Will you say "yes?" Big or small, it matters!

If there is one thing I have learned over the years, it is that when you obey God you will often be asked to give up a ton. Over the course of my husband getting through medical school and residency I have been brought to what I have thought was my total breaking point. I have felt like I couldn't give up anymore or sacrifice another minute...

During medical school we were forced to walk away from our home because in order to stay in it meant Tim would have to quit. There were lonely times when I thought quitting may be a viable option but God always carried us beyond the point where we didn't think we could take anymore.

We came to the point where medical school was behind us and I foolishly thought life would be 'easier.'

Ha ha... Twenty-seven weeks pregnant with baby number five we moved 2,400 miles across the country to begin residency. I would love to say it was 'easy,' but friends I felt incredibly lonely, isolated and broke. We were far away from everyone and everything we knew and my husband was working what seemed to be non-stop. We didn't see him much, we could barely pay for necessities and I was emotionally and mentally exhausted.

So many Christmas's had come and gone without us being able to purchase a single gift for our kids. During our second year of residency the bill collectors were waiting no longer and began to sue us for every extra cent we had. About ten days before Christmas, Tim had a day off from work and I was so excited to share with him that we could drive to pick up each of the kids something small. I managed to shove away $200 over the months. We went on a date to purchase our kiddos something to put under the tree.

As we sat in the clothing store parking lot, my phone rang. As soon as I answered, I immediately wished I hadn't. "Mrs. Howes, you must make a $195 payment on your outstanding debt immediately or we will file paperwork with the court in the morning" said the man on the other end.

My heart dropped. I knew he was serious because we had so many creditors take us to court and we couldn't afford another one. So with tears in my eyes I read the numbers from my debit card. My husband clutched my leg as we sat in the cold and knew all of our money was once again gone.

I hung up the phone and cried. We processed the pain and decided we would talk with the kids when they arrived home after school. I felt like we'd had this same conversation so many times with them and dreaded saying those words, "I'm so sorry, but we can't afford..." I dreaded it so badly that I decided to not do it again.

When they came in the door, I sat all of them down and shared what happened. I also asked them to look around. I asked them to look in our fridge and to look at each other.... We were no longer prisoners to the words "We can't afford..." and all of us felt incredibly blessed that our rent was paid, we had power, heat and food. We realized how blessed we were. Just when I thought I couldn't give up anymore to say 'yes' to God he calmed my heart and filled me with joy.

Our kids said "It's okay mom. It really is." Somehow they understood the big picture. They understood and accepted that they wouldn't open any gifts on Christmas morning. They comforted me and with their hugs reminded me that we were on this journey together.

Seeing how understanding and unselfish they had been for so many years broke me. Later that evening I went to my room and just cried. I cried an ugly cry. I cried that kind of cry that no one should ever see...

The next day I received a phone call from a friend I had met at a conference I attended the previous summer. She said, "Nicole, I'm working on something for your family. I want to make sure you have gifts this year and the Lord has asked me to respond" (She didn't know any of the events that had just taken place). Her husband had been out of work for quite some time but she was willing to say 'yes' when God stirred her heart. This dear friend sent out an email to all her friends and the response was overwhelming. She told me she didn't know exactly what the Lord was up to but told me to hold on for something awesome.

Over the next couple of days bit by bit she began to tell me some of what her friends were doing. People, normal everyday people were saying yes to God and reminding us that he hadn't forgotten about our family. God had stirred the hearts of so many and my friend called and said "Nicole, one of my friends wants to bless your family with a night in a hotel on Christmas Eve." Tim actually had Christmas day off this year and to experience this blew us away!

Family photo at the hotel 

I was given a dollar amount for reserving the room and thought I'd ask about a military discount. The hotel reservation line informed me that with the military discount we could stay not one but two nights for the same price. WHAT!?!?!?!

A few days later, early in the morning, I received a text from a number I didn't recognize. The message read, "Hello Nicole. This is your Christmas elf. I want to get your kids Christmas wish list. Tell me a little about each of them and something they really want." I sat up in my bed and woke Tim up. I cried and couldn't believe what I was reading.

As I cried I heard the Lord speak to my heart, "Thank you for saying 'yes' so many years ago. Thank you for giving up your comfort and security to pursue my best. Thank you for being obedient. I haven't forgotten about you for a single minute. I'm carrying you. I'm taking care of my kids."

We were completely overwhelmed as parents. We were overwhelmed by the love and obedience of others.

We told our kids about the hotel and they were on cloud nine. We decided not to share anything about gifts because we weren't sure of the details and wanted it to be a surprise.

The day before we were scheduled to leave I realized that we had $4 in our bank account, an empty gas tank and the hotel was 80 miles away. I didn't tell anyone but I was scared. Again, I cried... "Lord, I don't want to tell the kids we can't go. Help."

That evening my mom received a message that read, "Merry Christmas! Go check your mailbox!" My mom immediately went outside and came in crying. Inside the envelope was $80 and a $25 Walmart gift card. Again the Lord provided!!! Through the obedience of yet another person we had gas money to make the trip.

On the morning of Christmas Eve we loaded up our kids and headed for an unexpected Christmas adventure.

Joy!!!

We pulled into the hotel and were greeted by my dear friend and her grown daughters. They escorted us to our room where my kids were completely blown away. Our room was set up like a winter wonderland. Presents were arranged all around. There were food baskets all around and the refrigerator was stocked. The care and love that went into this adventure was amazing. The amazing family that paid for our hotel also included meals at any restaurant in the hotel.

