"You're making me scared!"

We had just moved to Lexington, we were in a new house, new town, new everything. Our entire family felt out of place and unsure.
My four year old daughter Faith was being naughty so I sent her to her room for a time out. She stomped up the stairs with her arms crossed and lip puckered out. I said to her as she walked up the stairs, "Faith when you change your attitude you can come out." Her lip seemed to come out even further as she heard those words come from my mouth. After a couple of minutes of her sitting in her room I hear her yell at me, "MOM YOUR MAKING ME SCARED!!!" "Your making me scared." She kept repeating this over and over. The more she said it the sadder her voice began to sound. I reassured her that as soon as she was ready to obey she could come out of her room.
But in spite of my voice trying to reassure her that I was here and she was okay, she continued to get more and more worked up. Her voice went from a defiant "I'm scared" to a heart broken "but mommy I'm really scared."
Little did Faith know that I was also wrestling with the same thoughts in my own head. Inside I was crying out "God, you are making me scared." I kept repeating these lines over and over from the moment we started our journey from Nevada to Kentucky. "I'm scared God! I'm scared." I became so caught up in telling God how scared I was that I forgot to listen to his voice. I was acting like a little girl in my room, unable to hear my fathers voice because of all the noise I was making. I figured if I yelled louder (inside of course) he would swoop in and rescue me. If I yelled "I'm scared" he would certainly rescue me without the act of first being obedient. In fact just as Faith needed to obey me and trust that I knew best, I needed to trust my heavenly father. I needed to stop yelling and be quiet. I needed to obey and just follow Him where he had led me. I felt like God had sent me to my room, a.k.a Kentucky, as a punishment rather than a way to draw me closer to his heart.
We "had" to move to Kentucky for Tim's job (residency) so it required no obedience on my part. It didn't require me to step out of the boat and trust God. I "had" to go!
But as we drove across country the more and more I was yelling, "God I'm scared." I wanted him to let me go back to the safety of Nevada. Everything that I knew there gave me the feeling of being safe; ministry, friends, mountains, the list goes on and on, but the one thing I forgot to do was listen to His voice. He was shouting to me, "Nicole, I am here, just sit quietly and obey." I needed to  be quiet and just obey. I wanted to figure everything out, finances, friends, church but all he wanted was me to be quiet and obey his voice.
Do you find yourself like a little child screaming in your head, "your making me scared?" Are you so caught up in seeing the big picture that you can't hear him telling you to put one foot in front of the other and start walking forward? Are you yelling so loud that you are continuing in the same path that time after time has taken you no where. Sit quietly, stop yelling and listen to Him tell you that it is time to come out of your room. You don't have to be scared, He hears you.

The question is.... Are you hearing Him?          

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"
                                                   Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"
                                                                Deuteronomy 5:27b "Listen and obey."

Father God, today as we go throughout our day help us to be quiet and just hear your voice. Lord if there is an area that has required obedience but we have sat back and just yelled "I'm scared" help us today take the first step of obedience by just being quiet. Help us to not be afraid to move forward out of fear. Help us to trust and obey that you know what you are doing and already have it all figured out. --Amen

Keep going back and asking

We had already moved from our home knowing that we were going to inevitably foreclose.
The calls were non-stop coming in for payments to be made on all of the outstanding bills that we were unable to pay. I felt so unsettled and wondered why I had to pull our kids out of the school that they loved. I felt like I was flipping their 'safe' little world upside down.

One night I was sitting in our living room and my son came out and asked me if we could talk.

Everyone else was in bed and Tim was studying, so it was a great time.

Caleb said something that hit me like a ton of bricks.

                                           "Mom, I don't know if I believe in God."

I understood that the faith he had in God couldn't be the faith I had. If he was to have a lasting walk with the Lord it would have to be personal and his alone.

