Day 12: Love Always Hopes

HOPE...

                Hope is a word that speaks for itself.

Hope is what drives us toward a goal
             
               Hope helps us release a loved one after death... knowing that we will see them again

Hope is why a person goes into treatment for an addiction that has ravaged their life

                Hope says, "keep running to the finish line"

Hope brings energy to an exhausted  and weary body

              Hope tells an abused wife to seek help and refuge from the abuser

Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel

             When we are tempted to quit and give up... Hope keeps us going

When we fear the worst, hope reminds us that God is in control.

              When there seems to be no way, hope shows us the way

 Love Always Hopes!                


In a world where people fail us daily, trust is easily broken and when giving up looks all too tempting, God offers us Hope!
           
Have you ever found yourself saying, "this is a hopeless situation!"
                 
                                           If your answer is yes... then let me tell you... there is hope.

Often we look at the situation, the people involved and say there is no way...
We want the bills to be paid, we want the abuse to stop, we want the burden to not feel so heavy...
The hope doesn't come from the situation... it comes from God.

Hope in things, people, circumstances or situations will ALWAYS leave us wanting more...

Psalms 71:5 reminds us that our hope is in the Lord.

When we attach expectations and hope to our circumstance we nudge out God. Yet without hope we are bankrupt.

As we daily learn to be more intentional about the way we love people, begin to remove the hope from the circumstance or person and place your hope with God.

Misdirected hope sets you up to feel betrayed and abandoned, however loving intentionally reminds us that a person can't nor ever will feel in the gap reserved for the hope God offers.

Over the past year my husband and I have faced some of the hardest financial times in our marriage. Tim began residency in June 11' and our move to Kentucky caused us to take a $45,000/year pay cut.

Hopes and dreams are generally connected... Tim making it through medical school and now residency has been no exception.

Our hope that we are moving toward God's best for our family is what keeps the vision alive.

There have been months that we seriously didn't know if the power would be shut off, we wondered how food would be put on our table. Our vehicles have broke down, the kids needed supplies, money for school, gas to fill our tank, at times it felt impossible .........

But for God.....

Our pay has not increased...
However, we have received a gift card in the mail from an unidentified person, we have been blessed with groceries from the food bank, our vehicles have began to work even when no repairs were made....

Our hope has not been in people, rather our hope is in the Lord.

We trust God because He alone is our hope.

When I have been pressed to my max because my load is so heavy, God has provided a way of relief.

When Tim's work week moves from 70 hours and hovers around 100, I have hope that God is sustaining our family.

What does it look like when 'Love Always Hopes?'

Perhaps you have been blessed with resources, skills, talents and abilities that are unique for what someone needs. Not to say that you are their hope, but rather to say God can use your sacrifice to offer hope to a person.

Love always hopes.... because God is the source of every good gift.

A couple of months ago I stood in a long line of people to receive groceries. Inside I felt like I was going to die. I was embarrassed, humbled and I felt like I was alone.  I couldn't believe that in pursing God's best I would have to ask others for help.

As I stood in that line on two different occasions I began to realize that my Hope is in the Lord.... and that I was being offered a gift that would provide yet again something that our family needed.

Often Hope has to squeeze out your pride... Hope has to bring you to the bottom so that you can fully understand where hope comes from.

Every check my family received in the mail, every gift card, every small act of kindness from a person was showering Gods love!

Someone was being intentional!

Someone was restoring our hope...

God provides through other people.

If your marriage is on the brink of disaster... would you be willing to lose your pride and ask for help?

Love ALWAYS hopes... And since God is Love... our hope is in God's gift not ours.

Do you feel hopeless financially? Pride will keep you in that place of hopelessness.

Is your situation hopeless?

Don't rely on the person to be the solution to the problem... You will never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, a good enough wife/husband, father/mother, friend, brother or sister....

You cannot be someone's hope... Only God can be. When God is someone's hope, opportunities for you to be His hands and feet become obvious.

Opportunities for God to show up, happen because you respond to that nudging from God inside...

The nudging that says...

             Pray with that woman at the bus stop....
                    Pay for the person's groceries in the line in front of you.....
                              Offer a ride.....
                                    Do something...

Love intentionally today.

Challenge:
Look for an opportunity each day to speak words of affirmation, give of the resources that God has blessed you with, listen to that voice inside that nudges you toward action.
Stop ignoring God's call on your life to point others to Him. You never know when God will use your intentional actions to offer hope to the weary soul.

