Dating our Kids Creates Opportunity

As I sat across the table and looked at these two handsome guys that the Lord has entrusted me with I couldn't help but smile. One is mine because I carried him for nine months and the other is mine because when I was seventeen the Lord chose to bless our family with his life.

One of the boys favorite place to eat is Buffalo Wild Wings. Now this isn't one of my favorite places but they love it therefore I choose to love it. T.V's are plenty and distractions abound, but the sweetness of time away is treasured.

Going on a date with my kids isn't to make them feel uncomfortable or to pick their brains in hopes of them revealing all of their dreams to me. It isn't with the intention that they will divulge their secrets and confess all of their sins but a place where they know I am all theirs.

Dating my kids creates opportunity.

Opportunity to laugh, share, invest and teach.

Laughter is something that we do a lot together as a family. We tease one another, joke when someone does something goofy and play silly tricks on each other. On dates I try to be intentional about laughing  with my kids.

One of the best parts of time away with my kids is sharing my experiences with them and hearing them share theirs with me. This doesn't have to be deep, life-changing conversation. What it is... is simple conversation that often leads to deeper more intimate conversation as they've grown older. It's where I learn the wants, needs and individual desires of their hearts. Not because I'm poking and prodding them to pour their hearts out but because just like any dating relationship they learn to trust me more and more with their hearts.

I cannot think of a more effective way to invest in my kids as individuals. When we are dating someone we are investing in the relationship and in turn telling them how important they are to us. Our children are no different. From the smallest to the biggest in our home we intentionally invest in them as individuals. Granted each date looks different depending on their age, personality and likes but it is an investment worth our time, energy and money.

I wish I could say that our kids are super human and naturally they know how to do everything right but that just isn't the case. One of the most rewarding and hardest things we face in parenting is finding teachable moments. Moments where we can turn an ugly situation into something of value. I cherish the times when we intentionally invest into who they will be as men and how they will see themselves as women. These opportunities don't 'just happen,' we need to look for them and teach life skills from them.

While on our date to Buffalo Wild Wings teachable moments were plenty.
As moms we are able to teach our boys how to be excellent servants of their wives. It is our job to teach them how to treat women. Over the course of our date there were several times that we entered and exited our vehicle. Each time the boys would race to the car, jump in and look up to see their mom shivering in the cold outside of the car. Could I have opened my own car door? Absolutely, but it was a perfect teachable moment. A freezing cold, bone chilling moment but none the less, a moment. The boys would burst out with laughter as they would exit the car, run around and open my door for me.

I want my daughter-in-laws to be blessed with excellent men.

As we learn to be better, more present parents we develop healthier, more intimate relationships with our kids.

Ready for the bombshell?!?!?

Our kids are going to screw up! Oh yes, big time.

Investing in our kids through dating, opens the door to communication when we aren't 'feeling the love' in those sticky situations.

Your kids are a gift. It is your responsibility to parent and invest in their future. Dating your kids is one of the easiest ways to show them that you value them individually. It tells them that they are worth your time and effort. It creates an openness and a willingness to grow both as the parent and the child.

Be intentional today about laughing, sharing, investing and teaching your kiddos. I doubt I will receive a message from someone telling me how much they regret dating their kids.

Blessings,

Nicole

Hearing and obeying the voice

It was a night like any other.

I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off getting all of our kids in bed. My husband was working a night shift so I snuggled into bed alone.

Usually I struggle with falling asleep but this night I was out like a light.

Around two in the morning, I kept hearing this voice in my head saying, 'get up and go get Bodie and put him in bed with you.' Bodie is our sweet little eighteen month old.

In my half awake state a battle within my head began...

"Nicole, go back to sleep! Bodie is sound asleep in his bed, let him sleep."

                I felt annoyed and frustrated that I was having these thoughts.

Laying in my bed wide awake I felt so silly. For the next half hour I battled trying to go back to sleep with the intensifying voice to 'get up and get Bodie.'

I don't know about you, but I have internal conversation with myself all of the time. Often it is about normal, everyday things but this time I just thought I was acting ridiculous.

I have learned over the years that some of those 'ridiculous' sounding voices are the ones I need to take notice of.