I told Caleb that I thought he was so brave to tell me how he honestly felt and that I believed God welcomed the opportunity to be "real" to him. I told Caleb that I wanted him to think of something that he needed from God. Not like a bike or a Nintendo DS but something that he would know that only God could provide. Being his mom I secretly wanted to know what he was asking from God so that I could maybe "help" God out in answering it.

I secretly doubted God's ability to be "real" to Caleb.

Knowing I would want to make it a perfect world for him, I said "Caleb don't tell me what you are going to ask from God. We will pray together and in your heart I want you to tell Him your doubt and ask Him to reveal himself to you."

We prayed and ended with Amen. I told Caleb that sometimes it takes days, weeks and even years to have prayers answered but to be persistent in taking his request before God. I kissed him and sent him to bed.

I sat in the quiet of the living room contemplating the implications of what just took place.

Within minutes my phone rang and it was the community care team from church calling. The man on the other end said,
                  "Nicole we know that your family has been struggling financially. Is there anything that we can do to help?"

For the next twenty minutes I outlined some of our pressing bills. I hung up the phone and again sat in silence wondering, "how did they know?"

The silence of the room was quickly broken with the sweet whispers from my son.
             "Mom, who was that on the phone? Why were you telling him all of our bills?"
I shared all of the details of my phone call with him.

Caleb's face lit up and tears began to flow from his face. With an excitement in his voice he said,

                                   "Mom... I believe in God...I believe in God!"

Tears began to flow down my face as I asked, "what happened?"

He replied, "Mom you told me to ask God for something big. I asked God if he could please pay our bills and HE DID!!!"

I wonder how often we sell God short. Do we rush to make everything right by placing something on a credit card or simply not tithing that month because the bills just have to be paid. We forget that when we trust God with our finances, health, marriage, kids.... we are saying "I believe you will provide."

 When we are so quick to solve our own problems the way we think is best, we are robbing God of the opportunity to give His children His best. 

We sell God short of providing all of our needs.

Philippians 4:16, "and this same God that takes care of me will supply all my needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

The financial need was secondary to the primary need my son had to know that God cared about him.

God reached down and became "real" according to His glorious riches.

I am so guilty of not trusting God with huge things in my own life out of fear. I want to quickly fix the problem because of my doubt that God can 'get it done.'

Often when we go before God we take our needs to Him half heartedly, not anticipating any sort of reply. The reply is often not given instantly so we walk away thinking that God must be giving a sign or providing through means other than what He would give according to His KINGDOM plans.

It is clear in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, "Never stop praying" or "pray without ceasing."

Petition God and then go back again and again and again!! Not that you need to convince God of your need but in any relationship you need to keep communicating. You need to keep talking and pressing in to the heart of your Father.

Caleb's doubt turned into unrestrained faith.
                                                           
                                                        He prayed with anticipation and an expectant heart.

Is it your finances? Marriage? Relationships? Children? Health?

Start talking! Take your need over and over again to God.

During great time of financial struggle I thought we were losing so much but I learned that we were given riches far better than money. We didn't foreclose on our home. Our move out of one home into another had kingdom purposes that I could have only dreamt about. God was right next to us. Never letting us out of His sight. I was reminded during this trial that my eyes need to stay fixed on God and not the solution to my trial. His eyes will be fixed on the solution as my eyes look to Him alone.

Father God today I want to give you the area in my life that I want to "fix". I ask right now that you calm my fears and quiet my heart. Provide my needs according to what is going to bring you honor alone. I trust you with every area of my life. You are a loving father and more importantly a father that never walks away from his children. Thank you Lord!!! --Amen.

In a basket

                    Have you ever held onto something so tightly that you risked losing everything?


Exodus 2:1-3 "....a Levite woman became pregnant and gave birth to a son... She hid him for three months but when she could hide him no longer she got a papyrus basket and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and placed it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile." 

Joshebed is that Levite woman.
                               
                                                     She is no different than you or I.
                                         
                             She loved her son and wanted to protect him from the Pharaoh. The Pharaoh issued an order that all baby boys be thrown into the river (Exodus 1:22).