Share a time in the comment area below when someone else showed up in just the nick of time. Encourage others through your stories.

God has gifted and trusted you with so much. Will you be intentional in the way you respond to others around you?

Love Always Hopes!!!

Day 11: Love always Trusts

One of the greatest compliments you can ever receive from another is to be told, "I trust you."

Day 11 builds on 1 Corinthians 13, 

                 

                   "Love is patient, Love is kind. Love does not envy, Love does not boast, Love is not proud. Love is not self-seeking, Love is not easily angered, Love keeps no record of wrongs, Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, Love always trusts, Love always hopes, always perseveres."

Love always trusts!!!

                                    Always???

                                                          According to Paul, love always trusts. 

Let's look at a different translation of this passage. 

"Love believes all things"              

                                   Always!!!

                                                        

We all are a work in progress, we all are to daily try to be more Christ like. 

                 

                                                                  We all can usually admit that we have trust issues. 

At least I will! 

                     

                                 I have a hard time trusting people that have proven themselves to be a complete

                                 train wreck in the past. 

So what is trust anyways? Does it mean that we blindly allow people to continually hurt us in the same way?

I think that the way that NIV translates this passage brings a lot of negative connotations along with it. 

Other translations say that Love believes all things.

So, what does it mean to 'believe all things?'

Let's take a look at the cheating spouse.

A wife who allows her husband to reenter her life after he has violated the very foundation of their marriage. He has chosen to step outside of the marriage to fulfill a selfish desire. What makes her ever let him return?     

                She 'believes all things!'

She believes that the decision he made was wrong.... but she believes in him, that God can and will change his heart. 

Now what do we say about a spouse that cheats over and over and over again?

                 Is love also ignorant?  Does love have no value for self?

Love doesn't say push me around, trample me, lie, cheat, steal, and rob my joy... 

Instead love says, I believe all things that God says about you to be true. If God says that we are His children... well then... we are. 

Sometimes it is pride that gets in the way of loving someone enough to say "enough is enough".  

If a person is too proud to reach out to others for help because they feel others will judge, think less of, whatever the case may be... then you are not in the position to love your cheating spouse the way God asks you to.

Trusting in other people is also telling them what is okay... Is it okay that someone continually cheats on you? No, and believing all things is saying I love us enough to seek total restoration and allow others (pastors, counselors, friends, family) to enter the picture so that what I believe to be true about you can be restored. 

We all know people that arrive hours late for things, don't respect others time, make a scene, embarrass, gossip, lie, tell half-truths, abuse with manipulation, control, steal, laugh, belittle.... the list goes on and on....

How do we reconcile what Paul says about love and how we respond to others. 

We do it by "believing all things!"

You believe that someone will behave differently... If it is a time issue... Remove that expectation. Say to yourself, 

        "I will continue on with my day as planned even if they arrive late."

Choose to no longer allow someone else's actions to dictate your reaction.

Make a choice to love differently.

When you are around someone that is known to gossip... believe all things... change the conversation, stand up for the one being gossiped about.

                  Believe that the person is who God says they are....

In families we see people that refuse to give up on, let go of and say goodbye to God's best in others lives... why??? Because that person 'believes all things." 

That person believes that the other person has a unique role to play on this earth and that it isn't just to constantly make your life miserable. 

People generally don't fulfill their potential unless someone believes in them. 

Moses killed a man and ran away for forty years... God saw his full potential and chose to use him to lead His people out of slavery.

David took another man's wife and slept with her. He committed murder and yet God still saw his full potential... He made David king over all of His people. 

Paul who wrote this chapter on love... He was a murderer of Christians. He gathered up men to travel around with him and murder those who professed faith in Christ. God saw the "best in him." He made Paul one of the most influential people for the advancement of the church. He established churches and helped show them how to live life to glorify God. God used this very untrustworthy guy to write the love chapter and a large section of the new testament. 

We will never be perfect in the way we trust people. We need to practice wisdom and always ask your self am I applying all areas of love if I allow this to happen again. 

Only God can change someone's heart... You can't!!! You can only "believe all things."

If you are the wife that has stayed with your husband for decades 'believing all things' let me applaud your love.

If you are the wife that has stayed and not asked for help... let me encourage you by saying... you cannot change the situation. Only God can.  Please allow others to help. 

