Painting That Will Never Fade

We knew it was going to be a different kind of Christmas when my mom announced that this year we couldn't afford anything. We hadn't purchased a tree or any gifts to go under it. Paint and a white door would have to do. Mom told us that we couldn't even pay our bills let alone try to do what most Americans deem the norm for Christmas.

We lived in a single wide trailer out in the middle of nowhere. The walls were terribly thin and cold air flowed into our small house quicker than the fireplace could heat it.  My younger sister, older brother, my mom, her husband and I, lived in this shell of a home.  We had two tiny bedrooms and little hope. We were surviving and at that time Jesus' birth seemed of little consolation to this seventh grade girl.

Mom sat my sister and I down with lots of different colored paint and a fresh canvas on the white interior side of the front door. Mom painted the Christmas tree. With every stroke of the paint brush, the door was quickly turning into a beautiful piece of art.

She was desperate to make Christmas special even in the midst of our poverty. My sister and I anxiously waited for the tree to dry so we could start to paint ornaments onto the bare tree. Red, Blue and yellow balls never looked so beautiful.

We had a Christmas tree now.

Some may frown upon and even take pity on our version of a tree, but it was beautiful. I went to bed that night, cold from the temperature but my heart was warm from my mom's love.

I slept good that night. The next morning I woke up and went out to find my mom had painted a few presents under the tree. I was giddy with excitement because she took the extra time and stayed up to paint a gift under our tree. Over the next couple of weeks the painted tree was the focal point in our home. We had fun creating beauty out of sadness. My mom took pride in showing her kids a Christmas with or without money.

Christmas morning came and we eagerly awoke knowing that presents we would not find. Instead, wrapped and perched at the top of the couch were three "real" gifts.

"Mom, I thought we weren't going to have gifts," I said with excitement.

With tears flowing down her cheeks my mom replied, "I had some extra food stamps so this is the best I could do."

 She made us sit like any other Christmas and watched us one by one open our presents.

My brother went first. He opened a huge jar of peperoncini's.

Then my sister opened her favorite thing, Maraschino cherries.

It was my turn.

I remember feeling excited because my mom had picked out the perfect gifts.  She purchased the best she could offer with the little resources she had. I ripped the paper away and inside was a jar of Italian mix Giardiniera. It was a delicious pickled vegetable mix with a kick of spice.

I loved it!

Every year as I watch my own kids open their gifts, I can't help but think how even in the poverty I faced as a child,  God still had his best to offer me.

Sometimes we think that God isn't offering us what He is capable of providing for His children.

The reality is God has already given the perfect gift. The painted gifts under our tree provided me with a reminder for life that God alone provides all our needs. My mom's best was painted on the door and wrapped into three small gifts.

Often we get so caught up in our circumstances that we forget about the gift.

If we all received exactly what we deserved we would receive death. Instead God has given his free gift of eternal life. 

Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

We can't buy it!

When we surrender our will to the will of God's, he gives us our life back to use for His purposes.

New gifts, toys, and things that we have never used before require an owners manual. You must read it and read it again when you forget how to operate the thing properly.

We are no different. Once you have given your life over to Jesus don't expect to know how to operate in the fullness He has for you without consulting the owners manual. The bible. He created you and knows how you operate and you are a unique model.

It is always easy to slip back and except the familiar, the road most traveled. The person who is willing to consult the owners manual, is the person that will have life to the fullest.

My mom offered us the best she could without trying to pretend she had anything else. That is exactly what God wants from you.

In this busy, often stressed filled time when it is so easy to feel like we don't have enough or have much to give... Remember to be faithful with what you do have. Be thankful in the season and situation you are facing. Know that God is with you right where you are.

Offer Him your best! How ever little you may feel your best is, He will use it for purposes that are bigger than what you could have dreamt possible.

He will paint a beautiful canvas and on that canvas He will surprise you with new gifts each day. 

Lamentations 3:23 declares, "Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning."

Today I encourage you to offer God your best so that He in turn can use your life for His best. 