Totally shocked by their gifts

New bike he wanted for so long

Christmas morning was beyond anything we could've provided. One by one our kids opened their gifts and were all in tears. Not only did our kids receive some of the most amazing gifts but the person who purchased everything also thought of us. Tim and I were given so many restaurant gift cards to make sure the health of our marriage was a priority.

I tell you this story because I have seen God show up in some of the most hopeless situations. I have seen God use the obedience of others to encourage our hearts. I have seen God provide when there seemed to be no possible way.

Often we think what we have to offer someone else can't compare with what the next person can offer.

Let me tell you friend.... You aren't called to be someone else. You are called to be obedient to God and what He asks you to do.

The person who gave the $80 and gift card thought it was nothing. They thought it wouldn't make a dent on our Christmas... We wouldn't have been able to leave our house without them saying 'yes' to Gods stirring of their hearts. They didn't know any of the story that was playing out, yet they responded.

Modeling her new outfit she received.
She may try and fit into those boots until she's 20. 

My friend didn't have a lot of money and her husband was unemployed, but she had an obedient heart. God asked her to take a step of faith and get the ball rolling. She had no clue that God would use her obedience to encourage and speak to this mommas heart. She had no idea how desperate we felt. The people who gave didn't know that they were investing in a family that said 'yes' to God so many years before and felt like they were holding on by a thread.... BUT GOD DID!!!

It is never your job to solve someone else's problems or provide for them financially but you will be greatly rewarded for your obedience. If God speaks to your heart and it is within your power to respond... Respond! No matter how big or how small... Be obedient!

Opening his gift (gift card for a basket ball hoop)

Perhaps God is asking you to write a text, send a card or pick up the phone. Maybe it's to bake cookies, take a meal or buy 'that' family some gifts. If God stirs your heart, respond.

The friendships our family has gained as a result of this magical Christmas are eternal. The gifts were amazing but the love, thought and continued support is sustaining. We have learned over the years that people need people.

People need people because God uses His people to encourage, buildup and love others.




Will you allow Him to use you today? Will you say 'yes' to God and trust that He is already working out the details.

Saying 'yes' to God (entering medical school) was terrifying... But the relationships built, generosity of others and love of God has revealed something so incredibly valuable.

God delights in the sacrifice of His kids.

He delights in you!

God wants to use your obedience in the life of someone else today.

You are a valuable part of someone else's story. Allow God to write something beautiful......

Why there isn't 'THE ONE' out there for you

It was a packed crowd of teenagers all listening to speakers talking on the subject of pre-marital sex. The speakers pounded and beat into our heads over and over that "God had one person and one person only" for us. I remember feeling hopeful and excited at the idea of one guy being hand crafted for me. You see, I grew up in a home where my mom was married four times and none of her husbands excelled in the integrity department.


I wanted to buy into the idea of the fairy tale.


You know... The same kind of happily ever after we see Disney create. I wanted to be the girl who was rescued by her knight and shining armor. I wanted 'the one' to swoop in and rescue me from all of my insecurities, worries and help solve all of life's woes. After all, everyone has a 'soul mate,' right?

We all want that someone who will kiss us like they mean it and hold us close each and every day.

At this same conference I heard that I should abstain from sexual relations because my soul mate, you know the one God 'preordained' for me to marry would miss out on the biggest gift if I gave it to someone else.

Eighteen years later I can appreciate what the speakers were trying to convey, but I don't agree that there is one person 'predestined,' 'handpicked,' 'God-ordained,' or meant to be my 'soul mate.'

Having premarital sex has nothing to do with our future spouse and everything to do with us... but that's an entirely different topic.

Truth is, the Bible speaks very little about who we will marry and the idea of having a soul mate is so out in left field that it takes less than a year of marriage to get a hard dose of reality.

Those things you thought were cute begin to drive you crazy. The 'perfect' someone who finishes your sentences is annoying and every time they do it, you secretly want to punch them in the face.

The person who knows what you are thinking before you've said it out loud is probably using your diary as bathroom reading material.

Let's not leave out the beautiful idea of the perfect spouse who just knows how to make us happy....

Bull-honky!!!

I have been married for over fifteen years. Can I tell you that I cannot imagine my life without my husband. I miss him everyday we are apart and I long to hear how his day went. We laugh, cry, dream and plan together. He is my best friend and he makes my days better. But if I'm being totally honest... he makes my days a lot harder too. We disagree on parenting issues, finances, schedules... you name it we've disagreed about it.

As a society we've bought into this idea that we 'don't choose who we love' it just happens.

We've bought into Hollywood's fairy tale and not God's. We blame Satan for everything that doesn't go right in our relationships and forget that little gift God gave us... Free will.

Having a spouse, even the one you've dreamt about all of your life will disappoint you, hurt you, be insensitive and totally annoy the crap out of you. The perfect one doesn't exist for each of us because we all blow it, we all screw up and we all miss the mark.

I dated my husband throughout high school and he proposed to me before our senior year. A big part of me was looking at him as my rescuer. I really thought he was so different than every man I'd ever encountered and I was excited to begin a life with the 'perfect guy.'

I put him on a pedestal until I realized this ruggedly handsome, lover of Jesus, struggled with pornography. He wasn't a horrible man but I sure wanted to make him feel that way.

