10 things I've learned about the Journey


In the course of a persons life we can be certain one will be faced with times of great pain, discomfort and testing.

There has been no shortage of that in my life. My husband Tim and I  have been on the longest, seemingly never ending journey through medical school and now residency.

It seems as if once we jump one hurdle, within five feet of our shoes hitting the floor we are met with our next. It always requires a new kind of strength and determination. And if I'm being totally honest, I don't always 'feel' ready to make the leap nor do I 'feel' mentally or physically strong enough to land it without shattering all the bones in my body.



This run we have been on seems to keep going with no end in site (not a good or bad thing). The hurdles are lined up and once we think we see the end, we quickly realize it is simply a mirage.

The first step in any race is the preparation before you ever step foot on the track. It requires painful training and vision of what's to come. It doesn't mean you have every step of the race figured out, just a willingness to put in the work and get started.

1. You need a plan (if you're married that plan is not void of your spouses input). 

For us, the preparation came without a complete picture of where we would be running. My husband was active duty in the Air Force deploying all over the world as a Persian Farsi Linguist. He knew a bachelors degree was the first step, even though it didn't make much sense how it would even be possible.

2. Be prepared to take a risk and be obedient to running the first lap.

If you've ever worked out, you begin incredibly motivated but as soon as you realize how hard it is the excitement dwindles. Often you aren't seeing immediate progress and you are tempted to give up.
Let me be the person that says, "keep going friend, keep going!"

There were so many classes that he had to drop, retake and simply couldn't start because of his rigorous schedule. Set backs can be discouraging and painful but don't let them knock you off course. Keep running.

3. Plans change and we must trust God when nothing makes sense.

Our 'plan' was to finish the bachelors degree build a house and attend Dental School in the state we had grown to love. Tim walked across the stage with a degree, we put a down payment on our new house and we were headed toward applying for the next step. One night we took our two kiddos both under the age of three to see the progress on the house. As we sat in the driveway of our freshly poured foundation... we knew.

We knew God was up to something and was asking us to take the next step. We were asked to leave our home that was being built, get out of the military, which meant no insurance, no stable pay check, I could keep listing all the reasons why this made no sense. We moved back across country and started the next phase of training.

4. Don't expect things always to run smoothly or assume it will be easy.


This step was terribly painful. Tim had to start taking terrible jobs just to pay the bills and he didn't 'enjoy' the work he was doing. But God was faithful!

We still were pursuing Dental School and kept it in our sites. Pregnant with our third baby, no insurance and an incredibly tight budget. We chose to give birth with the assistance of a midwife. This was our attempt to save money but it was God's way of stirring our heart toward His best.

5. Listen for God's voice and look for Him in all areas of your life.


It was time for our sweet girl to make her grand entry and she would wait on no one. With no time for the midwife to arrive my 'non-medical' husband delivered our girl. God used this experience to speak into our future. Tim knew that night he would again change gears and pursue medical school. For the next two years Tim took all the prerequisites.

6. When God is involved, everything runs perfectly.....NOT!!!

When we are doing the will of God it must mean it will be easy, right? You couldn't be further from the truth. He provides opportunity for us to completely trust Him. We had four small kids when Tim began medical school and boy did we feel at times like we were losing so much. During four years of medical school we had to move out of our home because we were going to be foreclosed on, survived on welfare, and the charity of other people. There were extremely dark days. Days that we didn't know how much more we could take (or lose), but God was asking us to keep running and I am so thankful we did.

7. You need people. You can't do it all alone.


The moment you think you should do it all on your own or convince yourself 'that's my job,' will be the moment you feel completely defeated. With a husband in medical school, having to work full time and raise four of the coolest kids, we recognized our need for others. My mom and younger brother live(d) with us and we worked (and still do) as a team to pursue God's best. We relied on the strength of others and were committed to not hiding away, even when we wanted too.

8. Believing "it will all be worth it in the end" is a lie from Satan... Because there is life in the journey.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to curl up in a ball and let the years just pass me by. Residency moved us 2,300 miles away from home, away from a loving community of believers, and into the lap of loneliness and constant change. There couldn't possibly be anything good that would come out of (at times) 80 plus hour work weeks and no friends. Or so I thought..... The first year of residency I felt like Moses (the Israelites) walking in the desert after leaving Egypt. We now had five kids, my teenage brother and a partridge in a pear tree and not much else. We took a $45,000/ year pay cut to start residency, have $200,000 in student loan debt and we were dirt poor...