As ridiculous as I felt I decided that the only way to get some sleep would be to 'obey' the voice telling me to go.

I snuck into his room and scooped him up. I cuddled his warm little body against mine and immediately fell back to sleep.

Not long after falling asleep, I was woke up to Bodie soaking my chest. It wasn't a normal vomit but lots of fluid mixed with froth coming from his mouth.

I flipped on my light that sits on my bedside table to find my sweet little guy having a seizure.

His hands pulled up and stiff by his face, his toes pointing straight down.

His entire body was rigid and an awful noise was coming from his mouth.

I cradled him in my arms with his back up against my chest to allow all of the liquid to easily flow from his mouth. His little eyes were part way open but all that was visible were the whites of his eyes.

I had experienced this before with my daughter and knew not to call an ambulance, even though everything within me was screaming to 'get help!!!'

After a minute (which felt like ten) his seizure stopped. I suspected that it was a febrile seizure brought on by a rapid rise in body temperature. I gave him some Tylenol to bring his fever down and watched him for the remainder of the night.

For the next couple of hours I laid there feeling so protected and loved.

My little Bodie was going to have a seizure with or without me present, but the fact that the creator of the universe woke me up and directed me to bring him into bed was amazing.

Had Bodie been in his bed sleeping on his back the way I found him before I brought him into my room, he may well have aspirated and no longer be here with us.

It is so easy to shrug off the voice in our head. We often dismiss it as being 'silly,' 'overprotective,'
or even plain wrong. One thing that I have learned over the years of following Christ is that the Holy Spirit doesn't speak to me in a 'man voice,' He speaks to me in my own head. In a language that I personally understand. In a voice I recognize.

God is a loving Father and desires that we would communicate with him. So when I laid there doubting the voice I asked myself a question...

- Is this my voice or is it yours God?

I didn't hear back-- "Nicole, it is me the Lord your God! Get up and bring Bodie in your bed!" Insert your best Barry White voice.

Instead I heard again in my own voice the same thing I had been hearing. As annoyed as I may have been I chose to obey.

Obeying God often feels inconvenient and annoying. Often we look around and think, "everything is going so good, why do something different?"

As in my case I was sleeping just fine and so was Bodie without us being in the same bed.

God gives us many opportunities to hear His voice and trust that He knows best. But the obeying part is still up to us.

Many people have entered or stayed in relationships because they didn't obey the warnings before they took a covenant to marry someone. The course of their life was radically changed because of it. They endured many unnecessary heart aches that God wanted them to avoid.

God didn't want Bodie to leave this earth that night. He didn't need another angel (like many have said when a baby dies). He wanted me to obey and avoid unnecessary heartache.

I am reminded of John 10:27, "My sheep hear my voice,  I know them and they follow me."

When we walk through heartache it isn't necessarily that we didn't hear his voice. But it is important in every circumstance both little and big that we listen and obey God. Even when we question the outcome.

The closer I walk with the Lord and the deeper my relationship with Him grows, the more I am convinced that He speaks in the big and in the small. He is never far from us and He desires for us to listen to His voice.

Your decisions are just that.... Yours. But God is not absent in those decisions. I am certain that even when we feel like God is far away, He is ever present and speaking to us.

God is a loving, merciful Father and wants to lead and direct us.

Will you obey His voice?

Will you do something differently even if it is inconvenient or annoying?

Will you walk away even when everything looks perfect (except for the little voice telling you to go)?

--Nicole

Are you looking for a Zacchaeus encounter?

How do we respond when the busyness of life crashes together with a divine encounter that the Lord has orchestrated?

In Luke 19 1-10 A story of inconvenience, curiosity and forgiveness plays out that should cause us to stop, look around and want more inconvenient opportunities.

As Jesus was passing through Jericho a little man named Zacchaeus was curious, interested in this one who the crowds were flocking too. He was not a man of good character, he was wealthy, not just a tax collector but the chief tax collector (the big cheese). He was considered unclean because he touched money. 

 Zacchaeus climbed a tree to catch a glimpse of Jesus as he passed by.