                The thought of her brand new baby being thrown into the river like a piece of drift wood was unbearable so she held on until the very last moment.

She hid him for three months!!! Hiding a baby is no small task....

She protected, she nursed, she loved until it was time to let go of what she held so dear.


Joshebed loved Moses, nursed him, rocked him, and knew the entire time she was going to lose him.

Every new mom (myself included) feels the kicks, hiccups, and has so much excitement for the impending birth of a beautiful baby. I don't know if there are many things in life you hold closer than that of your child. 

The hopes and dreams we have for our future are often held so tightly that we strangle out God from the picture, not allowing Him to finish the work He has started. 

We hold on until the very last second before destruction, just as the Levite women did. Moses was certain to face death if she held on any longer. Instead she took care in preparing a basket to send Moses to safety.


She had no guarantees that the river wouldn't swallow him. No guarantees that he wouldn't starve to death. No guarantees that she would ever see him again. 

She let go and trusted God! 

Out of her obedience God responded. 

Exodus 2:5-6 "Then Pharaoh's daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the river bank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her slave girl to get it. She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him...."

Moses mother let go and trusted God with the most valued thing she had. 

Once she let go...
                               God gave it all back to her.

Vs. 7-10 "Then his sister asked Pharaoh's daughter, "shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?" "Yes, go," she answered. and the girl went and got the baby's mother. Pharaoh's daughter said to her, "Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you." 

God is so much bigger than just what you have planned for your life!

Because of Joshebed's obedience to release everything to the will of God she was rewarded with more than she could've ever thought possible.

Not only would her son be educated and raised as royalty....
                     
                             But she would also be paid to nurse, play and care for him. God gave Joshebed her son back, provided her with a job, protected Moses from death and loved her through the process.

We all have areas in our life that we hold so tightly out of fear. We want to make sure that everything is taken care of.

Our job... our family... our finances... our future... our ....???? (Fill in your own)

What are you holding onto?
             
                 What do you need to place in a basket? What needs to be sent down the river?

Put your hopes and dreams in the basket and see what God does with them. I am certain that Moses' mother was terrified, sobbing and emptied of herself.

Through her obedience God was glorified and used Moses to set His people free. 

It all started with her....

It started with her letting go and giving up everything and in turn God gave it all back.

You are a history maker or better said a "His Story" maker. 

What does God want to do with your life?

Put your anger, unforgiveness, hopes and dreams in the basket and let go of it so that God can show you what HE is made of. 

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," DECLARES the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Will you set it free?

Unscripted Love.

Sweet, mysterious, dangerous, fresh and new...
I am falling, being swept away, by this unscripted love...

I glory in the sweetness of your touch...
        ...the softness of your embrace...
This love is sweet as honey, new as a baby's first breath.
I cherish the moments, the memories, the dreams for tomorrow...
This love unscripted is a gift transcending the bounds of time, space, and all mortal capacity.
A taste of the heavenly, the aroma of paradise.

Once this love was nearly lost and with it my dreams.
Dreams of plentiful harvest, of riches untold.  Dreams of fairy tale love and the innocent ring of tender laughs, of the musical beat of little feet.  Dreams of the bounty reaped from days of toil.  I dreamed, I dreamed 'til time stood still. 

As I faced the prospect of giving you and our child unborn into eternity I wept as I stood by, my dreams seemingly running dry.

It was then I gave you completely to the eternal God.  To Love never failing I clung, thankful for my dreams, content to wait for the sweet embrace awaiting when I joined you in eternity.

Hoping, praying, trusting in Him who gives good gifts I continued to plow the fields, sow the seeds, and hold out for a harvest of plenty, whether in this life or the one to come.

As those moments of uncertainty and fear passed, replaced by that joyful first cry, I wept tears of joy, "Faith is born!".