Lord, I am thankful for your constant gift of salvation in my life. Thank you for your mercies that are new every morning. Help me Lord to see you in ALL situations. Open my eyes to the things around me. You are the perfect gift! Thank you for sending your son. -Amen

My convictions don't have to be yours

 1 Thessalonians 5:11,
                 
            "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

I don't know about you, but every now and again I get on a kick about this or that. During my 'kick' I become passionate and vocal about my view on the topic. Somehow I become super human and more knowledgeable than even the 'experts' concerning the subject matter.
I think we have all done this at one time or another.


Have you ever been to a baby shower?

Inevitably at a baby shower, women will discuss their personal experience with childbirth. If you sit back an observe this little thing called competition kicks in. I don't think anyone intends for it to happen but away the conversation will go with personal convictions and stories.

You will hear horror stories of brutal doctors and nurses. Sometimes you will hear just the opposite of how thankful someone was for the care they received.

From across the room you will hear someone chime in about how they were 'all natural' and yet another will express why you should or shouldn't have an epidural.

       Breast feed or bottle?             Cloth diapers or disposable?             Midwife or hospital?
                             Water birth?               Natural or unnatural? (although birth is always natural)
   Epidural or not?               30+ hours vs. the momma who took 2 hours...

And this all takes place at one baby shower!!!

Sometime during pregnancy you will hear people tell you why you should or shouldn't vaccinate.
Look online and you will find an answer that will support either argument, regardless of the validity of the research.

What about how you feed your baby? Organic or inorganic.

We are bombarded with all of this within the first couple months of becoming a parent. After that we constantly feel compared to other moms. Once they make it out of the toddler stage we are forced to decide if we will put our kids on the big yellow bus or home school.

I can't imagine why at times we totally exhaust one another?!?! Or why it's often so difficult for women to connect with other women.

Everyday we face decisions that affect the path or direction our life will go. Often those choices are not huge but they are personal. 

One thing we can be sure of...

         We will all be faced with 'real life' situations that force us to make tough choices.

We have to decide if we will be a stay at home mom or a mom that works outside the home.
For some of us this is a heart wrenching, sleepless night decision that has to be made.

We see our friends appearing to have it all together... balancing home, work, school, church and family.

And inside we feel like we really don't measure up.

We log onto Facebook and see a conversation about homeschooling verses public school and everyone seems to be the resident expert on the topic.

You see what is happening?

We are tearing each other down rather than building one another up. We forget that every life, every family, every situation is different.

Just as there are no two people alike, there are no cut and dry answers to these tough topics.

Is it worth being martyred over? 

Is it worth destroying our relationships? 

Is your stance on a topic so solidly grounded (factual) that you are willing to potentially cause division? 

God has given us clear guidelines on many topics and on others they are not so clear.

A wise professor in college once told me that we need to temper our responses and only give absolutes about things we are willing to be crucified over.

Is it a matter of heaven or hell?

Is it a matter of eternity or temporal things?


"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Next time you find yourself in a room with a friend or you decide to post on Facebook here are some questions to ask yourself?

Is my comment going to be helpful or hurtful?

Is this just my opinion or fact?

If making a statement about God's character or behavior... Back it up with scripture or don't say it.

Am I giving this person permission to be who God created them to be or am I expecting them to conform to my way of thinking.


Your convictions are personal and if you wait a year those convictions will probably change.


We are all vastly different in our experiences, knowledge and current life situations, therefore we must offer grace to others.

God may be lighting a fire under your fanny to stay at home and cook 21 square meals a week for your family, but this doesn't have to be true for your neighbor.

God may be pressing on your heart that homeschooling is the best option, while your best friend still chooses public.

Perhaps God has been asking you to lead a Bible study for your teenagers group of friends and this will require you to buy take out for dinner that evening. It's okay.

If your friend is in the pains of labor and says "I don't know if I can do this!" Remember labor hurts like  H-E-C-K and every person is different.

It is okay to obey God, even if everyone around you is doing the exact opposite.

Our convictions are personal and we need to cautiously approach others with our zeal for life.