What made Zacchaeus so curious? Why did this "little" man take the time to climb a tree? What was he hoping for?

I think he was just a little curious if there was possibly more to this Jesus than what he had heard from others. 

I think he was hoping for an actual encounter with him. 

As Zacchaeus sat perched in the tree Jesus came by. When Jesus reached the spot he looked up and said, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately..." vs. 5.  Jesus stopped not because he had to and certainly not because it would make him look cool. He stopped because he loved Zacchaeus and was willing to meet him where he was at that moment. Jesus went one step further and told him, "I must stay at your house today."

I wonder when Zacchaeus climbed that tree if he was at a place in his life that he needed to encounter Jesus? If Jesus just passed by because he was "to busy" or worried that he might be frowned upon for talking to him, Zacchaeus could have been lost for eternity. Zacchaeus not only from that moment on believed in God but his entire household was saved. 

"For the son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." vs. 10

How many times have we just passed by? 

Who in your life is like Zacchaeus perched watching you, waiting for you to stop and share your life with him/her?

Are you willing to go one step further and not only talk to that person but sit down, break bread, enter their house? 

God sometimes asks us to rub elbows with the "unclean," frowned upon people in society. 

You may even think you have nothing to offer... after all that was Jesus that approached Zacchaeus, right?

Wrong. 

If you have received forgiveness, you are a new creation.  

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17. 

Someone should be shouting amen right now!!! 

You have the authority and the right to stop and be available. Be ready to respond to what or who God is placing right in front of you. 

The times I have grown the most in my life are the times that I have seen God move in others lives. 

I want a Zacchaeus encounter. 

Are we so scheduled, busy, getting life done that we are missing these little moments to impact someone else's life?

Sometimes we are required to give when it hurts (we may not be able to purchase that amazing gift we wanted for Christmas), because God is asking you to spend it on the single mom who is quietly waiting for Jesus to pass by.

You may have to be ten minutes late for a play date because on your drive to the park you notice a women crying on the bench by the road. 

Is she waiting for Jesus to pass by?

Your grocery budget might be a little stretched this month because for the next month you are going to commit to having dinner with the married couple that wants to throw in the towel because it is just starting to be to much. 

Are they waiting for Jesus to intervene?

Your jacket is sure warm right now... imagine all of those sleeping in tents. They will most likely never contribute to your church in a financial way, but God would have you stop and take a moment to care.

Who is the Zacchaeus in your life? 

Call someone down from the tree and do what Jesus did for Zacchaeus. 

You are not Jesus but you were made in His image. 

You will not have all of the answers but that is not what anyone is looking for. 

They are looking for someone, not just anyone but the ones that call themselves Christians. The ones who know where to find hope. 

They are waiting for you to notice, for you to respond. 

Lord, thank you for modeling the ministry of interruption. Thank you for showing us that even you, Jesus Christ has time for us. Lord help me look for Zacchaeus moments in my life. Lord give me wisdom as I try to balance being available with being busy.  Help me not judge rich or poor but to seize every opportunity to show your love to someone today. --Amen

--Nicole Howes

Share with me a Zacchaeus moment you have experienced. Perhaps you were Zacchaeus and someone didn't pass you by. I would love to hear your story. 

Everyone knows about the elephant in the room!

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible."
Ephesians 5:13-14

I have often thought about what it would be like if there were no secrets, no hidden areas in our lives. 

If what we thought about in the quietness of our minds played out in real life... 

               What might that look like?

Imagine you are in a darkened room. In the room are grotesquely shaped sculptures, sharp objects hanging from the ceiling, piles of junk on the floor, and old furniture to stumble into. In the dark, it is possible to imagine that the room is really "O.K." But light would reveal an ugly scene indeed; and then there could be no more pretending! Wouldn't the truth to our "eye" be a better kind of pain than that of stumbling, groping around in such a room? With the light on, everything would be exposed; the room could be navigated without harm; it could be cleaned up; and there might also be things of value and beauty in the room that could be seen and used. If the light comes on, do we welcome the truth or rush to "turn it off"; do we receive it, even though it may hurt?

John 12:46 (NIV) "I [Jesus] have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."

