Day 2: Love is Kind

Kindness is something that we try to instill in our children...
                     
                   "Please don't do that. That wasn't kind."

"Be kind to your brother!"

                         "Justin and Caleb will you be kind to... and go offer to mow their lawn?"

Kindness is something we want to see in our children, but as adults we begin to attach conditions to the level of kindness we'll show.

                                                             
                                                                Love is... Kind....             

         Love is a flippant word... 'I love you'... 'I love that'... 'I love...'... 'I love this...' 'I love that...'

When the word love comes out of our mouth, it often requires no action or sacrifice on our part.

However, when we love the way that God tells us to love... action is necessary.

   Galatians 5:14 says, "Love your neighbor as yourself."

We may not like ourselves at times and even partake in self destructive behavior and patterns but if we didn't love we would shrivel up and to the point of death. You chose to love yourself each time you take a shower. Each time you put a bite of food in your mouth. With every brush of your hair, with every smile on your face... you are loving yourself.

You see, it is a choice to love.

We can not 'like' something or someone but still offer love.
We can detest the body we have but love it enough to provide it the basics for survival.
We don't have to like our job but we certainly love the paycheck that comes from it.

        Love is a choice.

Being kind in our love means to love your neighbor as yourself.

Liking the lifestyle of the homeless man on the corner is different than loving him enough to remove your own shoes and offer them for him to wear.

Liking your family member that is engaged in risky behavior and loving them enough to show them the kindness of Jesus are two very different things.

Liking your husband is dependent upon his actions, loving him is dependent upon yours.

How do we begin to move forward in a direction that offers kindness in place of our anger, kindness in place of our hurt, kindness in place of our disappointment, kindness in place of our judgement.

It all begins with 'loving intentionally.'

Removing the expectation from the recipient and placing back in your lap.

Don't offer your shoes to the homeless man and expect him to come pull your weeds.
Don't make your husbands coffee with the expectation that he will take out the trash.
Don't offer a bed in your house to someone you love with the hope that one day they will repay you.

Offer your kindness because that is what honors God.

       "...whoever is kind to the 'needy' honors God." --Proverbs 14:31

Oh, how I am needy...  Oh, how you are needy!

Can you think of one person that you encounter that is in 'need' of your kindness... your love?

Perhaps your dying marriage is hinging on your ability to be kind. Your kindness (love) is what the woman at work has desperately been crying out for.
Your parent, your neighbor, your children... will you offer kindness?

Will you change the rules of the 'love' game?

Will you love the way Jesus asked you too?

Would you be kind?

You don't have to like someone or something to offer love. Kindness is dependent on you.

Will you CHOOSE to love today?

Love is patient...

Love is KIND!

Kindness causes us to swallow our pride and act in a way that honors God.

How different our lives may look if 'kindness' was the response of our heart. How different our divorce rate in the church could be if kindness was our response.

How different will you be? Will you choose to love intentionally today?

Challenge for day 2: Be intentional... offer kindness more than once today. Make it a daily rhythm.

Day 2 of listening to "The proof of your love" by For King and Country
http://youtu.be/pr9YVD05x8M

Send this link to anyone who has the ability to love. Together let's begin to change the landscape of love.

Day 1: Love is 'Patient'

'Patient?'..... Shoot.....Who isn't?

As I began to prepare dinner all I wanted was them (my kids) to stop being so loud. I wanted to hear myself think! I felt the blood rushing to my head as I yelled, "Go outside!!!!!!" The room volume didn't change. I was about to blow my top. Instead of getting quieter my daughter runs over hollering "mom, mom... can I??" "No!!! No you can't" as I slammed my hand on the counter. I was successful, the room was silent.

In my need for silence I lost my cool. I failed to communicate appropriately and instead did the opposite of be 'patient.'
     
                        1 Corinthians 13:4 begins our two week look at loving intentionally.

"Love is... Patient"

I would love to sit here and say that I am a patient lover, but I am not. When things aren't going just the way I want them to, I react. Usually that reaction is very reflective of my heart. I need to be intentional in the way I approach love and it starts with patience.

Funny how Paul describes actions void of love as 'a resounding gong and a clanging symbol!'

I bet my kids would have preferred the symbol over the noise that I yelled at them.

Are you patient in your love?

              Do your kids often see you lose your cool?
 
                       Is your spouse the recipient of "Never mind...I'll do it!"

Are you quick to react and slow to use the first characteristic of Godly love?

Good... Me too!! There is hope for you and for me. Why? Because 1 Cor. 13:2b says, if I don't "have love, I am nothing."

and I know that God wants us to learn to be good lovers.....