...But life was still happening and it was happening regardless of us pursuing what Gods best or not. There have been so many hidden treasures and incredible joy. As a family we have experienced the joy of working as a team and living out the vision God has showed us step-by-step.

9. See the blessings in the journey.

God has been incredibly faithful. He has taken me to my near breaking point. All to pick me up along the way and remind me who I belong to. He has provided in incredible ways both financially and spiritually. For the first time in almost 13 years of marriage I became a stay at home wife and mom. I do not enjoy all things domestic but God was up to something and didn't forget about my heart all of these years. He moved us clear across the country (I believe) simply so I could attend one of the best Bible colleges. He also stirred my heart to write and step into the gifts God has given me personally.
It's a wonder I doubt His perfect timing and His best in my life so often.

10. The race 
never ends but we always seem to clear the hurdle.


Clearing the hurdle is that point in the jump when you are suspended in mid air, legs stretched to their max and praying your feet land solidly on the ground. For me this is the point when I don't know how we will pay the bills, when we will squeeze in all the demands of life or how all that is thrown at us will work out. The hurdle has been cleared with each leap of faith and God has been faithful as we have obeyed His voice.

The journey doesn't end... We don't eventually arrive... We are constantly having to trust God... He wants us to dream and step out of the boat, walking hand-in-hand with him.

Your life is going to happen. It's happening now. It's happening as you sit and wait... God wants you to be obedient regardless of what you think it will look like in the end. Tim and I have been running this race for almost 15 years together. When God gives you a dream it doesn't happen immediately. It takes one step of obedience at a time.

We must stop measuring the will of God by whether something is hard or easy. It's very rare you will ever accomplish something of value that doesn't require sacrifice, perseverance and a tremendous amount of faith in our creator. 


"Code Adam"

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew you had to keep it together even though you knew your world was about to fall apart?

As a young mom of two and pregnant with our third, I experienced sheer terror in the middle of a large department store.

It was a snowy day outside. We had just met my husband's brother and his family for lunch. After, we decided to make a quick trip into the clothing store. My little four year old Caleb was a sweet, quiet, very well behaved little guy.

My mom and little brother Justin (only 7 at the time) went one way in the store, Tim and Ellie (not quite 2) went off in another direction.  Caleb and I were talking and looking through the clothes racks.
In what seemed like less than a second, I looked back and Caleb was gone. Immediately my heart began to pound. Did my curious little guy wander off? Was he hiding?

I started to yell his name, "Caleb." Quickly my calm voice turned into a louder more intense "Caleb!!" "Caleb!!! Where are you?!?!?" I caught Tim's eye from across the store and yelled "He's gone! Caleb's gone!!"

In the chaos, the department store employees were notified and over the loud speaker I heard words that made my heart stop.

"Code Adam. Code Adam" and they began to describe Caleb to anyone in ear shot. This also alerted all of the employees to lock down the department store not allowing anyone in or out.

I was frantically searching everywhere. Crawling on my hands and knees, looking under racks.

I looked up just as security was walking with my sister. She looked at me with tears flowing down her face..."they need us to identify him on the security camera." She proceeded to walk toward the back of the store into the security area.

I was a desperate mom! I was desperate for my baby. I began to beg God for my sons safe return. I remember looking down at my big pregnant belly and pleading in my head with my Father. It wasn't very 'spiritual' but it was all I could do.

I uttered these words under my breath. "Lord, if its not to late and he's not already gone, can I please give you something in exchange for my boy? I don't know this baby in my belly yet and I know that I will love her but if I have to give her up just to have Caleb back... I'm prepared to do it."

One of the security guards approached me and said, "ma'am we're still looking. The news is on the way and if you are willing we would like you to make a statement asking for his safe return." He also informed me that they were searching every trunk and vehicle in the parking lot.

What?!!! Why is this happening?!

"Oh Lord!" I cried. I was desperate. My little guy was gone!

More than a half hour passed with no sign of Caleb.

Many years later just thinking about this event makes my heart pound and tears flow. I was desperate for my boy and was willing to give up anything to make sure he was returned to me, including giving up my unborn baby.