If you are the mom of the wayward child... you do it because you "believe all things." Keep loving that child but you can't allow that child to abuse, take advantage and destroy you in the process of loving them.

Who today have you been believing all things for? 

Who needs you to see them as God sees them?

Who needs you to love yourself so that you can begin to believe all things for yourself.

Life never happens alone... We need others to process life with. 

Today will you choose to love intentionally? 

Day 10: Love Always Protects

My family and I set out on a journey across country to our new home in Kentucky. The truck was loaded and the r.v. hitched behind....

               The anticipation of the move, the daunting task of driving 2,300 miles with five kids, being twenty-seven weeks pregnant, towing a R.V and driving a moving truck was quickly the reality we were facing.

This trip was guaranteed to build character as it began to turn into something right out of 'National Lampoons Family Vacation.'

Within thirty minutes of our drive I realized that the trailer that I was towing had no lights... no turn signals, no brake lights... nothing!

Not a good thing when it is a beast! Our trailer is 32' long so people need to know when I'm trying to get over.

I called my father-in-law from a grocery store parking lot and he drove to my rescue. In the freezing cold and bitter wind he rewired the truck so that our R.V would signal properly.

We were back in business!!! On the road again we went....

Until...
           
             1 mile from my father-in-laws house the alternator went out on the truck.
                                                                                                     
                                                           Are you kidding me?!!!!

Again, Tim's dad to the rescue. Tim and his dad unhitched the trailer, tucked me and the kids away for the evening with yummy food and a movie as they worked late into the night replacing the alternator.

I was already grieving the fact that we were moving so far away and this trip was not making it any easier.

The next morning we set out yet again... Now a day behind schedule.

We drove all day!

After driving all day we arrived at a place that should've been a good stopping point, however I told Tim we should go ahead and drive another 100 miles to make up some time...
                         
                                     Oh, yes!!!  You know what's coming...... another set back!!!

We were stopped on the side of the road for over three hours behind a horrific accident.
It was late... We were tired... I emotionally was about to go into total melt down....

We searched and searched for a place to park for the night and sleep. We found nothing. Our 100 extra miles was now turning into almost 150 extra miles in the middle of the night.

Tim found a R.V park on the edge of a beautiful river.... Awesome right???

              No... not right. We were parking this beast of a trailer with crying kids, barking dog, and me in total melt down mode, on the edge of a rushing river that we couldn't see because it was pitch black outside.

Tim knew I was feeling very momma bearish... I cried as I tried to help him park the r.v. the entire time thinking we were going to back our family over this cliff into the river I heard raging below.

With softness in his voice, Tim kept reassuring me that it would be okay and that he could get it parked safely.  He then calmly ran from one end of the trailer to the next after each maneuver to adjust the position of the trailer so that I would know how careful he was being.

Now two in the morning, Tim kissed me on the cheek and told me that he loved me and to get some sleep.

The next morning we set out for five more days of traveling.

On day four of our trip, one of our kids had to pee something fierce, so Tim pulled off the road onto an exit for a "quick" stop....

                       After all the kids did their business, Tim put the truck in gear and... and... wait for it...

Yes something else...
               
              Our transmission was gone in our truck.  This time friends that lived 100 miles away came to the rescue.  We were able to have a great time of fellowship with them as we waited for our truck to be finished in the shop.  Two days before the truck was finished I was able to get to our new home in Kentucky as Tim and Ellie stayed behind.  When the transmission was repaired they hitched the trailer to make the final 400 mile trek to Lexington and halfway through the truck lost power again and they landed on the side of the road.  For four hours Tim and Ellie waited near a cornfield on the side of an Indiana freeway until the tow truck arrived.

Okay by this time I am thinking that we missed God's voice in moving to Kentucky... After all when God asks you to do something it's easy right??? Everything always goes smoothly?!!!!

Wrong!!!!!

This trip was speaking volumes to me about what Paul said in 1 Corinthians "Love bears up under anything and everything that comes (Amplified Bible).

The protection of a father was so real to me during this trip. Not only did my husband respond with love in a time that had the potential to severely divide us but the foreknowledge of Tim's dad acted as protection as well.

Tim's graduation present from medical school from his dad was a AAA membership. His fathers heart wanted to 'protect' his children. He couldn't make the trip but he looked ahead to the what if's and protected his son's family the best way he knew how.