I have heard many say, "don't ask God to help you be patient, because he will give you the opportunity to be."

I say let's face it head on and ask for help in an area where a lot of us could stand to grow.

Will you begin this 14 day journey of learning to intentionally love? Perhaps you know someone that struggles with love (all of us). Invite them to join in as we explore ways that we can intentionally love others.

Love is... PATIENT!

Lord, today I failed to show my family love. I failed to show them the greatest gift you have for us and instead became a resounding gong. Lord, I ask that you begin the process of transforming my heart and give me the courage to love intentionally. I commit to learning to be a better lover to everyone I  encounter.

I encourage you to listen to this song each day of the 14 days of 'loving intentionally.'

http://youtu.be/StTzrXMVzmE

I wanted to be his...

Seventeen years ago, I was a immature eighteen year old. I hated looking in the mirror and couldn't understand why anyone would ever want me as their bride. I was chubby and unsure of myself. I wanted to be loved by someone the way you see in the movies. I wanted to be swept off of my feet and carried away in a horse drawn buggy. I wanted the fairy tale. I wanted to be the lady in the room that caught his eye and made everyone else disappear. I wanted to be his. I wanted to captivate and excite him. I wanted to inspire him to be better. I wanted to be his. I wanted him to want me for the rest of our lives. I wanted to grow old and play with our grandchildren together. I wanted him to satisfy that deep need to be loved. 

I wanted to be his. 




I stood in front of two hundred and fifty people on a beautiful Sunday afternoon and said, "I do." I expected that life as I knew it would forever be great. He actually agreed to spend his life with me. He actually said "I do." My fairy tale of a handsome prince coming and carrying me away was happening. He wanted me to be his forever. 

The honeymoon was over and we were beginning life as a couple. For some strange reason he wasn't filling that deep desire to be loved. The horse drawn buggy was empty. The fairy tale was not a fairy tale. I quickly began to realize that he did some things that didn't honor me or God. He too was a sinner. What???!!!! I thought that because we waited to have sex until we were married and did all the right things that we would somehow have it all. Oh how wrong I was. 
I had waited and longed to be loved but somehow having a husband wasn't the fix. 

I thought once I was married I would suddenly feel pretty, accepted and loved. I thought I would look at my body differently and magically feel good in my clothes. I thought he could fix my need to be loved. I longed to feel whole. 

After many years of trying to make Tim be who I wanted him to be, I pushed him further and further away. My actions kept showing him that he wasn't enough. He wasn't going to be "the one." The more I tried to make Tim into who I 'needed' the less he satisfied me. Frustrated with where we were as a couple I realized that Tim couldn't be enough. I searched for so long and waited for the right guy however he was never meant to 'be enough.' I wasn't getting what I needed from Tim because I had never allowed God to be enough in my life. I had given God parts of me, but covered everything else up with a smile. 



I desperately wanted a husband but never stopped to worry about the kind of wife I would be. I was blinded by the fairy tale and forgot that I needed to first be what I wanted Tim to be. 

I needed to fall in love with my creator. 

I needed to begin to take steps that allowed God to infiltrate all of my hurt and past pain. 

I needed to be His. 

Tim couldn't fill that void until I wanted to be His (God's). I had given my heart to Jesus but I held back so many areas from him that I was still too afraid to relinquish control over. 
  
It didn't happen over night. It didn't even happen in a year... but the more I started to move toward God, the more my heart began to change toward myself and toward Tim. 

I couldn't love Tim the way he needed to be loved until I allowed God to love me the way He wanted to love. In my pain, I searched for a bandage to cover over the wound but what I desperately needed was heart surgery. I needed a heart transplant. I needed God's heart. I needed to look in the mirror and see the woman that God saw. I needed to look at my body and see who God saw. I needed to find my worth in God and not in Tim. Tim couldn't be 'the one.' 

I wasn't allowing God to be 'the one' either. I wasn't allowing him to give me His heart. He was patiently waiting for me to run to him and say "rescue us... rescue me!" The funny thing is... the more I yelled "rescue me" the closer I became to Tim. I began to not be as frustrated with the things he did. I worked for years to push him away and that needed repair and God began to do it. 

The more I allowed God to 'rescue me' the less I needed Tim to be 'the one' I expected him to be. 

Your spouse CAN'T feel that need for love... but God can.
The desire to not be alone, won't be filled on your wedding day... only God can fill that desire. 
Waiting for your spouse to change, won't change your marriage...but God can. 
Expecting your spouse to 'just get it right' won't happen... until you allow God to completely change and transform you. 