Wow! Is that how God felt knowing He was sending his son to the earth, taking the place of a dying world? He was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice so that you and I could be found and returned to his arms.

I felt so heavy and weighted down. I wanted nothing more than the safe return of my lost son.

From across the store I heard, "I found him!! He's right here!"

I looked up and saw my little guy. I hadn't allowed a single tear to fall down my cheeks until that moment. When I saw him walking hand in hand with a little lady I ran to him. Tears flowing and arms stretch out, I sobbed. He was safe... He was back in my arms.



I asked him, "Caleb, where were you?"

His reply still stirs me today. "Mom, I was tired... and I didn't want to bug you. So I laid down under a rack to take a nap."

My friend are you weary? Are you tired?

Are you afraid if you cry out, your Father in Heaven will not listen or perhaps you will just be bugging him?

Have you grown tired of walking around? Do you feel like giving up and just laying down?

I wish my son would have cried, "Mom, I need you! I'm so tired and I can't keep going. Will you carry me?!"

I was desperate to hear Caleb's voice and was willing to do anything for him to be returned safely to me. In the same way God is desperate to hear you cry out to Him. He wants to hear your voice! He is calling out 'code Adam' for everyone in ear shot to hear. Your description is out and he has made a plea for your safe return.

Perhaps you feel like Caleb today...

Or

.... God has been asking you to search with him tearing apart cars and getting down on your hands and knees searching for his lost kid.

Today, you either need to call out "I'm tired!" and keep yelling it until your picked up or you need to be listening for those people in your life who's faint cries need to be heard.

Share this message and send out a 'code Adam.' Let people know that you are there. Or shoot me a message (or anyone for that matter) that declares you are too tired to keep going.


Be blessed today!!!



Dating our Kids Creates Opportunity


As I sat across the table and looked at these two handsome guys that the Lord has entrusted me with I couldn't help but smile. One is mine because I carried him for nine months and the other is mine because when I was seventeen the Lord chose to bless our family with his life.



One of the boys favorite place to eat is Buffalo Wild Wings. Now this isn't one of my favorite places but they love it therefore I choose to love it. T.V's are plenty and distractions abound, but the sweetness of time away is treasured.

Going on a date with my kids isn't to make them feel uncomfortable or to pick their brains in hopes of them revealing all of their dreams to me. It isn't with the intention that they will divulge their secrets and confess all of their sins but a place where they know I am all theirs.

Dating my kids creates opportunity.

Opportunity to laugh, share, invest and teach.

Laughter is something that we do a lot together as a family. We tease one another, joke when someone does something goofy and play silly tricks on each other. On dates I try to be intentional about laughing  with my kids.

One of the best parts of time away with my kids is sharing my experiences with them and hearing them share theirs with me. This doesn't have to be deep, life-changing conversation. What it is... is simple conversation that often leads to deeper more intimate conversation as they've grown older. It's where I learn the wants, needs and individual desires of their hearts. Not because I'm poking and prodding them to pour their hearts out but because just like any dating relationship they learn to trust me more and more with their hearts.

I cannot think of a more effective way to invest in my kids as individuals. When we are dating someone we are investing in the relationship and in turn telling them how important they are to us. Our children are no different. From the smallest to the biggest in our home we intentionally invest in them as individuals. Granted each date looks different depending on their age, personality and likes but it is an investment worth our time, energy and money.

I wish I could say that our kids are super human and naturally they know how to do everything right but that just isn't the case. One of the most rewarding and hardest things we face in parenting is finding teachable moments. Moments where we can turn an ugly situation into something of value. I cherish the times when we intentionally invest into who they will be as men and how they will see themselves as women. These opportunities don't 'just happen,' we need to look for them and teach life skills from them.

While on our date to Buffalo Wild Wings teachable moments were plenty.
As moms we are able to teach our boys how to be excellent servants of their wives. It is our job to teach them how to treat women. Over the course of our date there were several times that we entered and exited our vehicle. Each time the boys would race to the car, jump in and look up to see their mom shivering in the cold outside of the car. Could I have opened my own car door? Absolutely, but it was a perfect teachable moment. A freezing cold, bone chilling moment but none the less, a moment. The boys would burst out with laughter as they would exit the car, run around and open my door for me.