Remember that God may not be calling everyone to the same thing or things. One thing we know to be true is God has called us all to love one another (John 13:34-35).

Give yourself permission to say yes to God and no to people.

We all love to share our experiences and knowledge; heaven knows we enjoy hearing from others but when you do hear opinions remember these key things:

-Condemnation and conviction are two separate things. Conviction stirs your heart and causes you to act. Condemnation feels heavy and smothers out life.

-What is right for their family, may not be God's best for mine.

-Seek counsel from trusted people. Make sure these aren't 'yes' people, instead people willing to speak truth over your life and into your situation.

-Does what I am hearing line up with scripture?

We are all on this journey called life. All of our stories are as different as the animals in the sea, but God created us all to live together for a reason. We need people. We need each other. We need affirmation and someone to encourage and speak life into our weary bones.

Will you begin today to speak life into a dry valley?

Will you release yourself from the chains that someone else has tied you up with?

Thank you for letting me share my heart. I'm thankful that God created you unique and different than me. Let me know your thoughts. Maybe I can pray with you about something.... I would love to hear from you.

--Nicole

Feel free to share this with anyone!

Often our bruises produce the best results

Often our bruises produce the best results.....

God doesn't see things the same way we do. Often the things we place value on or the things we consider trash are very different from God's perspective.

Perhaps you no longer see yourself as the bruised useless person... We need you to come along side those who do. True discipleship takes place when broken people share their story and learn that wholeness comes from those 'ugly spots.'

Have you found your sweet spot? 

Have you allowed God to make something beautiful out of what some may consider trash?

Leave me a message... Encourage others with your story. Your bruises may encourage someone else to find their sweet spot.

Repost and share.

Sickness of the heart

As the leaves change from deep green to beautiful colors of yellow, red and orange we are reminded that winter is just around the corner. 

With the cold weather, sickness moves in too. Outside of every pharmacy or in our doctor’s office we see signs that read, “get your flu shot today.” 

There are those that believe that the flu shot is too risky and choose to forgo receiving it altogether. But then there are those that have experienced the awful body aches, chills and cough that accompany the flu and will take every precaution to avoid ever experiencing it again. 

Regardless of whether you choose to be vaccinated against the flu or not, we realize that we each have a personal choice and understand that we will face whatever consequences come of it. 

Looking around at friends, family, acquaintances and even ourselves often we fail to recognize the flu of the heart. The flu of the heart is bitterness.

In Proverbs 14:10 we read, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”

Like the flu, bitterness attacks us and seeks to destroy our health. It creeps in the smallest of ways.

Every year we recognize as the seasons change there will be a need to take extra precautions to avoid sickness, but how do we vaccinate and protect our heart from the disease of bitterness?

It is easy to avoid the outdoors, bundle up with a jacket or place the heater at a certain temperature to keep us warm but bitterness isn’t as easy.

When we are hurt, offended, ignored or overlooked it is easy to bundle ourselves up and protect our hearts from ever allowing “that” to happen again. We hit delete on our Face Book accounts and rid ourselves of that person or person’s that rubbed up against us and left an ugly bruise.  We make vows such as “I will never let them hurt me that way again” or “I let them in for the last time!” We even become defensive of people that the Lord may be using to further prune us so that we can fully mature in our faith. Yet we drown out the responsibility we have in avoiding the sickness that is about to occur.

The only vaccine for bitterness is forgiveness. Whether you call yourself a Christian or not, forgiveness is a language we all speak. There are seasons in all of our lives when we seem to struggle with uttering those three words…”I forgive you.” We feel justified in our anger and exercise our freedom to withdraw or attack. Whether your approach to hurt is to hunker down and wait out the storm (in hopes of never dealing with that problem again). Or you may be the person that goes out swinging all the while leaving casualties in your wake.

The only outcome to either approach is certain sickness of the heart.

While confrontation isn’t comfortable it is often necessary.

It is necessary to confront the emotions and analyze the reasons behind our response. 

Our response dictates our ability to forgive.

Your ability to forgive isn’t dependant on the other person or their actions… it is however dependant on you and your reaction.