We are not made to hide from things; in fact the things that we hide from end up causing the most pain, confusion and uncertainty.

I know that in my life, I have been guilty of ignoring that big, fat, stinky elephant in the room.   

The blaring problem, which was so obvious but because fear of speaking the truth, I suffered the consequences and kept silent.  

OR

The personal growth that I have hindered within myself because of my unwillingness to address the 'fat elephant' in the room out of fear that I may hear the truth.  

A couple of years ago I sang on worship team at church. One night we were rehearsing for the upcoming weekend and everyone in attendance kept asking, “What is that smell? It smells awful!!!” 

Soon, I realized that my hands had retained the smell from the food I had been cooking for our Easter meal earlier in the day.      

I knew where the smell was coming from. I just didn't want to own up to it. 

 I also realized that no matter how embarrassing or silly it seemed, I needed to come clean and tell everyone that I was the stinky one.

    

After letting people go on and on about the smell I finally admitted that the smell was coming from me.    

I was the smelly one!!!!

Later I found out that everyone already knew that I was the one to blame, but didn’t want to say anything because they didn't want to hurt me.  No one wanted to address the real problem because of some potentially hurtful consequences. 

So everyone tip toed around the thing that was so distracting. 

Now this is just a silly example but it is something that is so easy to do with the big, painful and even devastating things in our lives.    

I am guilty of this very thing.    

In my marriage, this behavior kept my husband and I from truly reaching one another's hearts for years.  I knew things were not right and so did he; but without bringing our struggles, hurts, and even sin into the light each of us fought our battles alone.    

 We fooled ourselves into believing that we could hide away the “elephant” which was tearing us apart. 

We bought into the lie that if we didn’t talk about it then magically it didn’t exist.  To top it off  we even fooled ourselves to believe that God was okay with us keeping things in the dark, so that we wouldn’t have to endure such pain.

This pattern of behavior squashes relationship and promotes unhealthy behavior in those we love. 

Often the things people say and do affect our lives negatively but we tip toe around the real issue so that their feelings are spared. 

All the while they don't understand that everyone knows they are the one stinkin' up the place.   

Don't misunderstand me here. I would agree 100% that there is a time to speak and a time to be quiet (Eccl. 3:7). We need to prayerfully take our circumstance to the Lord. 

Perhaps today you realize you are the person in the room that everyone is tip toeing around. 

Maybe you have been avoiding having a hard conversation with someone because you are afraid the truth will hurt them. 

For years you may have experienced loneliness and isolation, all because people are afraid to address the 'real' issues with you. Often it is so much easier for them to avoid, limit their time or simply not address the topics that are known to be 'touchy.' 

At different points in all of our lives we experience situations where we would rather stumble around in the dark, simply out of fear of what we may find when we flip on the light. 

Choose today to be different. 

Choose today to flip on the light and let others in.  

Give God permission to come clean up those areas that have been hidden by the darkness.  

Bring what you have kept hidden into the light. 

Doing this will require you to communicate with others. 

There is freedom that comes with walking in a room without obstacles and that is brightly lit. The freedom is no longer stumbling on all of the junk laying around.  

Be blessed. 

These jeans don't fit!

Squeeze, pull, suck in.. okay... breathe. 

                               Lay down on the bed, suck in again..... and zip. 

Zipped- finally!

Now is the tricky part, I have to stand up and try to walk. 

I make my way to the edge of the bed, feet firmly planted ready to embrace my new jeans. I begin to sit up and it seems every ounce of fat I haven't managed to squeeze into my jeans is now oozing over the top.

You know what I am talking about... the all to familiar "muffin top." 

As if the reality of my jeans not "really" fitting isn't enough, I try to take a step in the jeans that are erupting with squishy goodness out of the top.

Oh yes... I can walk, but it is more like a walk of pain. I look as if I am trying to hold a penny firmly in place between my legs. I shallow breathe, do a few squats. All the while thinking, maybe just maybe I can stretch them out. I turn around and look in the mirror and to my horror I realize my butt should look round, but instead it looks like a ski slope. Any shape I possibly had is now gone. 

I am starting to realize that I am not going to be comfortable in my own jeans. 

