Anger altogether isn't a bad or a negative thing. Anger that tears down and fails to build up is destructive and we need to rid it from our lives.
Questions to ask:
At one time or another we have all been witness to anger. Whether that anger was unleashed from a parent, spouse, friend or acquaintance, it sticks with you. Anger leaves a lasting impression.
Anger yells, 'I'm right and you're wrong!'
It tears down, humiliates and strikes fear in those who witness it.
Some families can set their clocks by when, why and where anger will be released.
People learn to tip toe around certain subjects and dance around topics that evoke anger in a person.
Anger is the easiest tool a person has to control others actions with.
"Love is Not Easily Angered"
Today I wish to discuss silent anger. We all know what it looks like to be loud and obnoxious in our anger but do we know that there is another type that flies under the radar, yet is just as destructive.
In the early years of my marriage I would not have thought myself to be an angry person, however looking back I can see that albeit I didn't scream and throw stuff my anger was one of the worst kinds.
Tim and I would engage in conversation that was 'touchy' and if I didn't agree or like it, I wouldn't stay around very long. I would hold up in my room, take a day to punish Tim by not communicating with him.
I would justify my behavior with self-talk that said,
'At least you are walking away,'
'You didn't scream at him and tell him what you really thought about the subject.'
I thought it was 'healthy' to run and hide when I was sad, angry, hurt or simply didn't get my way.
I learned to punish Tim. I wanted him to 'show' me that he was wrong and I was right.
Although I thought my actions were justifiable they were just as abusive if not worse. I was lashing out in my own way.
My actions conveyed a lack of concern, care or respect for those that I loved.
I showed them that they better say the right things and treat me a certain way or I would run, hide and make them pay for treating me poorly.
I conveyed a lack of concern for others feelings because 'my feeling' were far more important.
I played the role of wounded sheep really well.
I knew how to stop a conversation by simply refusing to engage. My refusal displayed unbridled, uncontrolled anger.
I had an anger problem.
Previously I said that this is possibly the worst kind of anger because loud aggressive anger is easy to identify.
Just the opposite for the silent anger that kills and destroys relationship. Silent destructive anger speaks volumes to your character. It speaks volumes to your relationship with Christ.
Your anger says, "don't piss me off or you will be punished."
We are not to be touchy, easily provoked, resentful or overly sensitive with our feelings.
We are to be slow to respond and quick to forgive. More times then not we are quick to respond and terribly slow to forgive.
Over the years I have learned that my behavior affects other people. Being quick to 'cut and run' showed others that I was in control.
"I'll show you!! I'll refuse to engage."
When we are easily provoked we show a lack of self-control and a lack of trust in God.
Anger, be it silent or loud, plants seeds of bitterness and spitefulness.
Anger is born from our doubts, fears and even our unmet expectations.
Anger is destructive because it keeps us constantly in the same place in life. Anger destroys God's work in and through us in the present and future by holding us hostage to our past.
Anger takes a teachable moment and transforms it into a weapon that kills others slowly. It makes them pay and suffer.
Anger takes a God moment and transforms it into a 'me' moment! It closes off communication from the people God intended you to learn from.
Have you ever heard someone say he/she died a bitter old man/woman?
Chances are... that person had an anger problem. They learned to manipulate and control everyone around them. People only put up with this kind of abuse for so long. Eventually people begin to limit their contact with you, protect their loved ones from your arrows and desire less and less of you in their lives.
People that have issues with anger are often like feathers in the wind. With one gust they are blown from field to field. They never stay anywhere long enough to see it through to completion. Others easily persuade them. They seek out relationship only with those who 'tell them what they want to hear.'
As my relationship with God has grown and as I have began to step into his promises for my future, I am realizing that God doesn't say we shouldn't get angry... instead we shouldn't abuse and destroy others in that anger.
God certainly isn't happy with choices, decisions and actions we take but he loves us enough to not destroy or obliterate us from this earth. He models self-control and love.
Follow His example:
Unrighteous anger or anger that causes us to act on impulse, continues and grows stronger because it’s filled with sin.
Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Genesis 4:6-7
Unrighteous anger lies to you and tells you that you are being attacked and to respond quickly.
It tells you to run for the hills so that someone else can't tell you the truth.
God has so much more to offer you in this life and often He chooses to use others to help you learn.
You are not loving people when you are lashing out in anger, whether it be the loud or the silent kind!
Questions to ask:
When threatened or angry, do I close myself off in seclusion?
Do I justify my inability to engage by saying "they aren't safe, they don't understand me?"
What is my overarching response when I am upset?
Do I run?
Do I hide?
Do I refuse to communicate until when and only when it is on my terms?
You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Loving intentionally is a choice! It is your choice! No other person can force you to love. Only God can take your victim mentality and transform it into a God honoring way of living (loving).
Everyday your life is shorter, everyday you live one less day here on earth, everyday you have one less opportunity to love someone intentionally.