The vaccination of forgiveness is offered to all. 

Every person is responsible for accepting the cure to the dreadful disease of bitterness. 

If you choose not to guard your heart, you will be taking the risk of forever being toxic to others. 

Once you have chosen to vaccinate yourself against bitterness, with forgiveness, it becomes increasingly easier to enjoy healthy life giving relationships.

Will you choose today to guard your heart and accept the only cure?

--Nicole 

Please share with your family and friends. 

Do you have an experience where you thought forgiving someone would "let them off of the hook?" But you found out it let you off of the hook..... please share. 

"What's so wrong with playing in the street?"

           
              "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:18 

It was a gorgeous evening and Lauren wanted to head to the field across from our house to ride her bike. We gathered all the necessary things for her to safely ride- helmet, good shoes (no flip flops), bike. With my fourteen month old Bodie perched on my hip we opened up the garage and headed out.

Bodie playfully trotted around the field, pulling the grass and throwing it and giggling as his sister road round and round as he played. Lauren was tuckered out and ready to return home. We gathered our stuff and headed back toward home.

Separating the field where we played and our house is a busy street where cars often drive crazy fast. I have always been leery of this road and I have strict rules that our children have to follow when it comes to being in the front yard. My kids are extremely cautious when crossing and take the threat of this street seriously.

Lauren, Bodie and I headed home- I held Bodie close and clutched Lauren's hand as we darted across to the safety of our front yard. Once inside the garage I instructed Lauren to put away her riding gear and park her bike.... and Oh.... "shut the garage door." As she cheerfully obeyed, I walked inside with my little guy.

Once inside I set Bodie down and walked over to look through the mail we received that day. Not a minute had passed when I felt alarm bells going off inside of me.....

Alarm bells that impulsively made me check to see where my little toddler Bodie was.

I looked to my right, left... I quickly scanned the room and saw Lauren was seated on the couch playing on the computer but Bodie was no where to be seen.

I immediately ran for the garage...

As soon as I made my way around the corner I saw light beaming through the "OPEN" garage door.

Now... I am not a sprinter but..... This momma was sprinting and yelling.... BODIE!!!!

My view from the entrance of the inside garage door to the street was that of my little man playfully crouched down in the middle of the busy, heavily trafficked street.

I screamed... "Bodie!!!!"

He heard my voice and turned to look my way. I ran and scooped him up just as two cars were quickly approaching. I stood in the garage for several minutes kissing his little head and thanking the Lord for my boy.

I was compelled to say... 'Oh Lord!! Thank you for speaking to my heart and ringing those bells in my ear.' Had those bells rung seconds later- disaster may have struck and his life gone from this earth forever.

As I sit here and write I am separated from this event by a couple of days and many 'what if's' have come and gone from my heart and mind.

The one thought that keeps lingering is this....

                  "What gate (garage door) are you leaving open in your life? If not closed, disaster is just baby steps away from knocking at your door.

Often times we drown out the voice of God... The warning to flee... to run.... not go out into the busy road... and think that we can handle the danger.... and avoid the the oncoming traffic, so to say.

I left the garage door open and trusted that someone else would protect my baby.

God has given us certain boundaries, warning signs, off limit places and people- yet in our own wisdom we wander into oncoming traffic.

God has given these warnings because He knows that no one else has a watchful eye on His kids like He does.

There is nobody as concerned about being forever separated from His children/child (you) as your creator.

He wants you to play, laugh, run and enjoy this life but He wants us to heed warning and listen to His voice.

To Bodie, the middle of the street seemed like a safe place to play... but as his mom I knew the danger threatening to steal him away from me.


Today I want to challenge you...

               Have you left the door open for your children to be tragically hurt?

Have you not responded to God's voice and taken your eyes off of him?

             Have you fooled yourself into thinking that your boundaries are better than the ones God has for you?

Today, I want to encourage you to put your eyes back on Jesus... Listen to his voice once again.

Allow Him to run, swoop you up and carry you to safety.