Oh how sweet was that dream of days past, of the childhood tale, of the happily ever after.  Sweeter still is the story that has no end, of a mysterious and dangerous unscripted love.

Written By: Tim Howes

"Don't worry I will take good care of you"

"Will you trust me?"
                     " Do you trust me?"
                                              " Have 'Faith' and know that I am in control!!"

I was doubled over in so much pain. I had a terrible pain in my upper abdomen and it was almost unbearable. I was 27 weeks pregnant and I knew it wasn't time. It was too early for our girl to make her entrance.

Days earlier my midwife told me that she wouldn't be able to treat me any longer and that I would have to see an Ob/Gyn because I was terribly anemic. I consulted a family friend (Ob/Gyn) who let me know that when my medical insurance kicked in he would send me to get a blood transfusion.

I called him that morning in so much pain and he told me to come right in. Upon arrival he made sure  I wasn't in labor but knew something was wrong. I was scoped through my mouth into my belly and nothing was found. He gave my five units of blood and transferred me from Fallon to Reno to a higher level of care (60 miles away).

The surgeon in Reno told Tim and me that he would have to go in and do surgery. It came with great risk to the baby and I could deliver our sweet girl early. My family gathered and with tears I was barely able to utter the words.  I asked them all to stay until after the surgery because there was a chance she wouldn't survive the surgery. I wanted them all to kiss her and tell her goodbye if I was unable too. I wanted them to see her hands and feet. I wanted them to love on her and kiss her sweet face.

Laying on a hospital bed, I was rolled in for surgery. The anesthesiologist leaned in and whispered in my ear "Momma, don't worry. I will take good care of you and her." Tears ran down my cheeks as he pushed the anesthesia into my IV.

I woke up in horrible pain and knew I was in labor. I felt ripping on my belly from the four inch incision running straight up and down my abdomen. With every contraction the incision felt like it was going to rip wide open.

I heard the surgical nurse telling someone on the phone "get her off my floor she is in labor, we are not prepared for this!" I was rolled out and into the delivery room. They were trying to stop the labor with magnesium sulfate (crazy stuff). I remember in a fog looking up at Tim and thinking, "Okay God... this is what it is like.... I am about to meet you and I am okay with it, but my husband is going to be all alone with three maybe four kids."

I whispered to Tim, "Please take care of my babies." I don't think he heard me. There was so much chaos in the room and I was certain I was about to meet my creator.

Do you need God to whisper in your ear like the doctor did in mine?
                         
                            "Don't worry, I am taking care of you!"

Have you forgotten today that no matter what, he is right there with you?

Hebrews 13:5c God says; "I will never leave you nor forsake you"

I am not going to lie... I was terrified.

I was terrified... that my daughter was going to be born too early.

... that my husband was going to have to raise our kids alone.

... that I wasn't going to be able to share those beautiful smiles our kids give us anymore.

... that she (my unborn daughter) was going to die and I wouldn't get to tell her goodbye.

I was asked to trust God in that moment... I was asked to trust God even if I was about to die (which I totally thought was happening).
I was asked to surrender my unborn baby over to God even though I have felt her kick, move, even have hiccups...

What if she never gets to have life....?

"I will trust you God!! I will trust you!!!"

For the next couple of days I was unable to move because the medication caused my body to be almost paralyzed. I also was unable to see anything but shadows. I couldn't even scratch my own head... but my baby girls heart was still beating. I couldn't open my right eye and that side of my face drooped.

No matter what was put in front of me... I was going to trust God.

I had "Faith."

The Lord spoke to my heart to trust Him and to know that He alone was still in control.


Over the next couple of days the Lord reminded me of the treasures He still had for me here on earth. He also reminded me that I would continue to see Him at work now and in the future.

Isaiah 45:3; "I have hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

He has big things stored up for you! Are you willing to trust Him even if you can't see?