You need a heart transplant just like I did. You need to view yourself with the lens of God. Once you begin to no longer 'need' a spouse, is when you will find that God's best is right in front of you.  He longs to feel that deep desire for love... Will you patiently begin to give Him your heart? 

    "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." ~Psalms 40:1-3

Are you desperate for change?

Are you desperate for a spouse?

Are you desperate because your marriage is falling apart?

Do you want the fairy tale?

Will you today cry out to God and begin to do things differently? 

Share your heart... There is something about saying it out loud. Tell someone... Post on here... Don't keep change a secret. 

God is pursuing your heart!!!!

Is there anything of value left?

"Nicole, someone broke into both of our cars... stuff is everywhere," these were the words my mom uttered as she came in from taking the girls to the bus. I quickly went outside to survey the damage and assess the value of the contents missing.

The damage was minimal because the doors were unlocked allowing for easy access to take whatever the thieves could get their hands on. As I opened the driver side door I saw the contents of my glove box and center console scattered throughout the car. I looked throughout the car quickly realizing that the thief attempted to take every last penny they could find. There was nothing of value (to them) in the glove box, so they chose to just throw it out, leaving a huge mess to clean up.

My mom worked to clean up the truck and I cleaned out the car. We both had trash bags in hand, as we sifted through the items in the vehicles to pick out the things of value from the things that were indeed trash.

Admittedly our cars were in need of a good "cleaning out."

As I sifted though the contents of my car I was reminded of the verse in John 10:10;
                   
                     "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy..."

It the middle of the night and under the cover of darkness someone wanted something that never belonged to them in the first place.

Immediately after seeing my vehicles in complete disarray I was forced to clean it out. I was forced to clean up the things I had left to sit and take up unnecessary space on the floorboard of my car. I was actually grossed out by a few of the things I found... after all, I do have five kiddos. I was also excited to find a few items that I thought I had lost.

In the same way we never desire unfavorable, bad or uncomfortable situations to happen in our lives but there are certainly times that they seem to come in like a violent tornado.

There are times that we leave the door unlocked for the thief to easily access our life, giving him unsolicited permission to 'steal' from every compartment and crevasse. He comes to steal what belongs to someone else for his own purposes and pleasure. He comes to rob your joy and leaves you to sift through the trash to see if there is anything left of value.

In response to the thief in our life,
                     
            Jesus had a response...

                       "...I have come that they (you) may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10b

After the thief has come in and left everything in disarray, there will be a period of time when we need to begin to clean up the trash that we have ignored for way to long. Often that ignored trash leaves a lasting aroma.

But...

After you start to sift through the compartments of your life, you will begin to discover that there were  things that Satan never stole because they were of no value to him.

Jesus is the restorer and can make all things new.

Have you left the door to your heart and life unlocked?

Have you given the thief access to things that never belonged to him?

Is there trash that needs to be sifted through so that the valuables can be found?

There are necessary 'clean-up' periods in our lives. There are times when we need to take a good look at the things that are of value and sift them out of the trash.

Today will you get a big black trash bag and start to clean out the compartments and crevasses you have been ignoring?

You can't hide. He sees you.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Proverbs 138:7-10


Do you ever have those days, months maybe even years that are described in Psalms? Do you ever want to hide away and hope not a single person will look for you? You want to pull the covers over your head and just hide. 


Moving to Lexington from Reno has proved to be one of the most difficult things I have experienced. In Reno I was involved in ministry, friends, work and quite simply I enjoyed being busy. Upon arrival to Lexington I quickly realized that was all gone. I realized that I no longer had my friends. Ministry was not there to fill up my time and I no longer had a job. I was now a stay at home mom with five active kids and a brand new baby to care for. My husband had started residency and was gone 80 hours a week. This was easily going to be the easiest time in my life to hide, right? 


Wrong! As Psalms says, "where can I hide from your Spirit?" I can now answer, nowhere. 


God had taken me to the middle of nowhere and dropped me off. I was trying to tell myself that I will just "get through" the next three years. That is until I realized that God wasn't letting me take the short route into the "promised land" he was going to take me the long way through the desert. 


In Exodus 13:17-18 the Israelites had their freedom but now what?


"Now when Pharaoh had let the people go, God did not lead them by the way of the land of the Philistines, even though it was near; for God said, 'The people might change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt." 


Even though there was clearly a shorter route to the Promised Land God chose to take His people the longer route so they could recognize His love and provision in their own lives and not want to go back to the safety that Egypt offered. 


