The calls were non-stop coming in for payments to be made on all of the outstanding bills that we were unable to pay. I felt so unsettled and wondered why I had to pull our kids out of the school that they loved. I felt like I was flipping their 'safe' little world upside down.
One night I was sitting in our living room and my son came out and asked me if we could talk.
Everyone else was in bed and Tim was studying, so it was a great time.
Caleb said something that hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Mom, I don't know if I believe in God."
I understood that the faith he had in God couldn't be the faith I had. If he was to have a lasting walk with the Lord it would have to be personal and his alone.
I told Caleb that I thought he was so brave to tell me how he honestly felt and that I believed God welcomed the opportunity to be "real" to him. I told Caleb that I wanted him to think of something that he needed from God. Not like a bike or a Nintendo DS but something that he would know that only God could provide. Being his mom I secretly wanted to know what he was asking from God so that I could maybe "help" God out in answering it.
I secretly doubted God's ability to be "real" to Caleb.
Knowing I would want to make it a perfect world for him, I said "Caleb don't tell me what you are going to ask from God. We will pray together and in your heart I want you to tell Him your doubt and ask Him to reveal himself to you."
We prayed and ended with Amen. I told Caleb that sometimes it takes days, weeks and even years to have prayers answered but to be persistent in taking his request before God. I kissed him and sent him to bed.
I sat in the quiet of the living room contemplating the implications of what just took place.
Within minutes my phone rang and it was the community care team from church calling. The man on the other end said,
"Nicole we know that your family has been struggling financially. Is there anything that we can do to help?"
For the next twenty minutes I outlined some of our pressing bills. I hung up the phone and again sat in silence wondering, "how did they know?"
The silence of the room was quickly broken with the sweet whispers from my son.
"Mom, who was that on the phone? Why were you telling him all of our bills?"
I shared all of the details of my phone call with him.
Caleb's face lit up and tears began to flow from his face. With an excitement in his voice he said,
"Mom... I believe in God...I believe in God!"
Tears began to flow down my face as I asked, "what happened?"
He replied, "Mom you told me to ask God for something big. I asked God if he could please pay our bills and HE DID!!!"
I wonder how often we sell God short. Do we rush to make everything right by placing something on a credit card or simply not tithing that month because the bills just have to be paid. We forget that when we trust God with our finances, health, marriage, kids.... we are saying "I believe you will provide."
When we are so quick to solve our own problems the way we think is best, we are robbing God of the opportunity to give His children His best.
We sell God short of providing all of our needs.
Philippians 4:16, "and this same God that takes care of me will supply all my needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."
The financial need was secondary to the primary need my son had to know that God cared about him.
God reached down and became "real" according to His glorious riches.
I am so guilty of not trusting God with huge things in my own life out of fear. I want to quickly fix the problem because of my doubt that God can 'get it done.'
Often when we go before God we take our needs to Him half heartedly, not anticipating any sort of reply. The reply is often not given instantly so we walk away thinking that God must be giving a sign or providing through means other than what He would give according to His KINGDOM plans.
It is clear in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, "Never stop praying" or "pray without ceasing."
Petition God and then go back again and again and again!! Not that you need to convince God of your need but in any relationship you need to keep communicating. You need to keep talking and pressing in to the heart of your Father.
Caleb's doubt turned into unrestrained faith.
He prayed with anticipation and an expectant heart.
Is it your finances? Marriage? Relationships? Children? Health?
Start talking! Take your need over and over again to God.
During great time of financial struggle I thought we were losing so much but I learned that we were given riches far better than money. We didn't foreclose on our home. Our move out of one home into another had kingdom purposes that I could have only dreamt about. God was right next to us. Never letting us out of His sight. I was reminded during this trial that my eyes need to stay fixed on God and not the solution to my trial. His eyes will be fixed on the solution as my eyes look to Him alone.
Father God today I want to give you the area in my life that I want to "fix". I ask right now that you calm my fears and quiet my heart. Provide my needs according to what is going to bring you honor alone. I trust you with every area of my life. You are a loving father and more importantly a father that never walks away from his children. Thank you Lord!!! --Amen.
