It was a night like any other.
I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off getting all of our kids in bed. My husband was working a night shift so I snuggled into bed alone.
Usually I struggle with falling asleep but this night I was out like a light.
Around two in the morning, I kept hearing this voice in my head saying, 'get up and go get Bodie and put him in bed with you.' Bodie is our sweet little eighteen month old.
In my half awake state a battle within my head began...
"Nicole, go back to sleep! Bodie is sound asleep in his bed, let him sleep."
I felt annoyed and frustrated that I was having these thoughts.
Laying in my bed wide awake I felt so silly. For the next half hour I battled trying to go back to sleep with the intensifying voice to 'get up and get Bodie.'
I don't know about you, but I have internal conversation with myself all of the time. Often it is about normal, everyday things but this time I just thought I was acting ridiculous.
I have learned over the years that some of those 'ridiculous' sounding voices are the ones I need to take notice of.
As ridiculous as I felt I decided that the only way to get some sleep would be to 'obey' the voice telling me to go.
I snuck into his room and scooped him up. I cuddled his warm little body against mine and immediately fell back to sleep.
Not long after falling asleep, I was woke up to Bodie soaking my chest. It wasn't a normal vomit but lots of fluid mixed with froth coming from his mouth.
I flipped on my light that sits on my bedside table to find my sweet little guy having a seizure.
His hands pulled up and stiff by his face, his toes pointing straight down.
His entire body was rigid and an awful noise was coming from his mouth.
I cradled him in my arms with his back up against my chest to allow all of the liquid to easily flow from his mouth. His little eyes were part way open but all that was visible were the whites of his eyes.
I had experienced this before with my daughter and knew not to call an ambulance, even though everything within me was screaming to 'get help!!!'
After a minute (which felt like ten) his seizure stopped. I suspected that it was a febrile seizure brought on by a rapid rise in body temperature. I gave him some Tylenol to bring his fever down and watched him for the remainder of the night.
For the next couple of hours I laid there feeling so protected and loved.
My little Bodie was going to have a seizure with or without me present, but the fact that the creator of the universe woke me up and directed me to bring him into bed was amazing.
Had Bodie been in his bed sleeping on his back the way I found him before I brought him into my room, he may well have aspirated and no longer be here with us.
It is so easy to shrug off the voice in our head. We often dismiss it as being 'silly,' 'overprotective,'
or even plain wrong. One thing that I have learned over the years of following Christ is that the Holy Spirit doesn't speak to me in a 'man voice,' He speaks to me in my own head. In a language that I personally understand. In a voice I recognize.
God is a loving Father and desires that we would communicate with him. So when I laid there doubting the voice I asked myself a question...
- Is this my voice or is it yours God?
I didn't hear back-- "Nicole, it is me the Lord your God! Get up and bring Bodie in your bed!" Insert your best Barry White voice.
Instead I heard again in my own voice the same thing I had been hearing. As annoyed as I may have been I chose to obey.
Obeying God often feels inconvenient and annoying. Often we look around and think, "everything is going so good, why do something different?"
As in my case I was sleeping just fine and so was Bodie without us being in the same bed.
God gives us many opportunities to hear His voice and trust that He knows best. But the obeying part is still up to us.
Many people have entered or stayed in relationships because they didn't obey the warnings before they took a covenant to marry someone. The course of their life was radically changed because of it. They endured many unnecessary heart aches that God wanted them to avoid.
God didn't want Bodie to leave this earth that night. He didn't need another angel (like many have said when a baby dies). He wanted me to obey and avoid unnecessary heartache.
I am reminded of John 10:27, "My sheep hear my voice, I know them and they follow me."
When we walk through heartache it isn't necessarily that we didn't hear his voice. But it is important in every circumstance both little and big that we listen and obey God. Even when we question the outcome.
The closer I walk with the Lord and the deeper my relationship with Him grows, the more I am convinced that He speaks in the big and in the small. He is never far from us and He desires for us to listen to His voice.
Your decisions are just that.... Yours. But God is not absent in those decisions. I am certain that even when we feel like God is far away, He is ever present and speaking to us.
God is a loving, merciful Father and wants to lead and direct us.
Will you obey His voice?
Will you do something differently even if it is inconvenient or annoying?
Will you walk away even when everything looks perfect (except for the little voice telling you to go)?