On our trip across county we used that AAA membership three times and felt so taken care of by our father.

Often we think our little gestures of love go unnoticed or unappreciated but to this pregnant, over stressed momma I surely felt protected and loved.

My father-in-law wanted to protect his family from being stranded on the side of the road, so he acted months in advance and loved on his children.

This trip was a series of events that showed me how much God loves us. He allows us to walk through things that build our character and cause us to look to Him.

God used other people to "protect" his children.

God used my father-in-law, my husband and our dear friends that drove 200 miles roundtrip to rescue us off the side of the road.

Don't underestimate your role in God's plan.

I believe that just as Tim's father's heart was to protect us over our journey, our Father's heart is to protect us through all of our respective journeys', just as he did on our trip to Kentucky.

The journey isn't always easy and there are certainly times when we feel like we missed the mark, but God acted way in advance just like Tim's dad did.

                           He desires to protect you... His provision and protection was evident on the cross.
He wants to protect you from an eternity separated from Him. He not only wants to protect you from it, He made a way for you to have 'road side service.'
           
                           He will pick you up at any hour, any time, no matter the cost... He will reassure you and calm your fears as the journey progresses. When you are tired and weary because everything is 'breaking' and falling apart, He will tuck you in... kiss your forehead and tell you to get some sleep.

                         After you've made the choice to keep on pushing ahead trying to make up for lost time, He will bring you to the river's edge and calm your heart with His gentle voice.

                         When all of the signals have quit working and your headed for a disaster, He will meet you on the side of the road and take the time to rewire you and mend the brokenness that has crippled your journey.

                         Just when you think that nothing else could go wrong, He will send others to come along side of you... Offering a safe place to land and rest for your weary soul.

                       When your sitting all alone on the side of the road, it will be there that your Father will meet with you personally. He will play in the cornfield and watch fireflies dance through the air, all why reassuring you that the journey is not yet over.

                       It all starts with a call for help... It starts with your admission of needing a father. You reaching out and saying I need to be towed to safety and need to be rescued from my despair.

The journey won't get any shorter but our loving Father will guide us along the way.

                    Will you call on Him today? 
                                 
                                 He offers unlimited tows, free battery (heart) charging, roadside assistance all included when you call on His name.

                    Will you make the call....?

Be intentional about loving today! Let God Love You!!!

 Love always Protects!!!            


http://youtu.be/pr9YVD05x8M

Day 9: Love Does Not Delight in Evil... But it Rejoices with the truth.

Breaking News!!!            
         
           Did you hear that Kim Kardashian...?       Can you believe it?
                                                John Edwards trial continues as mistress....! Oh the scandal.
Ted Haggard falls from glory and loses it all!              
                                                        Bill Clinton reveals that he did have relations with that woman.
           Katy Perry is getting a divorce...
                                                       We love a scandal... We love a good story.
                           
We live in an age that glorifies and declares all out victory on the missteps, misfortune and undoing of anyone we see fall.
       
            We justify our dislike for them, we rationalize our disgust. We rejoice in the undoing of others.

The blatant sin of another makes us feel secure in our standing with God. And on some level when we see the pain that others have walked through and it makes us feel just a little bit better.

Our hearts take a deep sigh of relief when someone isn't as good as everyone thought.

               If someone has treated us poorly or spits in the face of someone we love and they finally get their "due judgement," we feel a sense of relief.

We use the Bible to vindicate our behavior... with a chuckle we say,
                                                                                 
                                                                  "Vengeance is mine says the Lord!"

Instead of encouraging others toward forgiveness we reassure their position and say "don't worry God will deal with them!"

No wonder people want nothing to do with this Jesus that well meaning people use as a tool in the future destruction of others and to justify ungodly behavior.

It is only because of God that we aren't all tortured, laughed at, mocked and ridiculed.

                   He desires us to live a different way.
                                         
                        He desires to see His children not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth!

Albeit, punishment is necessary for certain offenses, it should not be a source of joy and excitement.
A sense of joy and satisfaction should not warm our hearts. We should not gloat in the pain that another is about to walk through.

What about an EX--- An Ex-spouse, an Ex-boss, an Ex-coworker?

Generally they are an 'EX' because there has been bad blood or a parting of ways at sometime.
             What is your reaction to the news that they are facing.....?
Do you feel a sense of justice in their current situation?
             Are you angry when your 'EX' is experiencing joy and excited when they walk through pain?