I desperately tried but the harsh reality is these jeans just don't fit. 

Could it be that I am a huge failure and the mere idea of one day being able to comfortably slip on those jeans will never be reality?

I realize that these jeans are going to require some actual work on my part. In order for those beautiful jeans to fit me, I am going to have to give up a little. 

My morning chai loaded with yummy calories will need to be replaced with a walk. My love affair with carbs may need to take a backseat to an apple. 

Ridding my body of the unwanted fat is going to require work. I have to spend time caring for my body in a way that is not easy. 

It isn't easy for me to eat the things I am supposed to or deny myself the things that for some reason I desperately think I need.

I sometimes view my relationship with God the same way I view wearing that all illusive pair of jeans.

I want to squeeze him into my life and when I realize it squishes out all the ugly parts of me, I get a little uncomfortable. 

I lay back on the bed and try to soak up a little "God" time a.k.a. zip my jeans. 

I spend about 5 minutes randomly reading the bible, stand up and hope my day now will go great.

The God that I thought would calm my fears for the day is now not fitting me. I want to have him in my life but I realize I am going to have to cut out some things in my life in order to devote time to this relationship.

I can't help but think "what a failure" I am.  I know I will never look like 'her' in those jeans. I will never have "that kind" of walk with God.

She makes it look so easy. I even see her eat candy bars and she still wears those jeans. We look at other women/men and think if only I had faith like her or him.

If only my life was that easy.

What I fail to realize is in order for her to still wear those jeans and eat the candy bar, she has to also put in the hard work.

A life that glorifies God is sometimes painful. We have to cut out areas in our lives that we think we need but in order for God to complete the work in us he requires action on our part.

God wants to see us walk confidently in the jeans (ministry) He has created for us to wear. But in order for us to wear the jeans (live out that ministry) we must begin the process of disciplining our body to wear them.

Our walk with God is not much different. He wants to use you in areas you never dreamt possible but you need to discipline your life so that you can begin to dream the dreams He has for you.

You can't expect to try him on for size every couple of days or weeks and be able to walk confidently in all He has for you.

You look at someone else, who's walk with the Lord you admire and think casual Christianity will get you there. 

God wants all of you. 

He wants you to want to spend the time building a relationship with him.

He wants you to feel amazing in the jeans (ministry) He has given you to wear. 

Once you begin to put in time praying, reading and just listening to His voice you will begin to see the change. 

There are times you will feel overwhelmed and 'not good enough.' 

That friend that you just want to win to Christ, but every time you are with them you feel yourself compromising. You may need to get rid of that carbohydrate (friend or group) in your life that is keeping you fat.

The constant comparison to how other people wear their jeans (marriage, ministry, life ect.) is a guaranteed joy killer. 

Focus on who God has made you as an individual and recognize that you have influence over a group of people that is unique to you. 

Let God begin the work in you.

After you begin to walk in His truth and in relationship with Him, you may realize that those jeans were never going to fit you, because He created you to be the way you are and you keep trying to fit into someone else's jeans.

Philippians 1:6 "...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

What do you need to start cutting out so that you can begin to walk in all that God has planned for you?

Share with me your story and encourage others with your life. 

Be blessed

Painting That Will Never Fade

We knew it was going to be a different kind of Christmas when my mom announced that this year we couldn't afford anything. We hadn't purchased a tree or any gifts to go under it. Paint and a white door would have to do. Mom told us that we couldn't even pay our bills let alone try to do what most Americans deem the norm for Christmas.

We lived in a single wide trailer out in the middle of nowhere. The walls were terribly thin and cold air flowed into our small house quicker than the fireplace could heat it.  My younger sister, older brother, my mom, her husband and I, lived in this shell of a home.  We had two tiny bedrooms and little hope. We were surviving and at that time Jesus' birth seemed of little consolation to this seventh grade girl.

Mom sat my sister and I down with lots of different colored paint and a fresh canvas on the white interior side of the front door. Mom painted the Christmas tree. With every stroke of the paint brush, the door was quickly turning into a beautiful piece of art.

