"What's so wrong with playing in the street?"

           
              "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:18 

It was a gorgeous evening and Lauren wanted to head to the field across from our house to ride her bike. We gathered all the necessary things for her to safely ride- helmet, good shoes (no flip flops), bike. With my fourteen month old Bodie perched on my hip we opened up the garage and headed out.

Bodie playfully trotted around the field, pulling the grass and throwing it and giggling as his sister road round and round as he played. Lauren was tuckered out and ready to return home. We gathered our stuff and headed back toward home.

Separating the field where we played and our house is a busy street where cars often drive crazy fast. I have always been leery of this road and I have strict rules that our children have to follow when it comes to being in the front yard. My kids are extremely cautious when crossing and take the threat of this street seriously.

Lauren, Bodie and I headed home- I held Bodie close and clutched Lauren's hand as we darted across to the safety of our front yard. Once inside the garage I instructed Lauren to put away her riding gear and park her bike.... and Oh.... "shut the garage door." As she cheerfully obeyed, I walked inside with my little guy.

Once inside I set Bodie down and walked over to look through the mail we received that day. Not a minute had passed when I felt alarm bells going off inside of me.....

Alarm bells that impulsively made me check to see where my little toddler Bodie was.

I looked to my right, left... I quickly scanned the room and saw Lauren was seated on the couch playing on the computer but Bodie was no where to be seen.

I immediately ran for the garage...

As soon as I made my way around the corner I saw light beaming through the "OPEN" garage door.

Now... I am not a sprinter but..... This momma was sprinting and yelling.... BODIE!!!!

My view from the entrance of the inside garage door to the street was that of my little man playfully crouched down in the middle of the busy, heavily trafficked street.

I screamed... "Bodie!!!!"

He heard my voice and turned to look my way. I ran and scooped him up just as two cars were quickly approaching. I stood in the garage for several minutes kissing his little head and thanking the Lord for my boy.

I was compelled to say... 'Oh Lord!! Thank you for speaking to my heart and ringing those bells in my ear.' Had those bells rung seconds later- disaster may have struck and his life gone from this earth forever.

As I sit here and write I am separated from this event by a couple of days and many 'what if's' have come and gone from my heart and mind.

The one thought that keeps lingering is this....

                  "What gate (garage door) are you leaving open in your life? If not closed, disaster is just baby steps away from knocking at your door.

Often times we drown out the voice of God... The warning to flee... to run.... not go out into the busy road... and think that we can handle the danger.... and avoid the the oncoming traffic, so to say.

I left the garage door open and trusted that someone else would protect my baby.

God has given us certain boundaries, warning signs, off limit places and people- yet in our own wisdom we wander into oncoming traffic.

God has given these warnings because He knows that no one else has a watchful eye on His kids like He does.

There is nobody as concerned about being forever separated from His children/child (you) as your creator.

He wants you to play, laugh, run and enjoy this life but He wants us to heed warning and listen to His voice.

To Bodie, the middle of the street seemed like a safe place to play... but as his mom I knew the danger threatening to steal him away from me.


Today I want to challenge you...

               Have you left the door open for your children to be tragically hurt?

Have you not responded to God's voice and taken your eyes off of him?

             Have you fooled yourself into thinking that your boundaries are better than the ones God has for you?

Today, I want to encourage you to put your eyes back on Jesus... Listen to his voice once again.

Allow Him to run, swoop you up and carry you to safety.

Running on fumes

Not to long ago I was with a friend that is a genuine lover of her family. She works tirelessly to serve, love and take care of all their needs. She gets up early, home schools, makes her husband a great lunch for work, starts laundry, cleans the kitchen, vacuums... the list goes on and on.

Her service and devotion to her family often comes at the expense of loving her own health and mental well being.

I know a little of what she is facing. I have six kids and one teenage brother that need my constant attention... or so that is what I tell myself.

As parents we have bought into the lie that we 'need' to take care of our kids. We 'need' to make sure everything is taken care of.


We find ourself constantly running on fumes by the end of the day.






Slapping an 'Out of order' sign on our foreheads may

not be an effective way to deal....but it is how we feel.

Our chore list is longer than there are hours in the day, but our kids have yet to wash a sink full of dishes.            

Between running them to their practices, youth group, life group, friends house, mall, homework..... we justify their inability to do chores or contribute to the family.

Somehow we have blown it as parents and we are benefiting paying a high price for it.

Our marriages are dying, our mental health is suffering, our bodies are warn down and we are weary.

Why? Because we have lost the drive to say 'NO!"