When love enters the picture...It changes 'Everything!" 

The news that your spouse was diagnosed with... tears out your heart. You feel dismayed and desperate.

When your child that everyone else thinks is useless is again homeless, arrested, found drunk... You grieve!

When your friend who is a well known speaker/writer and suddenly is caught up in a scandal, your heart is heavy and saddened.

It is so hard to see the ones we love vulnerable and in pain. No matter the circumstances we should not delight in the undoing of others.

Love rejoices with the truth!!!


The truth is... well... we all sin.          The truth is...  at sometime our pain will be the reason for someone else's joy.

The truth is... ready for this one.... We ALL screw up!!!

We all are an "EX" something!

Love gives us God vision. It allows us to see the heart, the pain, the fear, the truth!
     
                 It allows us to rejoice in the truth of what God says about that person and not what the 'breaking news' proclaims.

Love allows us to feel compassion for the murderer, it allows us to feel grief for a wayward son. It allows us to think about someone else and what they are facing without attaching judgement or condemnation.

"Loving your neighbor" begins to take on a entirely different meaning when we rejoice with the truth.

We can begin to see why Jesus says, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:20-21. 

When we heap burning coals on another, we must put it in context with the character of Jesus and the culture in which it was written. People didn't plug into the wall for electricity. In order to feed their family they built a fire. They warmed their homes, dried their clothing and it was a source of life.  It isn't about burning them...  it is about heaping coals on them so that they will have comfort and life another day. It is about loving them even when they are your enemy. You shouldn't be kind to another person in hopes that they will burn in annoyance from your goodness. Instead your kindness is a sustainer of their livelihood.

It changes your motives and your heart.... and that is what God is after!

The reality of loving others intentionally becomes clear with Jesus!
         
            "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.... 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:35-40


The reality of not being so caught up in 'ME' and loving the way Jesus asks us to... is when we will truly experience joy.

When we are able to love Jesus, we will want to 'rejoice with the truth.'

Will you heap coals on another today... in order that they may have life?

Please listen to this song:    http://youtu.be/pr9YVD05x8M

I am asking that you share this... encourage others... Help teach another to Love Intentionally.
Do you have a small group? Possibly begin 14 days of loving with your group.

Leave me a message.
:)








               

Day 8: Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

Day 8..... (((Sigh))) Okay if I am being completely transparent, I need to confess that I feel a huge responsibility in writing about how 'love keeps no record of wrongs.'

After all, what on earth does that mean anyways?
           
             Does it mean that I continue to allow someone to destroy and rob the joy from my heart?

If I am not 'allowed' to keep records of wrongs then how do I make wise choices in who I spend my time with, who I allow my family to be around, and what decisions I make regarding the level of intimacy and vulnerability I have with that person in the future?

Anytime I have attempted to put up boundaries whether it be with Christians or non...
       
           A response straight from the Bible is usually offered.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Matt. 7:3)

This response is usually always given by someone wanting to justify and defend their behavior. More often then not they are seeking to shut you up and take the attention off of the actual topic.

If it is put as a Facebook status you will usually see comments that follow that say...
                     
                    Amen!
                                Preach it!!
                                                    So true!!.

This further affirms someone's stance or opinion on a subject.

I do not believe that a loving father would ask his child to go to the home of a known pedophile or his teenage daughter to the home of a rapist. Yet both the pedophile and rapist would say 'don't judge me."

That same father knows his children enough to know who and what is trying to scratch out their very cornea.

So whether it is a speck of dust or a plank in someone's eye... It needs to be taken out.

Likewise, I do not believe that my Father in heaven asks me to leave my wounds exposed for vultures to devour.

We must use wisdom in what we surround ourselves with, yet our hearts need to be free of hatred, malice and rage when making that decision.

There are so many examples in Proverbs alone that point out who and what to avoid.

Proverbs 24:8, "He who plots evil will be 'known' as a schemer."

Many times before you meet a person their name proceeds them. They make choices on what they put out there (lifestyle choices). Are we to ignore those and pretend all is okay?

The story of King David comes to mind. David was favored by God. He was 'A man after God's own heart." God established his kingdom through him and loved him deeply. Yet David did something that was terrible by any standards.
             