Lord help us to search for you in the dark places where life seems to overwhelm us. Give us your eyes to see the things in our lives that breaks your heart. Bring us to our knees Lord so that we are forced to look to you alone. Lord I trust you! I trust you through my fear. I trust you through my tears! I want more of you in my life. Summons me by name God. I want to find the treasures that you have hidden away for me. Thank you for loving me! --Amen

Painting on the wall

We knew it was going to be a different kind of Christmas when my mom announced that this year we couldn't afford anything. We hadn't purchased a tree or any gifts to go under it. Paint and a white door would have to do. Mom told us that we couldn't even pay our bills let alone try to do what most Americans deem the norm for Christmas.

We lived in a single wide trailer out in the middle of nowhere. The walls were terribly thin and cold air flowed into our small house quicker than the fireplace could heat it.  My younger sister, older brother, my mom, her husband and me, lived in this shell of a home.  We had two tiny bedrooms and little hope. We were surviving and at that time, Jesus' birth seemed of little consolation to this seventh grade girl.

Mom sat my sister and I down with lots of different colored paint and a fresh canvas on the white interior side of the front door. Mom painted the Christmas tree. With every stroke of the paint brush, the door was quickly turning into a beautiful piece of art.

She was desperate to make Christmas special even in the midst of our poverty. My sister and I anxiously waited for the tree to dry so we could start to paint ornaments onto the bare tree. Red, Blue and yellow balls never looked so beautiful.

We had a Christmas tree now.

Some may frown upon our version of a tree, but it was beautiful. I went to bed that night, cold from the temperature but my heart was warm from my moms love.

I slept good that night. The next morning I woke up and went out to find my mom had painted a few presents under the tree. I was giddy with excitement because she stayed up to paint a gift under our tree. Over the next couple of weeks the painted tree was the focal point in our home. We had fun creating beauty out of sadness. My mom took pride in showing her kids a Christmas with or without money.

Christmas morning came and we eagerly awoke knowing that presents we would not find. Instead, wrapped and perched at the top of the couch were three "real" gifts.

"Mom, I thought we weren't going to have gifts," I said with excitement.

With tears flowing down her cheeks my mom replied, "I had some extra food stamps so this is the best I could do."

 She made us sit like any other Christmas and watched us one by one open our presents.
My brother went first. He opened a huge jar of peperoncini's.
My sister Brandi was next. She opened her favorite thing, Maraschino cherries.
It was my turn. I remember feeling excited because my mom had picked out the perfect gifts.  She purchased the best she could offer with the little resources she had. I ripped the paper away and inside was a jar of Italian mix Giardiniera. It was a delicious pickled vegetable mix with a kick of spice.

I loved it!

Every year as I watch my own kids open their gifts, I can't help but think how even in the poverty I faced as a child,  God still had his best to offer me.

Sometimes we think that God isn't offering us what He is capable of providing for His children. The reality is God has already given the perfect gift. The painted gifts under our tree provided me with a reminder for life that God alone provides all our needs. My moms best was painted on the door and wrapped into three small gifts.

Often we get so caught up in our circumstances that we forget about the gift. If we all received exactly what we deserved we would receive death. Instead God has given his free gift of eternal life. 

Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

We can't buy it!

When we surrender our will to the will of God's, he gives us our life back to use for His purposes.

New gifts, toys, and things that we have never used before require an owners manual. You must read it and read it again when you forget in order to operate the thing properly.

We are no different. Once you have given your life over to Jesus don't expect to know how to operate in the fullness He has for you without consulting the owners manual. The bible. He created you and knows how you operate and you are a unique model.

It is always easy to slip back and except the familiar, the road usually traveled. The person who is willing to consult the owners manual, is the person that will have life to the fullest.

My mom offered us the best she could without trying to pretend she had anything else. That is exactly what God wants from you.

Offer Him your best! How ever little you may feel your best is, He will use it for purposes bigger than what we could have dreamt possible. He will paint a beautiful canvas, and on that canvas He will surprise you with new gifts each day. 