The shorter route was not what God has intended for my life. He is willing to let me feel alone so that I can look up. He is willing to expose my weakness so that I may feel His strength. He is willing to allow me to lose valuable friendships so that He may be my friend. He is willing to let us scrape by financially so that I will see the "manna" He has provided. He is willing to let me be in the dark so that He may shine His light. 


God is not letting me return to Egypt. 


"I know, O Lord, that a man's way is not in himself, Nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23


The "easy" is not always His best.


The "safe" is not always His best.


The "comfortable" is not always His best. 


The "known" is not always His best. 


Sometimes we are asked to take a journey that we may wonder why can't we take the easier route? You may be asking; "why can't my husband just find a job?" Why can't we have a baby?" Why can't I hear your voice, God?" "Why won't you let me be involved with that ministry?" "Why can't people see ME?" 


But He knows


He knows you


He knows what you need. You cannot hide from Him. You may have fooled everyone around you but you cannot hide from God's best for you. 


If you turn off the light, He will brighten the room. If you pull the covers over your head in rebellion, He will uncover your head so that a story can be told. 


Are you willing to take the long route? Are you willing to take the lonely road so that God can be your source? 


Will you allow God to reveal Himself to you... so that you not only hear of His love, but your eyes can see what He has done. 


"I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You." Job 42:5


Do you want to see Him so that you are not tempted to return to Egypt? 


Egypt offers safety but the Promised Land offers freedom. 


I want all that God has for my life! All that He has, not what "I" think He may have for me. I must walk through the desert first though. 


Are you in the desert? Count it as pure joy that God sees you! 


Recognize in your pain and despair that; "even there 'His' hand will guide 'you,' 'His' right hand will hold 'you' fast."Psalms 138:10


Today there may be a horrible dust storm in your desert but stand tall, close your eyes, and know that when it passes you will see Him and He will help you take the next step. 


Enjoy being a child of God's today... wherever your today may be. 


Father God, today we submit to you in the desert so that we can see you in the plentiful. Remind me today Lord to trust you with my hopes and fears. Help me see your face. Hold me in your hand and defend me from my enemies. I am yours Lord... thank you for not letting me hide out in the desert but instead take refuge in your promise. I love being your child. Teach me your ways God. --Amen.


Sit back and soak in God. Press play close your eyes and let Him minister to your heart.

These jeans don't fit!!!

Squeeze, pull, suck in.. okay breathe. Lay down on the bed, suck in again and zip. There zipped finally!
 Now is the tricky part I have to stand up and try to walk. I make my way to the edge of the bed, feet firmly planted ready to embrace my new jeans. I begin to sit up and it seems ever ounce of fat that I have not managed to squeeze into my jeans is now oozing over the top. You know what I am talking about... the all to familiar "muffin top." As if the reality of my jeans not "really' fitting isn't enough, I try to take a step in these jeans that are erupting with squishy goodness out of the top.
Oh yes I can walk, but it is more like a walk of pain. I look as if I am trying to hold a penny firmly in place between my legs. I shallow breathe, do a few squats, thinking maybe just maybe I can stretch them out. I turn around and look in the mirror and to my horror I realize that my butt that should look round instead looks like a ski slope. Any shape I possibly had is now gone. I am getting the picture now that I am not going to be comfortable in my own jeans. I desperately tried but the harsh reality is that they just don't fit. Could it be that I am a huge failure and the mere idea of one day being able to comfortably slip on those jeans will never be reality?

I realize that these jeans are going to require some actual work on my part. In order for those beautiful jeans to fit me I am going to have to give up a little. My morning chai loaded with yummy calories will need to be replaced with a walk. My love affair with carbs may need to take a backseat to an apple instead. Ridding my body of the unwanted fat is going to require work. I have to spend time caring for my body in a way that is not that easy. It isn't easy for me to eat the things I am supposed to and it isn't easy to deny myself the things that for some reason I desperately think I need.
I sometimes view my relationship with God the same way I view wearing that all illusive pair of jeans. I want to squeeze him into my life and when I realize it squishes out all of the ugly parts of me, I get a little uncomfortable. I lay back on the bed and try to soak up a little "God" time a.k.a. zip my jeans. I spend about 5 minutes randomly reading the bible and stand up hoping my day now will fit me like a glove. The God that I thought would calm my fears for the day is now not fitting me. I want to have him in my life but I realize I am going to have to cut out some things in my life to devote time to this relationship.