I want my daughter-in-laws to be blessed with excellent men.

As we learn to be better, more present parents we develop healthier, more intimate relationships with our kids.

Ready for the bombshell?!?!?

Our kids are going to screw up! Oh yes, big time.

Investing in our kids through dating, opens the door to communication when we aren't 'feeling the love' in those sticky situations.

Your kids are a gift. It is your responsibility to parent and invest in their future. Dating your kids is one of the easiest ways to show them that you value them individually. It tells them that they are worth your time and effort. It creates an openness and a willingness to grow both as the parent and the child.

Be intentional today about laughing, sharing, investing and teaching your kiddos. I doubt I will receive a message from someone telling me how much they regret dating their kids.

Blessings,

Nicole




Hearing and obeying the voice

It was a night like any other.

I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off getting all of our kids in bed. My husband was working a night shift so I snuggled into bed alone.

Usually I struggle with falling asleep but this night I was out like a light.

Around two in the morning, I kept hearing this voice in my head saying, 'get up and go get Bodie and put him in bed with you.' Bodie is our sweet little eighteen month old.

In my half awake state a battle within my head began...

"Nicole, go back to sleep! Bodie is sound asleep in his bed, let him sleep."

                I felt annoyed and frustrated that I was having these thoughts.

Laying in my bed wide awake I felt so silly. For the next half hour I battled trying to go back to sleep with the intensifying voice to 'get up and get Bodie.'

I don't know about you, but I have internal conversation with myself all of the time. Often it is about normal, everyday things but this time I just thought I was acting ridiculous.

I have learned over the years that some of those 'ridiculous' sounding voices are the ones I need to take notice of.

As ridiculous as I felt I decided that the only way to get some sleep would be to 'obey' the voice telling me to go.



I snuck into his room and scooped him up. I cuddled his warm little body against mine and immediately fell back to sleep.

Not long after falling asleep, I was woke up to Bodie soaking my chest. It wasn't a normal vomit but lots of fluid mixed with froth coming from his mouth.

I flipped on my light that sits on my bedside table to find my sweet little guy having a seizure.

His hands pulled up and stiff by his face, his toes pointing straight down.

His entire body was rigid and an awful noise was coming from his mouth.

I cradled him in my arms with his back up against my chest to allow all of the liquid to easily flow from his mouth. His little eyes were part way open but all that was visible were the whites of his eyes.

I had experienced this before with my daughter and knew not to call an ambulance, even though everything within me was screaming to 'get help!!!'

After a minute (which felt like ten) his seizure stopped. I suspected that it was a febrile seizure brought on by a rapid rise in body temperature. I gave him some Tylenol to bring his fever down and watched him for the remainder of the night.

For the next couple of hours I laid there feeling so protected and loved.

My little Bodie was going to have a seizure with or without me present, but the fact that the creator of the universe woke me up and directed me to bring him into bed was amazing.

Had Bodie been in his bed sleeping on his back the way I found him before I brought him into my room, he may well have aspirated and no longer be here with us.

It is so easy to shrug off the voice in our head. We often dismiss it as being 'silly,' 'overprotective,'
or even plain wrong. One thing that I have learned over the years of following Christ is that the Holy Spirit doesn't speak to me in a 'man voice,' He speaks to me in my own head. In a language that I personally understand. In a voice I recognize.

God is a loving Father and desires that we would communicate with him. So when I laid there doubting the voice I asked myself a question...

- Is this my voice or is it yours God?

I didn't hear back-- "Nicole, it is me the Lord your God! Get up and bring Bodie in your bed!" Insert your best Barry White voice.

Instead I heard again in my own voice the same thing I had been hearing. As annoyed as I may have been I chose to obey.

Obeying God often feels inconvenient and annoying. Often we look around and think, "everything is going so good, why do something different?"

As in my case I was sleeping just fine and so was Bodie without us being in the same bed.

God gives us many opportunities to hear His voice and trust that He knows best. But the obeying part is still up to us.

Many people have entered or stayed in relationships because they didn't obey the warnings before they took a covenant to marry someone. The course of their life was radically changed because of it. They endured many unnecessary heart aches that God wanted them to avoid.

God didn't want Bodie to leave this earth that night. He didn't need another angel (like many have said when a baby dies). He wanted me to obey and avoid unnecessary heartache.