          David 'saw' Bathsheba (another man's wife), he 'sent' for her, he 'acted' on his lust and slept with her. If that wasn't enough he tried to cover up the pregnancy that resulted from the affair. When it couldn't be concealed he had her husband murdered (2 Samuel 11).
David was so loved by God, But David faced severe consequences for his actions.

God forgave David saying, "The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die..."(12:13-14).

Sadly David faced terrible consequences for his sin.

 He was brought to his knees.

Because of his sin his family faced terrible pain, the first son born to Bathsheba and David died (12:18), one of his sons Amnon raped his daughter Tamar (incest of the worst kind 13:1-19). The rape was avenged by yet another brother Absalom killing Amnon (13:28-29).

What is clear from the sin of David is that sin begets sin. When sin happens consequences follow.

What we need to learn from the life of David is that God is the forgiver and the one who punishes... not us.

When someone has wronged you or hurt you... let God deal with them.

Why is it that when I am asked to forgive,  I feel like I am letting the other person off the hook. I somehow feel like I am letting them get away with it.

Forgiveness is the hardest thing to give away and always goes to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Everyone around you justifies your position and helps you feel justified in your rational for not forgiving.

The reason Paul admonishes us to 'keep no record of wrong' is because it causes us to lose sight of who God is and takes matters into our own hands.

I have had an internal dialogue with myself many times in which I am unable to rid my head of what someone did to me or what they did to someone I love. My heart and head want justice but the one who forgives me asks me to forgive them.

And even worse, is when that internal dialogue is about the forgiveness we offer to ourselves for our past. We keep a record of all the wrongs we have committed in the past and offer little hope for our future.

When we offer forgiveness to ourselves and others, we free ourselves from the one who destroys...
       
Forgiveness is not easy!!!

However...

Forgiveness is necessary!!

How do we move toward forgiveness and free ourselves from feeling like we must be the one to offer punishment for the wrong?

When a person wrongs you...
       *Refuse to point it out to others
             *Accept God's forgiveness in the situation and follow his voice.
                     *When the internal dialogue begins... Stop it in its tracks.
                             
The top thing that always puts forgiveness in perspective for me is ...
                           I tell God how I feel about the situation and the person.... and then.....
                                    I ask God what he thinks of that person.
                       

Right about now you are saying.... But... But...

'Nicole, you have no right.... you have no idea what he/she did!!"

You are absolutely right!!

I don't....

But I do know what it feels like to be lied too... lied about... cursed... robbed... have someone violate you... have someone take what didn't belong to them...

and I know that keeping a record of those wrongs is so hard not to do, but it only destroys you!!!

I posed the question at the beginning...

               "Does it mean that I continue to allow someone to destroy and rob the joy from my heart?"

The answer is no!! But the only way I stop it from continuing is by forgiving.

When I continue to keep a record...I in turn allow their actions to determine my behavior.

Joy disappears when I hear their name... joy is robbed when I am faced with the thought of them.

Why? Because I am keeping a record...

Our head knows that we are to forgive, but it is so hard to make our heart obedient.

Listen to this song. It was written after a mother chose to forgive the man who killed her child while he was drinking and driving... She went on to forgive him. He is set to be released from prison, at that time he will join this mother in sharing a message of forgiveness and hope.
Maybe you can relate to the words.

http://youtu.be/G9KwXsTO_o8

Forgiveness holds the key to your future... unlock the door.

Perhaps you need help processing your thoughts... send me a message.
Or maybe you never received the forgiveness from a loving God that I have been talking about... Message me... I will show you how it is possible to be forgiven.




                     

Day 7: Love is Not Easily Angered

Anger altogether isn't a bad or a negative thing. Anger that tears down and fails to build up is destructive and we need to rid it from our lives. 

At one time or another we have all been witness to anger. Whether that anger was unleashed from a parent, spouse, friend or acquaintance, it sticks with you. Anger leaves a lasting impression. 

Anger yells, 'I'm right and you're wrong!' 

                     

                   It tears down, humiliates and strikes fear in those who witness it. 

Some families can set their clocks by when, why and where anger will be released. 

People learn to tip toe around certain subjects and dance around topics that evoke anger in a person. 

                  Anger is the easiest tool a person has to control others actions with. 

                                        "Love is Not Easily Angered"

Today I wish to discuss silent anger. We all know what it looks like to be loud and obnoxious in our anger but do we know that there is another type that flies under the radar, yet is just as destructive. 