I can't help but think "what a failure" I am.  I know I will never look like her in those jeans. I will never have "that kind" of walk with God.
She makes it look so easy. I even see her eat candy bars and she still wears those jeans. We look at other women/men and think if only I had faith like her.
If only my life was that easy.
What I fail to realize is that in order for her to still wear those jeans and eat the candy bar, she has to also put in the hard work.
A life that glorifies God is sometimes painful. We have to cut out areas in our lives that we think we need but in order for God to complete the work in us he requires action on our part.
God wants to see us walk confidently in the jeans He has created for us to wear. But in order for us to wear the jeans we must begin the process of disciplining our body to wear them.
Our walk with God is not much different. He wants to use you in areas you never dreamt possible but you need to discipline your life so that you can begin to dream the dreams He has for you.

You can't expect to try him on for size every couple of days or weeks and be able to walk confidently in all He has for you.
You look at someone else, who's walk with the Lord you admire and think casual Christianity will get you there. God wants all of you. He wants you to want to spend the time building a relationship with him.
He wants you to feel amazing in the jeans (ministry) He has given you to wear. Once you begin to put in time praying, reading and just listening to His voice you will begin to see the change. There will be times when the run you are on seems overwhelming.  That friend that you just want to win to Christ, but every time you are with them you feel yourself compromising. You may need to get rid of that carbohydrate in your life that is keeping you spiritually fat.

Let God begin the work in you.

After you begin to walk in His truth and in relationship with Him, you may realize that those jeans were never going to fit you, because He created you to be the way you are and you keep trying to fit into someone else's jeans.

Philippians 1:6 "...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

What do you need to start cutting out so that you can begin to walk in all that God has planned for you?

"You're making me scared!"

We had just moved to Lexington, we were in a new house, new town, new everything. Our entire family felt out of place and unsure.
My four year old daughter Faith was being naughty so I sent her to her room for a time out. She stomped up the stairs with her arms crossed and lip puckered out. I said to her as she walked up the stairs, "Faith when you change your attitude you can come out." Her lip seemed to come out even further as she heard those words come from my mouth. After a couple of minutes of her sitting in her room I hear her yell at me, "MOM YOUR MAKING ME SCARED!!!" "Your making me scared." She kept repeating this over and over. The more she said it the sadder her voice began to sound. I reassured her that as soon as she was ready to obey she could come out of her room.
But in spite of my voice trying to reassure her that I was here and she was okay, she continued to get more and more worked up. Her voice went from a defiant "I'm scared" to a heart broken "but mommy I'm really scared."
Little did Faith know that I was also wrestling with the same thoughts in my own head. Inside I was crying out "God, you are making me scared." I kept repeating these lines over and over from the moment we started our journey from Nevada to Kentucky. "I'm scared God! I'm scared." I became so caught up in telling God how scared I was that I forgot to listen to his voice. I was acting like a little girl in my room, unable to hear my fathers voice because of all the noise I was making. I figured if I yelled louder (inside of course) he would swoop in and rescue me. If I yelled "I'm scared" he would certainly rescue me without the act of first being obedient. In fact just as Faith needed to obey me and trust that I knew best, I needed to trust my heavenly father. I needed to stop yelling and be quiet. I needed to obey and just follow Him where he had led me. I felt like God had sent me to my room, a.k.a Kentucky, as a punishment rather than a way to draw me closer to his heart.
We "had" to move to Kentucky for Tim's job (residency) so it required no obedience on my part. It didn't require me to step out of the boat and trust God. I "had" to go!
But as we drove across country the more and more I was yelling, "God I'm scared." I wanted him to let me go back to the safety of Nevada. Everything that I knew there gave me the feeling of being safe; ministry, friends, mountains, the list goes on and on, but the one thing I forgot to do was listen to His voice. He was shouting to me, "Nicole, I am here, just sit quietly and obey." I needed to  be quiet and just obey. I wanted to figure everything out, finances, friends, church but all he wanted was me to be quiet and obey his voice.
Do you find yourself like a little child screaming in your head, "your making me scared?" Are you so caught up in seeing the big picture that you can't hear him telling you to put one foot in front of the other and start walking forward? Are you yelling so loud that you are continuing in the same path that time after time has taken you no where. Sit quietly, stop yelling and listen to Him tell you that it is time to come out of your room. You don't have to be scared, He hears you.

The question is.... Are you hearing Him?          

Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"
                                                   Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"
                                                                Deuteronomy 5:27b "Listen and obey."

Father God, today as we go throughout our day help us to be quiet and just hear your voice. Lord if there is an area that has required obedience but we have sat back and just yelled "I'm scared" help us today take the first step of obedience by just being quiet. Help us to not be afraid to move forward out of fear. Help us to trust and obey that you know what you are doing and already have it all figured out. --Amen