I am reminded of John 10:27, "My sheep hear my voice,  I know them and they follow me."

When we walk through heartache it isn't necessarily that we didn't hear his voice. But it is important in every circumstance both little and big that we listen and obey God. Even when we question the outcome.

The closer I walk with the Lord and the deeper my relationship with Him grows, the more I am convinced that He speaks in the big and in the small. He is never far from us and He desires for us to listen to His voice.

Your decisions are just that.... Yours. But God is not absent in those decisions. I am certain that even when we feel like God is far away, He is ever present and speaking to us.

God is a loving, merciful Father and wants to lead and direct us.

Will you obey His voice?

Will you do something differently even if it is inconvenient or annoying?

Will you walk away even when everything looks perfect (except for the little voice telling you to go)?

--Nicole


Are you looking for a Zacchaeus encounter?


How do we respond when the busyness of life crashes together with a divine encounter that the Lord has orchestrated?

In Luke 19 1-10 A story of inconvenience, curiosity and forgiveness plays out that should cause us to stop, look around and want more inconvenient opportunities.

As Jesus was passing through Jericho a little man named Zacchaeus was curious, interested in this one who the crowds were flocking too. He was not a man of good character, he was wealthy, not just a tax collector but the chief tax collector (the big cheese). He was considered unclean because he touched money. 

 Zacchaeus climbed a tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus as he passed by.

What made Zacchaeus so curious? Why did this "little" man take the time to climb a tree? What was he hoping for?
I think he was just a little curious if there was possibly more to this Jesus than what he had heard from others. 

I think he was hoping for an actual encounter with him. 

As Zacchaeus sat perched in the tree Jesus came by. When Jesus reached the spot he looked up and said, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately..." vs. 5.  Jesus stopped not because he had to and certainly not because it would make him look cool. He stopped because he loved Zacchaeus and was willing to meet him where he was at that moment. Jesus went one step further and told him, "I must stay at your house today."

I wonder when Zacchaeus climbed that tree if he was at a place in his life that he needed to encounter Jesus? If Jesus just passed by because he was "to busy" or worried that he might be frowned upon for talking to him, Zacchaeus could have been lost for eternity. Zacchaeus not only from that moment on believed in God but his entire household was saved. 

"For the son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." vs. 10

How many times have we just passed by? 

Who in your life is like Zacchaeus perched watching you, waiting for you to stop and share your life with him/her?
Are you willing to go one step further and not only talk to that person but sit down, break bread, enter their house? 

God sometimes asks us to rub elbows with the "unclean," frowned upon people in society. 

You may even think you have nothing to offer... after all that was Jesus that approached Zacchaeus, right?

Wrong. 

If you have received forgiveness, you are a new creation.  

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17. 

Someone should be shouting amen right now!!! 

You have the authority and the right to stop and be available. Be ready to respond to what or who God is placing right in front of you. 

The times I have grown the most in my life are the times that I have seen God move in others lives. 

I want a Zacchaeus encounter. 

Are we so scheduled, busy, getting life done that we are missing these little moments to impact someone else's life?

Sometimes we are required to give when it hurts (we may not be able to purchase that amazing gift we wanted for Christmas), because God is asking you to spend it on the single mom who is quietly waiting for Jesus to pass by.

You may have to be ten minutes late for a play date because on your drive to the park you notice a women crying on the bench by the road. 

Is she waiting for Jesus to pass by?

Your grocery budget might be a little stretched this month because for the next month you are going to commit to having dinner with the married couple that wants to throw in the towel because it is just starting to be to much. 

Are they waiting for Jesus to intervene?

Your jacket is sure warm right now... imagine all of those sleeping in tents. They will most likely never contribute to your church in a financial way, but God would have you stop and take a moment to care.

Who is the Zacchaeus in your life? 

Call someone down from the tree and do what Jesus did for Zacchaeus. 

You are not Jesus but you were made in His image. 

You will not have all of the answers but that is not what anyone is looking for. 

They are looking for someone, not just anyone but the ones that call themselves Christians. The ones who know where to find hope. 
They are waiting for you to notice, for you to respond. 