In the early years of my marriage I would not have thought myself to be an angry person, however looking back I can see that albeit I didn't scream and throw stuff my anger was one of the worst kinds. 

Tim and I would engage in conversation that was 'touchy' and if I didn't agree or like it, I wouldn't stay around very long. I would hold up in my room, take a day to punish Tim by not communicating with him. 

            

I would justify my behavior with self-talk that said, 

                                

                  'At least you are walking away,' 

                        'You didn't scream at him and tell him what you really thought about the subject.'

   

I thought it was 'healthy' to run and hide when I was sad, angry, hurt or simply didn't get my way. 

I learned to punish Tim. I wanted him to 'show' me that he was wrong and I was right. 

Although I thought my actions were justifiable they were just as abusive if not worse. I was lashing out in my own way. 

My actions conveyed a lack of concern, care or respect for those that I loved. 

I showed them that they better say the right things and treat me a certain way or I would run, hide and make them pay for treating me poorly. 

I conveyed a lack of concern for others feelings because 'my feeling' were far more important. 

I played the role of wounded sheep really well. 

I knew how to stop a conversation by simply refusing to engage. My refusal displayed unbridled, uncontrolled anger. 

                 I had an anger problem. 

Previously I said that this is possibly the worst kind of anger because loud aggressive anger is easy to identify.

Just the opposite for the silent anger that kills and destroys relationship. Silent destructive anger speaks volumes to your character. It speaks volumes to your relationship with Christ. 

            

               Your anger says, "don't piss me off or you will be punished." 

We are not to be touchy, easily provoked, resentful or overly sensitive with our feelings. 

        We are to be slow to respond and quick to forgive. More times then not we are quick to respond and terribly slow to forgive. 

Over the years I have learned that my behavior affects other people. Being quick to 'cut and run' showed others that I was in control. 

"I'll show you!! I'll refuse to engage." 

When we are easily provoked we show a lack of self-control and a lack of trust in God. 

Anger, be it silent or loud, plants seeds of bitterness and spitefulness. 

Anger is born from our doubts, fears and even our unmet expectations. 

Anger is destructive because it keeps us constantly in the same place in life. Anger destroys God's work in and through us in the present and future by holding us hostage to our past. 

Anger takes a teachable moment and transforms it into a weapon that kills others slowly. It makes them pay and suffer. 

Anger takes a God moment and transforms it into a 'me' moment! It closes off communication from the people God intended you to learn from.

Have you ever heard someone say he/she died a bitter old man/woman?

Chances are... that person had an anger problem. They learned to manipulate and control everyone around them. People only put up with this kind of abuse for so long. Eventually people begin to limit their contact with you, protect their loved ones from your arrows and desire less and less of you in their lives. 

People that have issues with anger are often like feathers in the wind. With one gust they are blown from field to field. They never stay anywhere long enough to see it through to completion. Others easily persuade them. They seek out relationship only with those who 'tell them what they want to hear.' 

As my relationship with God has grown and as I have began to step into his promises for my future, I am realizing that God doesn't say we shouldn't get angry... instead we shouldn't abuse and destroy others in that anger. 

God certainly isn't happy with choices, decisions and actions we take but he loves us enough to not destroy or obliterate us from this earth. He models self-control and love. 

Follow His example: 

Unrighteous anger or anger that causes us to act on impulse, continues and grows stronger because it’s filled with sin. 

               Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Genesis 4:6-7

Unrighteous anger lies to you and tells you that you are being attacked and to respond quickly. 

It tells you to run for the hills so that someone else can't tell you the truth. 

God has so much more to offer you in this life and often He chooses to use others to help you learn. 

        You are not loving people when you are lashing out in anger, whether it be the loud or the silent kind! 

Questions to ask:

When threatened or angry, do I close myself off in seclusion?

Do I justify my inability to engage by saying "they aren't safe, they don't understand me?" 

What is my overarching response when I am upset? 

Do I run?

Do I hide? 

Do I refuse to communicate until when and only when it is on my terms? 

You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

Colossians 3:7-8

Loving intentionally is a choice! It is your choice! No other person can force you to love. Only God can take your victim mentality and transform it into a God honoring way of living (loving). 

Everyday your life is shorter, everyday you live one less day here on earth, everyday you have one less opportunity to love someone intentionally. 