"It is easier to do all of the laundry at one time."
                                                       
"It is easier to just 'do it myself."

I have friends that still do their teenagers laundry, pour their 13 year old a bowl of cereal in the morning, make their senior in high schools lunch. Dinner is always prepared for the kids, not 'with the kids.'

Beds are being made by mom and dad, rooms picked up while the kids are off at school.

After you have spent the last hour cooking dinner, you are quickly setting the dinner table. You cut your seven year olds food up into little pieces, serve everyones plates and just when you are about to put that bite of food into your mouth... the seven year old wants seconds and the baby needs a bottle.

STOP the chaos!!!

This is when you just want everyone to go to bed and your day to end.

Your teenager picks up their phone that you pay for and is pissed at you, so they verbally bash you on facebook for the entire world to see and storm off to their room leaving you to clean up the entire kitchen by yourself.

Do you see yourself riding on this never ending train?

We are facing burnout because we have been unwilling to face parenting.

Now what....

You must reclaim your life. You must begin to see your value separate from your children.

I am going to be bold here..... Get ready!

If your kids are over the age of 10 they need to start doing their own laundry. Yes, they will not do it perfectly but they need to learn.

Your seven year old needs to be told to wait. Do not give them seconds until you have eaten or let them serve themselves.

Your baby that is screaming at the table needs to be taken to their bed while you sit and enjoy some family time.

Your kids MUST contribute to the family. They were not created to be served and you were not created to be their servant.

Make a commitment to not unload the dishwasher for the next two weeks. They must 'learn' where things go in the kitchen.  This job is done by my 5 and 7 year old. Yes they even put away the glass plates. They stack all of the dishes on the counter under the cabinet it goes in. After the entire dishwasher is spread out across the counters they pull a chair up and begin to put the dishes from the counter into the cabinets.

Do not set the table tonight. If you cook the dinner... they can set the table.

Be prepared....

You may even be called "mean!" (((Sigh, gasp, gulp))) Get over it!

Your responsibility is not to raise pampered children. You're responsible to train them to be productive adults.

If your teenager uses the phone you pay for to break the rules, view inappropriate media, say inappropriate things on social medial outlets... be brave and parent your child. You do not need to provide extras if they are unwilling to submit to authority.

At some point in life they will have to obey someone. They will always be under someone else's authority. Don't you want them to learn in a healthy way what that looks like?

Of course a home full of chores and void of anything else is not helpful either.

Give chores and tasks for your kids to complete...
                   
                     But praise them as they go. They will not do it right all of the time.

Tell them you are proud of them.

Say 'thank you' when they complete their chores.

Don't let them go one day without hearing three words, "I Love You!"

Your effort today will allow you to begin to reclaim your identity separate from your children.


--Nicole


Let me know your thoughts below. What are some things that have worked well for your family?

Will you grab ahold of the hem of His garment? 

Listen and share. 


Leave me a comment... Conversation is awesome in understanding who we are. 

--Nicole Howes

Day 14: Love Intentionally

1 Corinthians 13 is no doubt a call from God to His children to live differently.

It is so easy to walk away... get rid of... move on... lash out... ignore or simply justify our behavior, however we are asked to respond differently.
                                             
                                                   Above everything we are to LOVE!!!
God is love.

Loving people intentionally is in turn loving God himself.

I have been challenged in the way I "thought" I loved people.  I "thought" I was doing a pretty good job.
                 After all I serve, I smile, I include.....I...I...I!!!

When I read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, I now see that in order to love someone I must make a conscience choice. It is a decision I make even when I don't 'feel' like it. It doesn't rationalize or qualify it just loves.

           "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


Understanding that God is love helps me also understand that I will never be perfect in the way I do it. The closer I walk with God and the more I try to be like Him, the more my love will be evident.

The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”  Luke 18:11-14


As we move throughout our day, encounter difficult people, see the sins of others, at times we are treated badly, when your emails are ignored and you feel like you are not seen...
                           
May we take on the one characteristic of God that is the greatest of all... 


LOVE!!!   


How do you love?
                                          Do you place conditions and expectations on those you are willing to love?


Telling someone that you love them doesn't go very far...
                                                                  


The Pharisees thought if they did all the right 'things' and followed all of the rules, that Jesus would be pleased with them. But we see in the passage above that God wants us to be humble, not comparing ourselves to one another but making our behavior line up with Christ. 


He is after our hearts...
                                                        He is after you...


The more we learn to love intentionally... the more we learn to love God himself. 


Daily practice the characteristics of loving... Your actions matter... Ignoring people doesn't make them go away.


                                Loving them as Christ loves.....
                                                                                 changes your heart...