Lamentations 3:23 declares, "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning."

Today I encourage you to offer God your best so that He in turn can use your life for His best. 

Lord, I am thankful for your constant gift of salvation in my life. Thank you for your mercies that are new every morning. Help me Lord to see you in ALLsituations. Open my eyes to the things around me. You are the perfect gift! Thank you for sending your son. -Amen

Safety from the storm

I love looking outside watching the storm cover the ground with a mix of rain and snow. The wind is blowing out of control. Tumble weed is stirring in the air and then is quickly taken to the next yard never to be seen by my eyes again. The temperature is frigid and would cause goose bumps to sprout up within seconds.

I can sit and enjoy the storm, sip a nice cup of tea and appreciate the seriousness of what is occurring beyond my sliding glass door. Inside of my home it is a comfortable 70 degrees. I have warm winter socks, long sleeve shirt, and comfy pants on to keep the heat from escaping from my body. The sliding glass door gives me the opportunity to be comfortable and safe but also allows me to view what is going on right outside, just feet from where I am sitting. The glass on the door is thin but somehow protects me from the unrest of the storm. I know that at any moment I can walk out and feel the rain, snow, and wind on my face. 

If I decided to walk out and somehow found myself trapped outside all I would have to do is bang on that sliding glass door. From the storm looking in I can see safety. My family is laughing, yelling and enjoying the craziness of a big family. I know that right away if I banged on the door they would open it so that I could begin to thaw out. 

In 1 Peter; Peter is addressing the gentiles (us) that are scattered throughout and facing great persecution, slander, riots and even social ostracism. The readers are encouraged to rejoice and live above reproach. In the midst of the "storm" to live a life that is worthy of people noticing. 

1 Peter 5:10 proclaims,  "...the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

There is safety in the arms of God in the midst of the trial. Many people say that God never gives us more than we can handle. Instead he promises us that in the storm a way out will be given and he will give us what we need to endure it. Another words, you will not be alone!!

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

You will find yourself inside looking out at the storm that others are facing in their own lives. Other times you may be tempted to run out into the storm "just to see what it is like." It is in those times that you are in the storm, freezing, desperate to find safety that you need to run and bang on the door and come in out of the cold and begin to thaw out. The storm isn't going to stop just because you were able to run in, instead it will have a thin piece of glass "God" protecting you from feeling overwhelmed by the wind that is relentless in beating against you. 

Not seeking God in the storm of your life is like standing at the sliding glass door, weeping and mouthing "let me in, I'm cold!" but never yelling and banging on the door saying that you need help. 

There are times in our lives that we run out into the storm thinking that we alone are strong enough to handle the horrible conditions. Just as the National weather agency issues notices of a storm that is coming, God has given us his word as a warning of things we must avoid. Storms that He already knows we are not equipped to travel through. The difference between the weather service and God is that He is always right! Stop putting yourself in harms way. He has already seen the storm on the horizon and wants you to safely stay out of harms way. 

If you already find yourself out in the storm.....

God loves you and there is safety in his arms, bang down the door with prayer and dig into your word so that you can begin to warm up and actually feel the safety he has to offer. 

You will face trial!!

You will have pain!!
You will have storms in your life!!!
and.....

You will need GOD!!! 

It is never too late to start yelling for help. He will open the door wide, throw a blanket around you and stand looking out and keep you safe until the storm passes. Praise the Lord, it is going to pass!! After it passes it is only then that you can go outside and survey the damage and begin the repairs. 

Don't try to repair the damage until you have found safety with God. 

Lord in the storms of my life help me to run to you. Through your word reveal ways to avoid the storms that we sometimes walk into. Help us to heed your warnings, take them seriously and not run out just to see if somehow we can keep warm while everyone else is freezing to death. Help us to seek shelter in your loving arms while the storms are pounding around us. Thank you Lord for loving us!!! --Amen