In those dark days I had to choose to love him. It wasn't natural and it didn't just happen. I asked questions like, 'Did I marry the wrong man?' "Was my judgment totally off?' 'What's wrong with me.'


'God wouldn't really want me to stay with this man, right?'

The topic of finding 'the one' isn't limited to the young, it is an idea that people who have gone through multiple relationships and divorces long for as well. They want the fairy tale!

The fairy tale exists when...  Truth is... it doesn't exist. Fairy tale's are fantasy and in Disney movies they ride into the sunset and the story ends. We want more..... We need more.....

Imagine if God created one person for you. Say that one person was a 'sinner' and made bad choices. (Oh wait, that's all of us) Choices that resulted in knocking up a girl in high school or choices that made her marry 'the bad boy.'

What if Tina and Rob got married when Tina was supposed to marry Henry and Henry now 'had' to marry Lauren who was actually 'predestined' to marry John and now John is destined to be alone for the rest of his life.
Now all of these mutant marriages have been entered into and little spawns have been created that were never 'supposed' to be roaming this planet.

Tina and Rob single handedly ruined God's design. Wait... I should stop writing now. Maybe this actually does explain why the divorce rate in our country is so high. Tina and Rob blew it!!!!! Now we are all suffering. Duh! How come this wasn't clear before?!?!

It wasn't clear because it is a total lie that we've swallowed hook, line and sinker.

This type of theology has so many holes, yet we preach it, teach it and use it to make ourselves feel good.

There isn't one person in the sense that if you happen to choose the wrong college, fail to accept the right job and let's not mention if you come down with the flu and can't make that one event that would have made all the stars align and the sparks fly.

No!

I recently had a single friend ask me why God isn't giving her the desires of her heart. Can you imagine if God gave us what we asked for in the manner in which we thought it should be given. She longs to be married so badly, but she is desperately trying to find a husband and doing very little to make sure she will be the right bride.

A partner will never satisfy our deep need to be loved. The reason they will never satisfy that need is because they will fail. Your 'soul mate' will miss the mark. If you are counting on finding 'the one' you will forever be searching. The fairy tale will come screeching to a halt at some point. You will be faced with daily forgiving an imperfect person. You will be forced to lay down your pride several times a day. You will be asked to stand by his or her side when they are too weak to stand alone and the hurt they've caused feels unbearable.

There is no perfect person. The perfect person that God has in mind for you is the one you choose. Now don't mistake what I'm saying for ignorance. Don't be ignorant or dumb in your decision making process. If you choose a partner then choose them for life. Evaluate who they are before you say 'I do.' If there are huge red flags prior to marriage, get ready because those red flags are going to be glaringly bright once you're married.


God can and will bless a marriage! The way we see this play out is through humility, respect and by being a genuine lover of our spouse. God gives us the ability to choose whether we will forgive, respect and love our spouse. He leaves that totally up to us. We get to put action to what God has planned for our life. Investing in your marriage leads to greater intimacy and a richer and deeper love.

God never forces us to love him and He certainly won't force us to love another person. But if we daily choose to invest in our marriage, the rewards are plenty and gift is priceless. 

You didn't marry your spouse because you loved 100% of everything about them. You didn't marry them because they fulfilled all your needs. You married that person because you saw potential, hope and a future with them.

People who finish other people's sentences have made it a habit to study their partner. They know the things they like and dislike because they listen. They buy, say and do the right things because they have bought, said and done the wrong things one hundred times before they got it right.

A couple who still loves to be around each other after so many years are people who want to see their spouse smile. They do and say little things that make them feel special.

When we see a couple that is madly in love 10, 15, even 60 years later... it isn't because they got lucky or because they found the right person. They've learned how to be the right person by offering grace, forgiveness and they work everyday to capture their spouses heart.

Plan together, dream about the future together. Make root beer floats and sit in your front yard just because you can... not because it's convenient but because you can.




If God would've given me my hearts desire I would've never experienced the excitement that I now share with my husband. I'd still be longing and searching for 'Mr. Right.'

We all have read Jeremiah 29:11 and said, "Yes!" He has it all figured out for me.
He does know the plans he has for you and he wants to give you a hope and a future but that doesn't relinquish your role in the journey.

Come on friends! Marriage is SO MUCH MORE than just finding the 'right one.' It is about daily working on ourselves. Daily taking steps toward being better, thinking healthier and loving differently.

If you struggle with relationships and communication before you get married... You are already in trouble and will struggle after.

If you're divorced and desire to be married again... take a honest look at the reasons, causes and issues why your marriage failed. You must do it even if it's painful.  You have to recognize your part in the divorce and begin to have truth spoken into those areas of your life. This is how growth will happen and God can bring healing in incredible ways when you get honest. You will repeat the same patterns and bring awful baggage into future relationships if you don't address these things.

Be the spouse you want before and after marriage.

Finding 'the one' simply means you are willing to 'Be the one!' 


"The one" is the person you walk down the aisle and say 'I do' too. They are 'the one' worth forgiving, fighting for, and investing in.

Allow God to rebuild, revamp and shake up your marriage.

If you haven't said "I do" yet... Make sure it is 'the one' you want to fight for, forgive and invest in for the rest of your life.

We are busy people in an unintentional world.

We are busy people.