Are you ready for a new heart and a new way of living... 
                                                          
                                                Take an opportunity to Love Intentionally today.  


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr9YVD05x8M&feature=youtu.be

Listen to 'For King and Country' Let your life be the proof of His love.

Comment below... I want your feedback. Did you learn anything from this 14 days...? Please share so that others can see what God is doing in your life.

What series would you be interested in next time????




             

Day 13: Love Always Perseveres

                                                 Love Always Perseveres.

Who doesn't long for a good love story?

                     Disney has offered us story after story of 'happily ever after,' however we tend to took at the end of the story and forget all the in between.

Snow White, was fairest of them all and that enraged the queen (her step-mom) so much that she stopped at nothing to destroy her.

                    Cinderella, had a step mom that was consumed with jealousy. Her jealousy drove her to do unthinkable things to her step daughter. She forced her to work in terrible conditions. She treated her poorly, disrespected her, abused her and disregarded the value she had as daughter of the king.

Ursula, couldn't stand King Triton and sought to destroy him. His daughter Ariel was bright eyed and adventurous. She longed to experience what 'others' experienced and wanted to carve out her own path. She made a deal with 'the devil' in order to have what she wanted.

                      Sleeping Beauty... oh sleeping beauty... from the moment of her birth the evil witch sought her destruction. The king and queen (her parents) went to great lengths to protect her from the evil plan that threatened to destroy her life.

Simba, sweet little Simba... His father held him up and declared to all of his kingdom that he was the 'chosen' son. From a cub everyone knew that one day he would sit on the throne. Everyone including the jealous, evil Scar. He trapped Simba and made him believe that he was responsible for the unthinkable. He robbed years from Simba's life, took what didn't belong to him and declared it as his own. Scar prided himself on the destruction of Mufasa's kingdom.


In fairy tales the girl always gets the guy... the kingdom is restored and the rightful king is declared...

But what about the in between time?

If you have accepted Christ's forgiveness and have allowed God, the King of Kings to be Lord of your life then you are currently in the 'in between' time.

You will walk through times when you feel like Cinderella. When your life looks the same day in and day out. You long to experience the joy that others have. You long to be pursued and rescued by the handsome prince. At times you have been so close to 'having it all' until...

                            Simba forgot who he was... He forgot that he was the son of the king. He gave into Scars lies and gave up on a future that involved being who he was born to be.

Disney offers us more than beautiful endings, they show us perseverance.

                                                             Love Always Perseveres         


Happily ever after here on earth is never promised....
       
                          We are all in some way living out our own modern day fairy tale...


The fairy tale doesn't happen without the story. The story involves perseverance!


                        Perseverance involves sacrifice.

Have you been so caught up on the what if's... what could have been... the how's and the why's?

Perhaps everyone around you is getting married, having babies... enjoying life...

Perhaps you are married and your happily ever after has turned into a prison sentence and you feel chained and shackled to a life you never wanted.

Are you battling a terrible illness that seeks to rob your purpose, your joy, your life...?

Or maybe you have bought into the lie that you will never.....
                     
Perseverance comes when you are willing to walk through hard times.

Perseverance happens when you are living.

We all walk through hard times...

                             What does your persevering look like...?

Simba, Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel..... None of them knew that what they were doing was persevering.

At some point in all of Disney stories the main character realizes that they have a role to play. They realize that they were chosen for something.



Perseverance is Biblical... Jesus persevered!

Moses persevered... David persevered... Abraham persevered... Paul, Noah, Isaac, Joseph... They all persevered.

There is a point in all of our lives when we must chose to persevere or throw in the towel.

Any marriage that has lasted any length of time tells a story of perseverance.

                           The fairy tale doesn't just happen...

Perseverance always comes down to your will... your choice... your decision...

Perseverance is a "steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state,etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement."

Are you willing to persevere?


                       What are you facing that God is calling you to love (persevere)?


If love always perseveres then it is willing to face whatever may come and it will persistently pursue the heart of God.  


Are you pursuing being right? 


or....           Are you pursuing a life that loves above all else? 


Love Perseveres! 


Love perseveres... It walks through the pain, disappointment and misunderstandings. It sacrifices, it gives up self for the reality that you are a child of the KING! Perseverance laughs in the face of the villain and it is willing to slay the dragon. It doesn't turn around and give up, instead it presses on, asks for help, takes an army into the battle. Perseverance isn't going at it alone... instead it recognizes that you have a role to play and that the story is not yet finished.


Will you love intentionally today? 