She was desperate to make Christmas special even in the midst of our poverty. My sister and I anxiously waited for the tree to dry so we could start to paint ornaments onto the bare tree. Red, Blue and yellow balls never looked so beautiful.

We had a Christmas tree now.

Some may frown upon and even take pity on our version of a tree, but it was beautiful. I went to bed that night, cold from the temperature but my heart was warm from my mom's love.

I slept good that night. The next morning I woke up and went out to find my mom had painted a few presents under the tree. I was giddy with excitement because she took the extra time and stayed up to paint a gift under our tree. Over the next couple of weeks the painted tree was the focal point in our home. We had fun creating beauty out of sadness. My mom took pride in showing her kids a Christmas with or without money.

Christmas morning came and we eagerly awoke knowing that presents we would not find. Instead, wrapped and perched at the top of the couch were three "real" gifts.

"Mom, I thought we weren't going to have gifts," I said with excitement.

With tears flowing down her cheeks my mom replied, "I had some extra food stamps so this is the best I could do."

 She made us sit like any other Christmas and watched us one by one open our presents.

My brother went first. He opened a huge jar of peperoncini's.

Then my sister opened her favorite thing, Maraschino cherries.

It was my turn.

I remember feeling excited because my mom had picked out the perfect gifts.  She purchased the best she could offer with the little resources she had. I ripped the paper away and inside was a jar of Italian mix Giardiniera. It was a delicious pickled vegetable mix with a kick of spice.

I loved it!

Every year as I watch my own kids open their gifts, I can't help but think how even in the poverty I faced as a child,  God still had his best to offer me.

Sometimes we think that God isn't offering us what He is capable of providing for His children.

The reality is God has already given the perfect gift. The painted gifts under our tree provided me with a reminder for life that God alone provides all our needs. My mom's best was painted on the door and wrapped into three small gifts.

Often we get so caught up in our circumstances that we forget about the gift.

If we all received exactly what we deserved we would receive death. Instead God has given his free gift of eternal life. 

Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

We can't buy it!

When we surrender our will to the will of God's, he gives us our life back to use for His purposes.

New gifts, toys, and things that we have never used before require an owners manual. You must read it and read it again when you forget how to operate the thing properly.

We are no different. Once you have given your life over to Jesus don't expect to know how to operate in the fullness He has for you without consulting the owners manual. The bible. He created you and knows how you operate and you are a unique model.

It is always easy to slip back and except the familiar, the road most traveled. The person who is willing to consult the owners manual, is the person that will have life to the fullest.

My mom offered us the best she could without trying to pretend she had anything else. That is exactly what God wants from you.

In this busy, often stressed filled time when it is so easy to feel like we don't have enough or have much to give... Remember to be faithful with what you do have. Be thankful in the season and situation you are facing. Know that God is with you right where you are.

Offer Him your best! How ever little you may feel your best is, He will use it for purposes that are bigger than what you could have dreamt possible.

He will paint a beautiful canvas and on that canvas He will surprise you with new gifts each day. 

Lamentations 3:23 declares, "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning."

Today I encourage you to offer God your best so that He in turn can use your life for His best. 

Lord, I am thankful for your constant gift of salvation in my life. Thank you for your mercies that are new every morning. Help me Lord to see you in ALL situations. Open my eyes to the things around me. You are the perfect gift! Thank you for sending your son. -Amen

My convictions don't have to be yours

 1 Thessalonians 5:11,
                 
            "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

I don't know about you, but every now and again I get on a kick about this or that. During my 'kick' I become passionate and vocal about my view on the topic. Somehow I become super human and more knowledgeable than even the 'experts' concerning the subject matter.
I think we have all done this at one time or another.


Have you ever been to a baby shower?

Inevitably at a baby shower, women will discuss their personal experience with childbirth. If you sit back an observe this little thing called competition kicks in. I don't think anyone intends for it to happen but away the conversation will go with personal convictions and stories.

You will hear horror stories of brutal doctors and nurses. Sometimes you will hear just the opposite of how thankful someone was for the care they received.

From across the room you will hear someone chime in about how they were 'all natural' and yet another will express why you should or shouldn't have an epidural.