Busy at work, busy at school, busy doing 'God's work.' Ministry, sports, jobs, extra curricular activities, oh, I could list and list and list. But I will spare you the list of things we are busy doing.
We are busy being busy. We are busy being important.

Creating time and space for family won't happen organically, it is created. In our busy lives it is genetically modified and unnaturally engineered if you will.

It's created! Be so intentional about this time that you even write it in your day planner and send yourself reminders. Creating space for the important things won't 'just happen.'

I'm about to get all up in someones junk, but I am willing to do it at the risk of families being fuller, richer and healthier. So here goes.......

*Carve out time for one meal a day together. Whatever the obstacle in the way... FIGURE IT OUT.

Time, previous table interactions, sports, school, work, you name it we use it to make excuses for not eating together.
If it's your spouses meal time reactions, talk with him/her alone. Communicate the value you see in meal time together. If your spouse tends to use the time around the table as an opportunity to belittle, bash or condemn those gathered, you can't run from it... Talk in private.
In love, express your heart and apprehension for not enjoying meal time together. If they get pissed... DON'T GIVE UP!!! Revisit the topic when they cool down. Don't blame, condemn or insult. Lovingly remind them you are on the same team and want to do this with them.
 Guess what?!?! Old habits die hard. If your spouse is used to being 'Grumpy Guss' at the table, it is just as much an opportunity for you to grow in your communication skills and support of your spouse.
If you are 'Grumpy Guss' reading this... pull your head out of the clouds and realize your family needs you. Your constant badgering about manners, rules, 'sit up straight,' 'Don't chomp,' 'chew with your mouth closed,' Why did you do that?!?!' 'Why did you do that?!?!' Can be met with love, compassion and wisdom from someone seeing your behavior. Don't worry about being so defensive and just listen. Tell your family you are sorry and ask for a second chance. Tell them you won't be perfect but you are willing to change and try for them. If you make it a priority they will too.

Jesus showed us the value of breaking bread together. Serious conversation took place at the Last Supper. People were called out. Ouch!!! But it didn't happen every time. Emotional intimacy on the deepest level also took place around a meal like setting.  Look at when Jesus turned the loaf of bread and fish into enough to feed 5,000 people in Matthew 15. What a celebration. Time after time, Jesus modeled the importance of coming together for a meal. It creates community, invites open communication and says, "This is our time and no one else's."

If it's your schedule... it's time to get real honest with what's important. If you need help with this I would love to help. We have been in a season of medical school and now residency for quite some time and my husbands schedule is ALL OVER THE PLACE. He often works 300+ hours/month but meal time happens! If it's important, you'll make the time. If you need ideas, input, whatever, I can help! If I don't have the answer I will ask people and help you come up with a solid plan.

*Carve out time for play and laughter. Games, family movie night, take walks together. I have a friend that is intentional about Friday pizza night, every week. She hand makes pizzas with her kids and hubby and uses it as an opportunity to teach, play, listen, and opens up opportunity for laughter to fill their home.

Don't mistake this as time training at sporting events, practices and recitals. Chances are if you have more than one kid your other kids don't totally LOVE hanging out ALL OF THE TIME supporting their sibling. Hear me on this. I think it is so important to instill in our kids the value of building into other peoples passions. We must be careful though. Often there is a 'Star' in the family that unintentionally overshadows everyone else's time and space. We want to build into our kids but don't step on other family members to get there. You will create resentment and hurt that will some day surface. It is okay to not ALWAYS be present at every activity or event.

You may need a time out right about now because you are about to delete me, punch me in the face and say "How dare you!" I'm just asking you to evaluate. Privately ask your family members how they feel and really listen. Approach God before you approach them. Ask Him to soften your heart and to receive whatever they have to say.






*Carve out time to listen... plan on NOT speaking and just listening.
This is usually the time you hear the 'real' needs and burdens your family is carrying. This is a time to listen and hear what things you need to be talking to God about. This isn't an opportunity to not solve things rather a time to investigate, collect information and take your case before God.





*Carve out time to have difficult conversations. Dating your spouse and your kids creates the perfect opportunity for this. Your kids and even your spouse (but that is an entirely different subject) want to know you are totally invested in them. Sometimes as parents we trick ourselves into believing if we take them here and run them there or provide for them, their emotional needs are being met... Wrong!!!

Oh, and by the way they may even act totally bored and uninterested in dates with mom or dad but secretly in the depths of their heart they are screaming "Finally!!"
Keep it up. Your labor will produce a beautiful harvest.

*Carve out time for all members of the family to be equal contributors in the home. Chores are good! Again I say, CHORES ARE GOOD!!! Your child will learn life skills at home, with you, by watching you and by you intentionally teaching and directing them.

You are not a mean parent, in fact you are doing them and yourself a HUGE disservice by only being Mrs. or Mr. Fun Bags but not expecting full involvement from EVERY eating, drinking, sleeping, mess making, trash throwing, laundry wearing,  phone and cable using, diaper wearing member of your household.
(Oh yes, even that little toddler can contribute)

Disclaimer: No children were ever harmed in the participation or involvement in being an active, self-sufficient, partner in this family. 

*Carve out time to invest in your families relational portfolio.


When a person wants to save for retirement they don't just start the day they retire. They start by taking steps years, sometimes decades in advance.

If you don't approach your relationships with the future in mind, you will be devastated to find out you put all of your time and energy into the wrong investments.