Don't miss a chance to love. Take a moment to listen. 


http://youtu.be/pr9YVD05x8M 

             

Day 12: Love Always Hopes

HOPE...

                Hope is a word that speaks for itself.

Hope is what drives us toward a goal
             
               Hope helps us release a loved one after death... knowing that we will see them again

Hope is why a person goes into treatment for an addiction that has ravaged their life

                Hope says, "keep running to the finish line"

Hope brings energy to an exhausted  and weary body

              Hope tells an abused wife to seek help and refuge from the abuser

Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel

             When we are tempted to quit and give up... Hope keeps us going

When we fear the worst, hope reminds us that God is in control.

              When there seems to be no way, hope shows us the way

 Love Always Hopes!                


In a world where people fail us daily, trust is easily broken and when giving up looks all too tempting, God offers us Hope!
           
Have you ever found yourself saying, "this is a hopeless situation!"
                 
                                           If your answer is yes... then let me tell you... there is hope.

Often we look at the situation, the people involved and say there is no way...
We want the bills to be paid, we want the abuse to stop, we want the burden to not feel so heavy...
The hope doesn't come from the situation... it comes from God.

Hope in things, people, circumstances or situations will ALWAYS leave us wanting more...

Psalms 71:5 reminds us that our hope is in the Lord.

When we attach expectations and hope to our circumstance we nudge out God. Yet without hope we are bankrupt.

As we daily learn to be more intentional about the way we love people, begin to remove the hope from the circumstance or person and place your hope with God.

Misdirected hope sets you up to feel betrayed and abandoned, however loving intentionally reminds us that a person can't nor ever will feel in the gap reserved for the hope God offers.

Over the past year my husband and I have faced some of the hardest financial times in our marriage. Tim began residency in June 11' and our move to Kentucky caused us to take a $45,000/year pay cut.

Hopes and dreams are generally connected... Tim making it through medical school and now residency has been no exception.

Our hope that we are moving toward God's best for our family is what keeps the vision alive.

There have been months that we seriously didn't know if the power would be shut off, we wondered how food would be put on our table. Our vehicles have broke down, the kids needed supplies, money for school, gas to fill our tank, at times it felt impossible .........

But for God.....

Our pay has not increased...
However, we have received a gift card in the mail from an unidentified person, we have been blessed with groceries from the food bank, our vehicles have began to work even when no repairs were made....

Our hope has not been in people, rather our hope is in the Lord.

We trust God because He alone is our hope.

When I have been pressed to my max because my load is so heavy, God has provided a way of relief.

When Tim's work week moves from 70 hours and hovers around 100, I have hope that God is sustaining our family.

What does it look like when 'Love Always Hopes?'

Perhaps you have been blessed with resources, skills, talents and abilities that are unique for what someone needs. Not to say that you are their hope, but rather to say God can use your sacrifice to offer hope to a person.

Love always hopes.... because God is the source of every good gift.

A couple of months ago I stood in a long line of people to receive groceries. Inside I felt like I was going to die. I was embarrassed, humbled and I felt like I was alone.  I couldn't believe that in pursing God's best I would have to ask others for help.

As I stood in that line on two different occasions I began to realize that my Hope is in the Lord.... and that I was being offered a gift that would provide yet again something that our family needed.

Often Hope has to squeeze out your pride... Hope has to bring you to the bottom so that you can fully understand where hope comes from.

Every check my family received in the mail, every gift card, every small act of kindness from a person was showering Gods love!

Someone was being intentional!

Someone was restoring our hope...

God provides through other people.

If your marriage is on the brink of disaster... would you be willing to lose your pride and ask for help?

Love ALWAYS hopes... And since God is Love... our hope is in God's gift not ours.

Do you feel hopeless financially? Pride will keep you in that place of hopelessness.

Is your situation hopeless?

Don't rely on the person to be the solution to the problem... You will never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, a good enough wife/husband, father/mother, friend, brother or sister....

You cannot be someone's hope... Only God can be. When God is someone's hope, opportunities for you to be His hands and feet become obvious.

Opportunities for God to show up, happen because you respond to that nudging from God inside...

The nudging that says...

             Pray with that woman at the bus stop....
                    Pay for the person's groceries in the line in front of you.....
                              Offer a ride.....
                                    Do something...

Love intentionally today.

Challenge:
Look for an opportunity each day to speak words of affirmation, give of the resources that God has blessed you with, listen to that voice inside that nudges you toward action.
Stop ignoring God's call on your life to point others to Him. You never know when God will use your intentional actions to offer hope to the weary soul.

Share a time in the comment area below when someone else showed up in just the nick of time. Encourage others through your stories.