       Breast feed or bottle?             Cloth diapers or disposable?             Midwife or hospital?
                             Water birth?               Natural or unnatural? (although birth is always natural)
   Epidural or not?               30+ hours vs. the momma who took 2 hours...

And this all takes place at one baby shower!!!

Sometime during pregnancy you will hear people tell you why you should or shouldn't vaccinate.
Look online and you will find an answer that will support either argument, regardless of the validity of the research.

What about how you feed your baby? Organic or inorganic.

We are bombarded with all of this within the first couple months of becoming a parent. After that we constantly feel compared to other moms. Once they make it out of the toddler stage we are forced to decide if we will put our kids on the big yellow bus or home school.

I can't imagine why at times we totally exhaust one another?!?! Or why it's often so difficult for women to connect with other women.

Everyday we face decisions that affect the path or direction our life will go. Often those choices are not huge but they are personal. 

One thing we can be sure of...

         We will all be faced with 'real life' situations that force us to make tough choices.

We have to decide if we will be a stay at home mom or a mom that works outside the home.
For some of us this is a heart wrenching, sleepless night decision that has to be made.

We see our friends appearing to have it all together... balancing home, work, school, church and family.

And inside we feel like we really don't measure up.

We log onto Facebook and see a conversation about homeschooling verses public school and everyone seems to be the resident expert on the topic.

You see what is happening?

We are tearing each other down rather than building one another up. We forget that every life, every family, every situation is different.

Just as there are no two people alike, there are no cut and dry answers to these tough topics.

Is it worth being martyred over? 

Is it worth destroying our relationships? 

Is your stance on a topic so solidly grounded (factual) that you are willing to potentially cause division? 

God has given us clear guidelines on many topics and on others they are not so clear.

A wise professor in college once told me that we need to temper our responses and only give absolutes about things we are willing to be crucified over.

Is it a matter of heaven or hell?

Is it a matter of eternity or temporal things?


"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Next time you find yourself in a room with a friend or you decide to post on Facebook here are some questions to ask yourself?

Is my comment going to be helpful or hurtful?

Is this just my opinion or fact?

If making a statement about God's character or behavior... Back it up with scripture or don't say it.

Am I giving this person permission to be who God created them to be or am I expecting them to conform to my way of thinking.


Your convictions are personal and if you wait a year those convictions will probably change.


We are all vastly different in our experiences, knowledge and current life situations, therefore we must offer grace to others.

God may be lighting a fire under your fanny to stay at home and cook 21 square meals a week for your family, but this doesn't have to be true for your neighbor.

God may be pressing on your heart that homeschooling is the best option, while your best friend still chooses public.

Perhaps God has been asking you to lead a Bible study for your teenagers group of friends and this will require you to buy take out for dinner that evening. It's okay.

If your friend is in the pains of labor and says "I don't know if I can do this!" Remember labor hurts like  H-E-C-K and every person is different.

It is okay to obey God, even if everyone around you is doing the exact opposite.

Our convictions are personal and we need to cautiously approach others with our zeal for life.

Remember that God may not be calling everyone to the same thing or things. One thing we know to be true is God has called us all to love one another (John 13:34-35).

Give yourself permission to say yes to God and no to people.

We all love to share our experiences and knowledge; heaven knows we enjoy hearing from others but when you do hear opinions remember these key things:

-Condemnation and conviction are two separate things. Conviction stirs your heart and causes you to act. Condemnation feels heavy and smothers out life.

-What is right for their family, may not be God's best for mine.

-Seek counsel from trusted people. Make sure these aren't 'yes' people, instead people willing to speak truth over your life and into your situation.

-Does what I am hearing line up with scripture?

We are all on this journey called life. All of our stories are as different as the animals in the sea, but God created us all to live together for a reason. We need people. We need each other. We need affirmation and someone to encourage and speak life into our weary bones.

Will you begin today to speak life into a dry valley?

Will you release yourself from the chains that someone else has tied you up with?

Thank you for letting me share my heart. I'm thankful that God created you unique and different than me. Let me know your thoughts. Maybe I can pray with you about something.... I would love to hear from you.

--Nicole

Feel free to share this with anyone!