*Be spontaneous. Surprise the family late at night with a ice cream run. Do the unexpected to capture your families attention. Often this is as simple as an attitude adjustment towards a certain activity, topic or event. Meet your kids where they are, not where you want them to be.

Carve out time now or little by little time will carve out chunks from your relationships.

Don't read this and think that I know how to do this perfectly, because I don't. My family still has melt downs, explosions, fights, fits and freak-outs, but when the basics are in order it creates a solid foundation to respond to the messes we face. It gives credit to our words when discipline needs to happen and trust me it happens... a lot! When we play, laugh, work, love and do life as a unit rather than individuals our house doesn't easily crumble. These are ideas that promote open communication and freedom to be an invested member of a God honoring team.

Be blessed friends! Be intentional and be ready to shake up some things so that when the big life shaking events happen your house doesn't crumble.

Remember, God is for you. He wants to give you a hope and a future! And it starts today.

Totally dumb saying but totally true... "Sharing is caring." If you can benefit from anything you read, chances are someone else will too. 

Email me, comment and ask questions... We need one another.  

"Where do you want to go for dinner?"

Woo Hoo!!! It's date night.







The kids are hanging out with grandma, who happens to be way cooler than we are.














The night is all ours to do with it as we please.  Dinner and a movie are on tap. We take some cheesy pictures before heading out. We are both eager for some time to reconnect and talk. I love hanging out with my husband and I love knowing he feels the same.

My husband looks super hot as we head out for the evening. With a cute grin on his face, he races ahead of me to open the car door. We are going to have a great night....

That is until--- he asks the dreaded question. The question that can quickly turn a good night into a bad one in two seconds flat. Rubbing my arm and smiling he asks, "Where do you want to go to eat?"

Don't even pretend like you don't know how I'm about to answer this question.  I sweetly reply, "I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

Now lets be honest. I am not asking a real question. "Where do you want to go?" is more of an opportunity. It's an opportunity for my husband to pull out his psychic hat and show me his crazy powers of mind reading. I phrase the question nicely but what I'm really saying is, "You better get this right. If you know what's good for you you'll pick the exact place 'I' want to go."

Now this isn't my husbands first rodeo. He has danced this dance and knows all of the right moves.  I like to tell myself that I'm not difficult and I really 'don't care' where we go but we all know that would be a total lie. So for the next half hour we drive around, parking in random parking lots as my husband tries to gingerly undo this time bomb I just ignited.

He softly says, "Babe, I really don't care where we go, I just want to spend time with you. I want you to be happy."

"Oh really! Now it's all about me." KABOOM!!!!!!

The bomb has gone off. With shrapnel still flying through the air, my husband (in a not so nice tone) replies,"Oh my goodness! I really don't care where we go and eat but you obviously do, so just pick a place."

I have two options here...

I can pick the shrapnel out of his wounds or I can leave him there to bleed out. So I take the high road (ya right) and say (in a very snarky voice), "Fine lets just go to Olive Garden."

"Fine, lets go!" he replies.

Oh lovely. Dinner is going to be a blast, right? Don't sit there reading and pretend this has never happened to you. You get in an argument before you even arrive at your destination and now you have to walk in, smile at the hostess and pretend like you weren't a complete nightmare in the car.

After wasting the first half hour of dinner starring at the menu, twirling my water glass and avoiding eye contact, one of us decides to take the plunge. At this point we both feel really dumb. We both overreacted, when all we both wanted was to hang out and have a little 'us' time. We both say sorry and begin to enjoy our dinner together.

Now if only I could rewind the entire evening and start again. The truth is this isn't the first time we have been down the "Where do you want to go to eat" road.

I have heard numerous friends of mine tell similar stories about 'date night' but somehow we still long to connect, be alone and spend quality time together.

Relationships are complicated. They take a whole lot of work and a whole lot more "I'm sorries" than one ever thought possible.

We learn how to manipulate, manage and maintain a certain level of 'normalcy' within that relationship.

But if I'm being completely honest I never want my marriage to be defined by manipulation, management or maintaining normalcy.

I want to learn to navigate sticky, messy, really difficult situations better and better as the years go on. Instead of manipulating my way through the years, I want grow and change. I don't want to manage my home, my life or my marriage in a way that leaves my spouse walking on egg shells and eventually drowns out their voice. Nor do I want to ever 'maintain' my marriage so that both of us know 'what not to say' in order to keep the peace.

There is so much more that God has for us.

Marriage is an incredible gift. It's a gift that many unwrap, play with for a while, cherish while it's working perfectly but once it starts acting up a fateful decision is made. Every person that accepted this gift is faced with the decision of whether to keep it or throw it away. One must determine if the gift still has enough value to hold onto. Will the gift be discarded, put on a shelf (keeping it but no longer using the gift as it was intended) or figuring out what's broken and fixing it?

My point in all of this is to say, the gift is worth fixing. Whether the fix requires a complete overhaul or something as simple as a new battery... you get to decide.

You see the giver of the gift won't force you to keep what He has given you but if you decide it's worth holding onto-- He will honor that decision and pay the entire bill for any repairs needed.

He will help you see what areas need retooling and what areas need total humility and honesty.
He will give you the strength to stand up under the scariest of situations or the ones as petty as picking where you will eat dinner. You will get to decide. Ask Him for help. Don't give up, don't give in and don't buy into the lie that it will be easier to......(fill in your own solution).