Running on fumes

Not to long ago I was with a friend that is a genuine lover of her family. She works tirelessly to serve, love and take care of all their needs. She gets up early, home schools, makes her husband a great lunch for work, starts laundry, cleans the kitchen, vacuums... the list goes on and on.

Her service and devotion to her family often comes at the expense of loving her own health and mental well being.

I know a little of what she is facing. I have six kids and one teenage brother that need my constant attention... or so that is what I tell myself.

As parents we have bought into the lie that we 'need' to take care of our kids. We 'need' to make sure everything is taken care of.


We find ourself constantly running on fumes by the end of the day.






Slapping an 'Out of order' sign on our foreheads may

not be an effective way to deal....but it is how we feel.

Our chore list is longer than there are hours in the day, but our kids have yet to wash a sink full of dishes.            

Between running them to their practices, youth group, life group, friends house, mall, homework..... we justify their inability to do chores or contribute to the family.

Somehow we have blown it as parents and we are benefiting paying a high price for it.

Our marriages are dying, our mental health is suffering, our bodies are warn down and we are weary.

Why? Because we have lost the drive to say 'NO!"

"It is easier to do all of the laundry at one time."
                                                       
"It is easier to just 'do it myself."

I have friends that still do their teenagers laundry, pour their 13 year old a bowl of cereal in the morning, make their senior in high schools lunch. Dinner is always prepared for the kids, not 'with the kids.'

Beds are being made by mom and dad, rooms picked up while the kids are off at school.

After you have spent the last hour cooking dinner, you are quickly setting the dinner table. You cut your seven year olds food up into little pieces, serve everyones plates and just when you are about to put that bite of food into your mouth... the seven year old wants seconds and the baby needs a bottle.

STOP the chaos!!!

This is when you just want everyone to go to bed and your day to end.

Your teenager picks up their phone that you pay for and is pissed at you, so they verbally bash you on facebook for the entire world to see and storm off to their room leaving you to clean up the entire kitchen by yourself.

Do you see yourself riding on this never ending train?

We are facing burnout because we have been unwilling to face parenting.

Now what....

You must reclaim your life. You must begin to see your value separate from your children.

I am going to be bold here..... Get ready!

If your kids are over the age of 10 they need to start doing their own laundry. Yes, they will not do it perfectly but they need to learn.

Your seven year old needs to be told to wait. Do not give them seconds until you have eaten or let them serve themselves.

Your baby that is screaming at the table needs to be taken to their bed while you sit and enjoy some family time.

Your kids MUST contribute to the family. They were not created to be served and you were not created to be their servant.

Make a commitment to not unload the dishwasher for the next two weeks. They must 'learn' where things go in the kitchen.  This job is done by my 5 and 7 year old. Yes they even put away the glass plates. They stack all of the dishes on the counter under the cabinet it goes in. After the entire dishwasher is spread out across the counters they pull a chair up and begin to put the dishes from the counter into the cabinets.

Do not set the table tonight. If you cook the dinner... they can set the table.

Be prepared....

You may even be called "mean!" (((Sigh, gasp, gulp))) Get over it!

Your responsibility is not to raise pampered children. You're responsible to train them to be productive adults.

If your teenager uses the phone you pay for to break the rules, view inappropriate media, say inappropriate things on social medial outlets... be brave and parent your child. You do not need to provide extras if they are unwilling to submit to authority.

At some point in life they will have to obey someone. They will always be under someone else's authority. Don't you want them to learn in a healthy way what that looks like?

Of course a home full of chores and void of anything else is not helpful either.

Give chores and tasks for your kids to complete...
                   
                     But praise them as they go. They will not do it right all of the time.

Tell them you are proud of them.

Say 'thank you' when they complete their chores.

Don't let them go one day without hearing three words, "I Love You!"

Your effort today will allow you to begin to reclaim your identity separate from your children.


--Nicole


Let me know your thoughts below. What are some things that have worked well for your family?

Will you grab ahold of the hem of His garment? 

Listen and share. 


Leave me a comment... Conversation is awesome in understanding who we are. 

--Nicole Howes