Squeeze, pull, suck in.. okay... breathe.
Lay down on the bed, suck in again..... and zip.
I make my way to the edge of the bed, feet firmly planted ready to embrace my new jeans. I begin to sit up and it seems every ounce of fat I haven't managed to squeeze into my jeans is now oozing over the top.
You know what I am talking about... the all to familiar "muffin top."
As if the reality of my jeans not "really" fitting isn't enough, I try to take a step in the jeans that are erupting with squishy goodness out of the top.
Oh yes... I can walk, but it is more like a walk of pain. I look as if I am trying to hold a penny firmly in place between my legs. I shallow breathe, do a few squats. All the while thinking, maybe just maybe I can stretch them out. I turn around and look in the mirror and to my horror I realize my butt should look round, but instead it looks like a ski slope. Any shape I possibly had is now gone.
I am starting to realize that I am not going to be comfortable in my own jeans.
I desperately tried but the harsh reality is these jeans just don't fit.
Could it be that I am a huge failure and the mere idea of one day being able to comfortably slip on those jeans will never be reality?
I realize that these jeans are going to require some actual work on my part. In order for those beautiful jeans to fit me, I am going to have to give up a little.
My morning chai loaded with yummy calories will need to be replaced with a walk. My love affair with carbs may need to take a backseat to an apple.
Ridding my body of the unwanted fat is going to require work. I have to spend time caring for my body in a way that is not easy.
It isn't easy for me to eat the things I am supposed to or deny myself the things that for some reason I desperately think I need.
I sometimes view my relationship with God the same way I view wearing that all illusive pair of jeans.
I want to squeeze him into my life and when I realize it squishes out all the ugly parts of me, I get a little uncomfortable.
I lay back on the bed and try to soak up a little "God" time a.k.a. zip my jeans.
I spend about 5 minutes randomly reading the bible, stand up and hope my day now will go great.
The God that I thought would calm my fears for the day is now not fitting me. I want to have him in my life but I realize I am going to have to cut out some things in my life in order to devote time to this relationship.
I can't help but think "what a failure" I am. I know I will never look like 'her' in those jeans. I will never have "that kind" of walk with God.
She makes it look so easy. I even see her eat candy bars and she still wears those jeans. We look at other women/men and think if only I had faith like her or him.
If only my life was that easy.
What I fail to realize is in order for her to still wear those jeans and eat the candy bar, she has to also put in the hard work.
A life that glorifies God is sometimes painful. We have to cut out areas in our lives that we think we need but in order for God to complete the work in us he requires action on our part.
God wants to see us walk confidently in the jeans (ministry) He has created for us to wear. But in order for us to wear the jeans (live out that ministry) we must begin the process of disciplining our body to wear them.
Our walk with God is not much different. He wants to use you in areas you never dreamt possible but you need to discipline your life so that you can begin to dream the dreams He has for you.
You can't expect to try him on for size every couple of days or weeks and be able to walk confidently in all He has for you.
You look at someone else, who's walk with the Lord you admire and think casual Christianity will get you there.
God wants all of you.
He wants you to want to spend the time building a relationship with him.
He wants you to feel amazing in the jeans (ministry) He has given you to wear.
Once you begin to put in time praying, reading and just listening to His voice you will begin to see the change.
There are times you will feel overwhelmed and 'not good enough.'
That friend that you just want to win to Christ, but every time you are with them you feel yourself compromising. You may need to get rid of that carbohydrate (friend or group) in your life that is keeping you fat.
The constant comparison to how other people wear their jeans (marriage, ministry, life ect.) is a guaranteed joy killer.
Focus on who God has made you as an individual and recognize that you have influence over a group of people that is unique to you.
Let God begin the work in you.
After you begin to walk in His truth and in relationship with Him, you may realize that those jeans were never going to fit you, because He created you to be the way you are and you keep trying to fit into someone else's jeans.
Philippians 1:6 "...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
What do you need to start cutting out so that you can begin to walk in all that God has planned for you?
Share with me your story and encourage others with your life.