We all need Gods help in EVERY area and in EVERY aspect of our marriage. You may have to be honest with your own manipulation and attitude. Your words can't be undone but they can be forgiven. Say you're sorry.

Pray this in the midst of your little messes and even the huge explosions.

"Father, show me how to love my spouse in this moment. Soften my heart and open my eyes. Give me courage to say 'I'm sorry' and help me to forgive _______ (insert spouses name) in the same way you've forgiven me. I need you Lord! Intervene on our behalf. --Amen"

He is for you!! He is for your marriage. He is able and willing...



~Nicole

Be silly and goofy together. Laughter is healing and it adds life and energy to your hectic day. 

Why I don't enjoy being called a "Christian"

When pervasive Christian thought is filtered by the media and radical agenda pushes into mainstream ideals, the world tends to lump all people together. The voices of the most obnoxious get the best ratings and tend to penetrate the public view of who and what certain people believe in. We have a very distorted view of what Christ followers (some call them Christians) believe on the topic of homosexuality.

As I sat in my local coffee shop working on homework I looked up and noticed a group of men waiting on their coffees. One of them pointed to the back of my computer and they all began to chuckle. The laughs turned to whispers and before I knew it they were making gestures that left me saying, "What the heck!"

I closed my computer, thinking I must have something funny stuck to the back of it for them to be behaving the way they were. Quickly, I realized that there was in fact something stuck to my computer...

"Oh no!!" I thought to myself. They think that I'm one of them. They think I'm a 'Christian.' 

The young man looked straight into my eyes, pulled his partner close and planted a kiss right on his lips. With his eyes still focused on mine I tried to look away and break eye contact. They all giggled at my apparent 'uncomfortableness.' 

The things is... I wasn't uncomfortable because of their public display of affection. I was uncomfortable that they clearly believed that by me having a sticker on my computer that read, "I am the apple of God's eye" that it most certainly meant I thought that I was above them. I was uncomfortable to be called a Christian in that moment. 

You see I'm not a Christian. Over half of our country uses that term and it is very unimpressive to me. 

I'm not a Christian... I'm a Christ follower. 

I follow Christ. I follow the living God. The God that came to this earth for the prostitute, leper, tax collector, lame, weak, dumb and blind.... The same God that came to earth and died for me also came to earth and died for homosexuals. 

These men thought I was one of those Christians. One of those Christians that make no attempt to look or act like Christ. 

I am the 'apple of God's eye' because he loves me, period. I didn't have to get all cleaned up to approach his throne. When I approached His throne dirty and full of sin and shame is when I realized that I wanted to be different. I wanted to begin to remove all of the things from my life that separated me from Him. 

If I could talk with those men (or any homosexual) here is what I'd say:

1) I'm not a Christian, I'm a Christ follower. There is a big difference. I believe that Christ died for you and for me. 

2) "I'm sorry!" I'm sorry that the Christian agenda has left you feeling unwanted, weird, like a freak, or an outsider. Your homosexuality doesn't make me uncomfortable. What does make me uncomfortable is my counterparts use of the Bible. I'm very clear on what the Bible says about 'homosexuality' and I'm also very clear on what it says about divorce, lying, stealing, cheating, pornography, premarital sex, gluttony, idolatry, gossip and slander.... "I'm sorry!" 

3) I do believe that marriage is between one man and one woman. I do believe that homosexuality is a sin. I do believe that 'marriage' is a gift from God and that Satan has tried to skew and pervert it in many ways from the beginning of time. I believe in protecting the sanctity of marriage by personally investing in my own. By being an example to those I encounter, instead of another stumbling block. 

4) I'm not intimidated by your desire for equality. I get it... I really do. 

5) I would invite you to sit next to me in church. You are no different than the couple that sits in front of me with two kids, living together and unmarried. You are no different from the man sitting two rows over who tucks his family into bed at night and heads to the dark corners of his home to view pornography. You are no different than the couple that sits six rows down from me that just signed divorce papers and are headed after church to tell their kids the devastating news. You are no different than most people who sit in church every Sunday. You have been made the object of Christian attention when our aim shouldn't be on you... It should be on ourselves. 

6) You have a choice just like I do. Your choice to serve God or not, is uniquely your own. Christians focus and drive to rid the world of 'ungodliness' has come across as an attack on your character. Christians have chosen to make an object out of your behavior because in some weird way it makes them feel more 'Christian-like.' Your decision to engage in a homosexual relationship separates you from God... just like my decision to gossip yesterday about my 'friend' did. You have to repent and so do I. It's a personal decision. God won't force himself on you and neither should Christians. 

7) 'Christians' in general DO NOT speak on behalf of God. You have to be incredibly BOLD to say you speak the words of God himself. We cannot take our loose translation of the Bible and broadly apply it in ways it was never meant to be applied. The Bible I read speaks far more about loving people then it does about any other thing. I read of a God who reached down and picked up a woman caught in the act of a 'sexual sin' and rebuked those there waiting to stone her to death (the religious folk). 

8) I have worked with, had relatives and friends that are gay and they are not freaks. In fact, they have been some of the first people to give me a hug on a terrible day at work. Some of the first people to remind me how special they think I am. They are caring, compassionate, loving and accepting of all people. You are not freaks. Christ-followers really do like you. We really do want you to see Christ in us and not some hidden agenda. We just haven't handled ourselves in a Godly fashion. 