Lord, thank you for modeling the ministry of interruption. Thank you for showing us that even you, Jesus Christ has time for us. Lord help me look for Zacchaeus moments in my life. Lord give me wisdom as I try to balance being available with being busy.  Help me not judge rich or poor but to seize every opportunity to show your love to someone today. --Amen

--Nicole Howes

Share with me a Zacchaeus moment you have experienced. Perhaps you were Zacchaeus and someone didn't pass you by. I would love to hear your story. 

Everyone knows about the elephant in the room!


"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible."
Ephesians 5:13-14


I have often thought about what it would be like if there were no secrets, no hidden areas in our lives. 

If what we thought about in the quietness of our minds played out in real life... 

               What might that look like?

Imagine you are in a darkened room. In the room are grotesquely shaped sculptures, sharp objects hanging from the ceiling, piles of junk on the floor, and old furniture to stumble into. In the dark, it is possible to imagine that the room is really "O.K." But light would reveal an ugly scene indeed; and then there could be no more pretending! Wouldn't the truth to our "eye" be a better kind of pain than that of stumbling, groping around in such a room? With the light on, everything would be exposed; the room could be navigated without harm; it could be cleaned up; and there might also be things of value and beauty in the room that could be seen and used. If the light comes on, do we welcome the truth or rush to "turn it off"; do we receive it, even though it may hurt?

John 12:46 (NIV) "I [Jesus] have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."

We are not made to hide from things; in fact the things that we hide from end up causing the most pain, confusion and uncertainty.


I know that in my life, I have been guilty of ignoring that big, fat, stinky elephant in the room.   



The blaring problem, which was so obvious but because fear of speaking the truth, I suffered the consequences and kept silent.  

OR

The personal growth that I have hindered within myself because of my unwillingness to address the 'fat elephant' in the room out of fear that I may hear the truth.  

A couple of years ago I sang on worship team at church. One night we were rehearsing for the upcoming weekend and everyone in attendance kept asking, “What is that smell? It smells awful!!!” 

Soon, I realized that my hands had retained the smell from the food I had been cooking for our Easter meal earlier in the day.      

I knew where the smell was coming from. I just didn't want to own up to it. 

 I also realized that no matter how embarrassing or silly it seemed, I needed to come clean and tell everyone that I was the stinky one.
    
After letting people go on and on about the smell I finally admitted that the smell was coming from me.    

I was the smelly one!!!!

Later I found out that everyone already knew that I was the one to blame, but didn’t want to say anything because they didn't want to hurt me.  No one wanted to address the real problem because of some potentially hurtful consequences. 

So everyone tip toed around the thing that was so distracting. 

Now this is just a silly example but it is something that is so easy to do with the big, painful and even devastating things in our lives.    

I am guilty of this very thing.    

In my marriage, this behavior kept my husband and I from truly reaching one another's hearts for years.  I knew things were not right and so did he; but without bringing our struggles, hurts, and even sin into the light each of us fought our battles alone.    

 We fooled ourselves into believing that we could hide away the “elephant” which was tearing us apart. 

We bought into the lie that if we didn’t talk about it then magically it didn’t exist.  To top it off  we even fooled ourselves to believe that God was okay with us keeping things in the dark, so that we wouldn’t have to endure such pain.

This pattern of behavior squashes relationship and promotes unhealthy behavior in those we love. 

Often the things people say and do affect our lives negatively but we tip toe around the real issue so that their feelings are spared. 

All the while they don't understand that everyone knows they are the one stinkin' up the place.   

Don't misunderstand me here. I would agree 100% that there is a time to speak and a time to be quiet (Eccl. 3:7). We need to prayerfully take our circumstance to the Lord. 

Perhaps today you realize you are the person in the room that everyone is tip toeing around. 

Maybe you have been avoiding having a hard conversation with someone because you are afraid the truth will hurt them. 

For years you may have experienced loneliness and isolation, all because people are afraid to address the 'real' issues with you. Often it is so much easier for them to avoid, limit their time or simply not address the topics that are known to be 'touchy.' 

At different points in all of our lives we experience situations where we would rather stumble around in the dark, simply out of fear of what we may find when we flip on the light. 

Choose today to be different. 

Choose today to flip on the light and let others in.  

Give God permission to come clean up those areas that have been hidden by the darkness.  

Bring what you have kept hidden into the light. 

Doing this will require you to communicate with others. 