Day 6: Love is Not Self-Seeking

Are you beginning to feel the weightiness of what it means to love?
                 
                                                                                                                 I am!!!

I liked our first two days of love! I like how being patient and kind make me feel. The last three days have revealed to me what love isn't... 1 Corinthians 13, has given me some pretty huge areas in my life that I need to evaluate.
           
             When I have to evaluate who I am and how I am perceived by others I naturally want to protect myself and justify why I have behaved the way I have in the past. I want to make excuses and draw attention away from me and give just cause for my self seeking, self preservation and ungodly way I have loved. I tend to rationalize in my head why I am selfish.

I say things like.....

                         'I have to put up walls because that person has.....'
       
 'If people really saw what a liar and a cheat they are... they would do the same thing.'

                  'I know the real ..... they put on a good show, but they are full of it.'

Oh, how I justify my behavior for not loving.

Day 6 nails me to the wall. Love is not self-seeking!      

Yesterday I felt overwhelmed and annoyed by the behavior of people I am supposed to love. I was annoyed and hurt by their decisions... their responses... them!

I tried to justify my stance on why I felt the way I did...

I went upstairs to try and process why I was feeling so hurt. I shared my heart with Tim (my husband). I asked him why I always let these things get to me? His response went something like this....

'Nicole, you have to learn to accept people for who they are and realize that they are not going to change just because you want them too.'

               "But...... But...... "

No but can justify my inability to love.

                Last night I tried to process why I felt the way I felt. I began to realize that I place expectations on people for things that they never desire for their own lives. In my pursuit to see God show up in their life, I place demands that don't reflect the heart of God.

           I forget God's character and the way He loves us. He pursues but waits on us to chose His best. He draws us in but waits for our response to His voice. He never bullies or forces His hand.

Oh, how I wish that was my character. My desires for my friends and family often are void of the character of God. I am often impatient and pushy, demanding and rigid.

You see, the demands we place on people often reflect our heart and not God's.

We place expectations on people that they were never meant to fulfill. We begin to want things for people that they don't want.

              When we remove expectations from people we are free to "love" them right where they are.

Love is not about our feelings.... it is not a way to manipulate or think of clever ways of getting what we want. It stops saying 'woe is me' and begins to say 'it isn't always about me.'

Self-seeking behavior is always trying to find an angle to get one more thing, one more handout, one more 'I'm sorry you were treated that way.'

            It tells the story of you and your needs over and over and over again.

2 Corinthians 5:15 tells us, 'He died for all , that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

Selfless behavior is thinking of others.

When we are prone to being selfish (and we all are) we tend to surround ourselves with people who tell us what we want to hear and puff up our needs and desires. We constantly search for affirmation and approval in hopes of justifying our position and selfish behavior.

After all we've earned it!!!
                                          We deserve it!
We...we... we!!!

How do we begin to take on the character of God?
           
 GOD IS LOVE!!!

He shows us the way....
                                   
                               He wasn't afraid to wash others feet.
                                                             
   He wasn't selfish.
                       
                              He didn't manipulate others to get the desired result that he wanted.

He made himself nothing.... and submitted even to the point of death.

He showed us the way... He didn't do what others wanted just to please them... He didn't love only when others told him what he wanted to hear.

He loved even when he it was uncomfortable.

He was not liked.....
                           He was not liked because of the way he loved.

He loved without limits, without social boundaries, without expectations. He went beyond his will and sought the will of his father. He touched the leper, let the tears of the prostitute touch his feet, he stayed in the home of the tax collector. He sought after the heart of his father to the point of loving others to death.

Are you willing to remove expectations from others?
     
          Are you willing to give up your comfort in order to offer a better life for someone else.

Are you willing to serve 'the least of these?'

          Are you willing to not have 'everything' so that someone else will see Jesus in you.

Challenge: How could you love differently?
Is there someone that you have placed expectations on? Is there someone you feel disappointed in because they didn't meet a need that you had?
Today I encourage you to release your desires to the will of God. Since God is love... love the way he loved. Free that person from your expectations and begin to patiently wait for God to continually make His face known to them.
Say their name out loud. Write it on your bathroom mirror. Let their name serve as a reminder of God's grace in your life. Begin to model love that doesn't seek the best for self but instead models God's best for others.

Listen to For King and Country sing this song.....
http://youtu.be/pr9YVD05x8M