So the next time you see my computer don't assume you know me or what I stand for. Don't assume that your behavior is appalling to me or that I am judging you. I recognize your need for Christ in the same way I recognize my own need. I need Jesus everyday just the same way I know you do. 

When you see me and want to 'gross me out' or 'shock me,' remember I'm no different than you. You don't like being lumped together with all the radical 'gay' people so don't lump me together with all of the 'Christians' you read about or see on T.V. Give me a chance as an individual. Don't judge my intentions because of the actions of others. 

To my fellow Christ-followers... Let's not pick and choose which one of the sins we want to shine a light on. Let's shine a light on sin... period. Let's strengthen marriage from within and be more focused on our judgmental, condemning spirit and a little less on the fact that Tom is kissing Jim in Starbucks. 

Sin is sin! Period.  We use these very bold signs to throw back and forth at each other. Almost to say we are from two very different worlds. When in fact we are not. We are all people in need of a savior and Satan is incredibly clever at making sure we never find any sort of common ground to establish relationship. 

You can have both.

As Christ followers we can begin to see people, not gay or straight, just people. 

The gay community needs to realize that not all Christians are Christ-followers.

Stop believing the lie so rooted in fear that "terrible things are happening in our country because of our removal of God from school and government."

Last I knew God doesn't live in establishment, He lives in people. Start being those people. 

~Nicole  

Inconvenient encounters

My mission for the afternoon was to get homework done in my Theology class. I have been so far behind and struggling to get caught up. 

As I sat outside of Starbucks reading my text, a cop strolled over with a woman in her 40's and told her to "sit down and wait." 

I tried to mind my own business. I tried not to be distracted by someone else's problem. I tried to focus on me and what I needed to accomplish. 

But God kept telling me to look up and notice her tears. To see past my agenda and notice the pain and hurt she  was facing. 

I put my book down and walked over to the woman. Her eyes were filled with tears and her hands was working fiercely to wipe them away. She was trying her best to keep herself together. 

I didn't have anything "spiritual' to say to her so I simply put my hand on her shoulder and said, "Can I buy you a coffee?" 

As she looked up and her eyes met mine, choking back tears she replied, "Yes, please!" 

I took her order and walked into Starbucks to purchase her drink. I took that time to ask God, "What next God? How do you want me to act and respond to this sweet lady?" 

I retrieved her drink and went back outside. I heard the Lord speak to my heart and say, "Just set it down, smile at her and walk away." 

God but……

"Walk away, Nicole. Walk away!" 

I walked away and returned to my book. As the woman sipped her coffee a fountain of tears flowed down her cheeks. I don't know what she was facing or why the cops were talking to her companion 100 feet away, but I waited. 

As I waited, I prayed. 

Just then she looked up and said, "Thank you ma'am. Thank you!" Her tears seemed to flow faster and her voice cracked from the pain she was experiencing. 

It was then that the Lord said, "Go!" 

I left my seat and walked over to her. I said, "what's your name? " Sobbing she replied, "Lynn." 

I said "Lynn, I don't know what you're facing and I don't know your story but I know Jesus. I know the one who knows and created you." Her sobs turned into a smile. I asked her if I could pray for her and the situation she was facing. 

We sat outside with everyone staring asking God to intervene on her behalf. 

Everyone around was staring because the police were all around and the scene was chaotic, but God was staring at her heart. He wanted to meet her in the midst of the chaos and speak directly to her.

 

I never found out the situation or heard her entire story but I didn't need too. My role was to buy a coffee and remind her she wasn't alone. 

Moments later the cop approached us and told her he would drive her home. I squeezed her arm, smiled and walked away. 

The cop loaded her up into the car and as the door closed she looked up and mouthed, "Thank you!" Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!" Tears rolled down her cheeks as they drove away. 

I don't know her story, but God does and He cares. 

Have your eyes open and be ready for 'inconvenient' encounters. Encounters that don't make sense to you but make sense to the person you are asked to love on. 

You don't have to have all the right words to be used by God. Be willing to respond however God prompts you too. 

It may just be to buy a cup of coffee or hug someones neck. 

Respond as the Holy Spirit directs and trust Him with the outcome. 

Ask God for an inconvenient moment. Ask Him to give you opportunity to serve someone else and love them right where they are. 

Be you today! Be obedient to the task at hand but be willing to be interrupted by someone else.

Ask God how you should respond and then proceed. 

Be blessed today. 

10 things I've learned about the Journey

In the course of a persons life we can be certain one will be faced with times of great pain, discomfort and testing.

There has been no shortage of that in my life. My husband Tim and I  have been on the longest, seemingly never ending journey through medical school and now residency.

It seems as if once we jump one hurdle, within five feet of our shoes hitting the floor we are met with our next. It always requires a new kind of strength and determination. And if I'm being totally honest, I don't always 'feel' ready to make the leap nor do I 'feel' mentally or physically strong enough to land it without shattering all the bones in my body.

This run we have been on seems to keep going with no end in site (not a good or bad thing). The hurdles are lined up and once we think we see the end, we quickly realize it is simply a mirage.

The first step in any race is the preparation before you ever step foot on the track. It requires painful training and vision of what's to come. It doesn't mean you have every step of the race figured out, just a willingness to put in the work and get started.

