"Don't worry I will take good care of you"

"Will you trust me?"
                     " Do you trust me?"
                                              " Have 'Faith' and know that I am in control!!"

I was doubled over in so much pain. I had a terrible pain in my upper abdomen and it was almost unbearable. I was 27 weeks pregnant and I knew it wasn't time. It was too early for our girl to make her entrance.

Days earlier my midwife told me that she wouldn't be able to treat me any longer and that I would have to see an Ob/Gyn because I was terribly anemic. I consulted a family friend (Ob/Gyn) who let me know that when my medical insurance kicked in he would send me to get a blood transfusion.

I called him that morning in so much pain and he told me to come right in. Upon arrival he made sure  I wasn't in labor but knew something was wrong. I was scoped through my mouth into my belly and nothing was found. He gave my five units of blood and transferred me from Fallon to Reno to a higher level of care (60 miles away).

The surgeon in Reno told Tim and me that he would have to go in and do surgery. It came with great risk to the baby and I could deliver our sweet girl early. My family gathered and with tears I was barely able to utter the words.  I asked them all to stay until after the surgery because there was a chance she wouldn't survive the surgery. I wanted them all to kiss her and tell her goodbye if I was unable too. I wanted them to see her hands and feet. I wanted them to love on her and kiss her sweet face.

Laying on a hospital bed, I was rolled in for surgery. The anesthesiologist leaned in and whispered in my ear "Momma, don't worry. I will take good care of you and her." Tears ran down my cheeks as he pushed the anesthesia into my IV.

I woke up in horrible pain and knew I was in labor. I felt ripping on my belly from the four inch incision running straight up and down my abdomen. With every contraction the incision felt like it was going to rip wide open.

I heard the surgical nurse telling someone on the phone "get her off my floor she is in labor, we are not prepared for this!" I was rolled out and into the delivery room. They were trying to stop the labor with magnesium sulfate (crazy stuff). I remember in a fog looking up at Tim and thinking, "Okay God... this is what it is like.... I am about to meet you and I am okay with it, but my husband is going to be all alone with three maybe four kids."

I whispered to Tim, "Please take care of my babies." I don't think he heard me. There was so much chaos in the room and I was certain I was about to meet my creator.

Do you need God to whisper in your ear like the doctor did in mine?
                            "Don't worry, I am taking care of you!"

Have you forgotten today that no matter what, he is right there with you?

Hebrews 13:5c God says; "I will never leave you nor forsake you"

I am not going to lie... I was terrified.

I was terrified... that my daughter was going to be born too early.

... that my husband was going to have to raise our kids alone.

... that I wasn't going to be able to share those beautiful smiles our kids give us anymore.

... that she (my unborn daughter) was going to die and I wouldn't get to tell her goodbye.

I was asked to trust God in that moment... I was asked to trust God even if I was about to die (which I totally thought was happening).
I was asked to surrender my unborn baby over to God even though I have felt her kick, move, even have hiccups...

What if she never gets to have life....?

"I will trust you God!! I will trust you!!!"

For the next couple of days I was unable to move because the medication caused my body to be almost paralyzed. I also was unable to see anything but shadows. I couldn't even scratch my own head... but my baby girls heart was still beating. I couldn't open my right eye and that side of my face drooped.

No matter what was put in front of me... I was going to trust God.

I had "Faith."

The Lord spoke to my heart to trust Him and to know that He alone was still in control.

Over the next couple of days the Lord reminded me of the treasures He still had for me here on earth. He also reminded me that I would continue to see Him at work now and in the future.

Isaiah 45:3; "I have hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

He has big things stored up for you! Are you willing to trust Him even if you can't see?

Lord help us to search for you in the dark places where life seems to overwhelm us. Give us your eyes to see the things in our lives that breaks your heart. Bring us to our knees Lord so that we are forced to look to you alone. Lord I trust you! I trust you through my fear. I trust you through my tears! I want more of you in my life. Summons me by name God. I want to find the treasures that you have hidden away for me. Thank you for loving me! --Amen

No comments:

Post a Comment