There is freedom that comes with walking in a room without obstacles and that is brightly lit. The freedom is no longer stumbling on all of the junk laying around.  



Be blessed. 







These jeans don't fit!


Squeeze, pull, suck in.. okay... breathe. 

                               Lay down on the bed, suck in again..... and zip. 

Zipped- finally!


Now is the tricky part, I have to stand up and try to walk. 
I make my way to the edge of the bed, feet firmly planted ready to embrace my new jeans. I begin to sit up and it seems every ounce of fat I haven't managed to squeeze into my jeans is now oozing over the top.

You know what I am talking about... the all to familiar "muffin top." 

As if the reality of my jeans not "really" fitting isn't enough, I try to take a step in the jeans that are erupting with squishy goodness out of the top.

Oh yes... I can walk, but it is more like a walk of pain. I look as if I am trying to hold a penny firmly in place between my legs. I shallow breathe, do a few squats. All the while thinking, maybe just maybe I can stretch them out. I turn around and look in the mirror and to my horror I realize my butt should look round, but instead it looks like a ski slope. Any shape I possibly had is now gone. 

I am starting to realize that I am not going to be comfortable in my own jeans. 

I desperately tried but the harsh reality is these jeans just don't fit. 

Could it be that I am a huge failure and the mere idea of one day being able to comfortably slip on those jeans will never be reality?

I realize that these jeans are going to require some actual work on my part. In order for those beautiful jeans to fit me, I am going to have to give up a little. 

My morning chai loaded with yummy calories will need to be replaced with a walk. My love affair with carbs may need to take a backseat to an apple. 

Ridding my body of the unwanted fat is going to require work. I have to spend time caring for my body in a way that is not easy. 

It isn't easy for me to eat the things I am supposed to or deny myself the things that for some reason I desperately think I need.



I sometimes view my relationship with God the same way I view wearing that all illusive pair of jeans.

I want to squeeze him into my life and when I realize it squishes out all the ugly parts of me, I get a little uncomfortable. 

I lay back on the bed and try to soak up a little "God" time a.k.a. zip my jeans. 

I spend about 5 minutes randomly reading the bible, stand up and hope my day now will go great.

The God that I thought would calm my fears for the day is now not fitting me. I want to have him in my life but I realize I am going to have to cut out some things in my life in order to devote time to this relationship.

I can't help but think "what a failure" I am.  I know I will never look like 'her' in those jeans. I will never have "that kind" of walk with God.

She makes it look so easy. I even see her eat candy bars and she still wears those jeans. We look at other women/men and think if only I had faith like her or him.

If only my life was that easy.

What I fail to realize is in order for her to still wear those jeans and eat the candy bar, she has to also put in the hard work.

A life that glorifies God is sometimes painful. We have to cut out areas in our lives that we think we need but in order for God to complete the work in us he requires action on our part.

God wants to see us walk confidently in the jeans (ministry) He has created for us to wear. But in order for us to wear the jeans (live out that ministry) we must begin the process of disciplining our body to wear them.

Our walk with God is not much different. He wants to use you in areas you never dreamt possible but you need to discipline your life so that you can begin to dream the dreams He has for you.

You can't expect to try him on for size every couple of days or weeks and be able to walk confidently in all He has for you.

You look at someone else, who's walk with the Lord you admire and think casual Christianity will get you there. 

God wants all of you. 

He wants you to want to spend the time building a relationship with him.

He wants you to feel amazing in the jeans (ministry) He has given you to wear. 
Once you begin to put in time praying, reading and just listening to His voice you will begin to see the change. 

There are times you will feel overwhelmed and 'not good enough.' 

That friend that you just want to win to Christ, but every time you are with them you feel yourself compromising. You may need to get rid of that carbohydrate (friend or group) in your life that is keeping you fat.

The constant comparison to how other people wear their jeans (marriage, ministry, life ect.) is a guaranteed joy killer. 

Focus on who God has made you as an individual and recognize that you have influence over a group of people that is unique to you. 

Let God begin the work in you.

After you begin to walk in His truth and in relationship with Him, you may realize that those jeans were never going to fit you, because He created you to be the way you are and you keep trying to fit into someone else's jeans.

Philippians 1:6 "...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

What do you need to start cutting out so that you can begin to walk in all that God has planned for you?

Share with me your story and encourage others with your life. 

Be blessed