1. You need a plan (if you're married that plan is not void of your spouses input). 

For us, the preparation came without a complete picture of where we would be running. My husband was active duty in the Air Force deploying all over the world as a Persian Farsi Linguist. He knew a bachelors degree was the first step, even though it didn't make much sense how it would even be possible.

2. Be prepared to take a risk and be obedient to running the first lap.

If you've ever worked out, you begin incredibly motivated but as soon as you realize how hard it is the excitement dwindles. Often you aren't seeing immediate progress and you are tempted to give up.
Let me be the person that says, "keep going friend, keep going!"

There were so many classes that he had to drop, retake and simply couldn't start because of his rigorous schedule. Set backs can be discouraging and painful but don't let them knock you off course. Keep running.

3. Plans change and we must trust God when nothing makes sense.

Our 'plan' was to finish the bachelors degree build a house and attend Dental School in the state we had grown to love. Tim walked across the stage with a degree, we put a down payment on our new house and we were headed toward applying for the next step. One night we took our two kiddos both under the age of three to see the progress on the house. As we sat in the driveway of our freshly poured foundation... we knew.

We knew God was up to something and was asking us to take the next step. We were asked to leave our home that was being built, get out of the military, which meant no insurance, no stable pay check, I could keep listing all the reasons why this made no sense. We moved back across country and started the next phase of training.

4. Don't expect things always to run smoothly or assume it will be easy.

This step was terribly painful. Tim had to start taking terrible jobs just to pay the bills and he didn't 'enjoy' the work he was doing. But God was faithful!

We still were pursuing Dental School and kept it in our sites. Pregnant with our third baby, no insurance and an incredibly tight budget. We chose to give birth with the assistance of a midwife. This was our attempt to save money but it was God's way of stirring our heart toward His best.

5. Listen for God's voice and look for Him in all areas of your life.

It was time for our sweet girl to make her grand entry and she would wait on no one. With no time for the midwife to arrive my 'non-medical' husband delivered our girl. God used this experience to speak into our future. Tim knew that night he would again change gears and pursue medical school. For the next two years Tim took all the prerequisites.

6. When God is involved, everything runs perfectly.....NOT!!!

When we are doing the will of God it must mean it will be easy, right? You couldn't be further from the truth. He provides opportunity for us to completely trust Him. We had four small kids when Tim began medical school and boy did we feel at times like we were losing so much. During four years of medical school we had to move out of our home because we were going to be foreclosed on, survived on welfare, and the charity of other people. There were extremely dark days. Days that we didn't know how much more we could take (or lose), but God was asking us to keep running and I am so thankful we did.

7. You need people. You can't do it all alone.

The moment you think you should do it all on your own or convince yourself 'that's my job,' will be the moment you feel completely defeated. With a husband in medical school, having to work full time and raise four of the coolest kids, we recognized our need for others. My mom and younger brother live(d) with us and we worked (and still do) as a team to pursue God's best. We relied on the strength of others and were committed to not hiding away, even when we wanted too.

8. Believing "it will all be worth it in the end" is a lie from Satan... Because there is life in the journey.

There have been so many times when I have wanted to curl up in a ball and let the years just pass me by. Residency moved us 2,300 miles away from home, away from a loving community of believers, and into the lap of loneliness and constant change. There couldn't possibly be anything good that would come out of (at times) 80 plus hour work weeks and no friends. Or so I thought..... The first year of residency I felt like Moses (the Israelites) walking in the desert after leaving Egypt. We now had five kids, my teenage brother and a partridge in a pear tree and not much else. We took a $45,000/ year pay cut to start residency, have $200,000 in student loan debt and we were dirt poor...

...But life was still happening and it was happening regardless of us pursuing what Gods best or not. There have been so many hidden treasures and incredible joy. As a family we have experienced the joy of working as a team and living out the vision God has showed us step-by-step.

9. See the blessings in the journey.

God has been incredibly faithful. He has taken me to my near breaking point. All to pick me up along the way and remind me who I belong to. He has provided in incredible ways both financially and spiritually. For the first time in almost 13 years of marriage I became a stay at home wife and mom. I do not enjoy all things domestic but God was up to something and didn't forget about my heart all of these years. He moved us clear across the country (I believe) simply so I could attend one of the best Bible colleges. He also stirred my heart to write and step into the gifts God has given me personally.
It's a wonder I doubt His perfect timing and His best in my life so often.

10. The race never ends but we always seem to clear the hurdle.

Clearing the hurdle is that point in the jump when you are suspended in mid air, legs stretched to their max and praying your feet land solidly on the ground. For me this is the point when I don't know how we will pay the bills, when we will squeeze in all the demands of life or how all that is thrown at us will work out. The hurdle has been cleared with each leap of faith and God has been faithful as we have obeyed His voice.

The journey doesn't end... We don't eventually arrive... We are constantly having to trust God... He wants us to dream and step out of the boat, walking hand-in-hand with him.

Your life is going to happen. It's happening now. It's happening as you sit and wait... God wants you to be obedient regardless of what you think it will look like in the end. Tim and I have been running this race for almost 15 years together. When God gives you a dream it doesn't happen immediately. It takes one step of obedience at a time.

We must stop measuring the will of God by whether something is hard or easy. It's very rare you will ever accomplish something of value that doesn't require sacrifice, perseverance and a tremendous amount of faith in our creator.