God has gifted and trusted you with so much. Will you be intentional in the way you respond to others around you?

Love Always Hopes!!!

Day 11: Love always Trusts

One of the greatest compliments you can ever receive from another is to be told, "I trust you."

Day 11 builds on 1 Corinthians 13, 

                 

                   "Love is patient, Love is kind. Love does not envy, Love does not boast, Love is not proud. Love is not self-seeking, Love is not easily angered, Love keeps no record of wrongs, Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, Love always trusts, Love always hopes, always perseveres."

Love always trusts!!!

                                    Always???

                                                          According to Paul, love always trusts. 

Let's look at a different translation of this passage. 

"Love believes all things"              

                                   Always!!!

                                                        

We all are a work in progress, we all are to daily try to be more Christ like. 

                 

                                                                  We all can usually admit that we have trust issues. 

At least I will! 

                     

                                 I have a hard time trusting people that have proven themselves to be a complete

                                 train wreck in the past. 

So what is trust anyways? Does it mean that we blindly allow people to continually hurt us in the same way?

I think that the way that NIV translates this passage brings a lot of negative connotations along with it. 

Other translations say that Love believes all things.

So, what does it mean to 'believe all things?'

Let's take a look at the cheating spouse.

A wife who allows her husband to reenter her life after he has violated the very foundation of their marriage. He has chosen to step outside of the marriage to fulfill a selfish desire. What makes her ever let him return?     

                She 'believes all things!'

She believes that the decision he made was wrong.... but she believes in him, that God can and will change his heart. 

Now what do we say about a spouse that cheats over and over and over again?

                 Is love also ignorant?  Does love have no value for self?

Love doesn't say push me around, trample me, lie, cheat, steal, and rob my joy... 

Instead love says, I believe all things that God says about you to be true. If God says that we are His children... well then... we are. 

Sometimes it is pride that gets in the way of loving someone enough to say "enough is enough".  

If a person is too proud to reach out to others for help because they feel others will judge, think less of, whatever the case may be... then you are not in the position to love your cheating spouse the way God asks you to.

Trusting in other people is also telling them what is okay... Is it okay that someone continually cheats on you? No, and believing all things is saying I love us enough to seek total restoration and allow others (pastors, counselors, friends, family) to enter the picture so that what I believe to be true about you can be restored. 

We all know people that arrive hours late for things, don't respect others time, make a scene, embarrass, gossip, lie, tell half-truths, abuse with manipulation, control, steal, laugh, belittle.... the list goes on and on....

How do we reconcile what Paul says about love and how we respond to others. 

We do it by "believing all things!"

You believe that someone will behave differently... If it is a time issue... Remove that expectation. Say to yourself, 

        "I will continue on with my day as planned even if they arrive late."

Choose to no longer allow someone else's actions to dictate your reaction.

Make a choice to love differently.

When you are around someone that is known to gossip... believe all things... change the conversation, stand up for the one being gossiped about.

                  Believe that the person is who God says they are....

In families we see people that refuse to give up on, let go of and say goodbye to God's best in others lives... why??? Because that person 'believes all things." 

That person believes that the other person has a unique role to play on this earth and that it isn't just to constantly make your life miserable. 

People generally don't fulfill their potential unless someone believes in them. 

Moses killed a man and ran away for forty years... God saw his full potential and chose to use him to lead His people out of slavery.

David took another man's wife and slept with her. He committed murder and yet God still saw his full potential... He made David king over all of His people. 

Paul who wrote this chapter on love... He was a murderer of Christians. He gathered up men to travel around with him and murder those who professed faith in Christ. God saw the "best in him." He made Paul one of the most influential people for the advancement of the church. He established churches and helped show them how to live life to glorify God. God used this very untrustworthy guy to write the love chapter and a large section of the new testament. 

We will never be perfect in the way we trust people. We need to practice wisdom and always ask your self am I applying all areas of love if I allow this to happen again. 

Only God can change someone's heart... You can't!!! You can only "believe all things."

If you are the wife that has stayed with your husband for decades 'believing all things' let me applaud your love.

If you are the wife that has stayed and not asked for help... let me encourage you by saying... you cannot change the situation. Only God can.  Please allow others to help. 

If you are the mom of the wayward child... you do it because you "believe all things." Keep loving that child but you can't allow that child to abuse, take advantage and destroy you in the process of loving them.

Who today have you been believing all things for? 

Who needs you to see them as God sees them?

Who needs you to love yourself so that you can begin to believe all things for yourself.

Life never happens alone... We need others to process life with. 

Today will you choose to love intentionally?