"I forgive you!"

"Mommy!! Mommy!!!" those are the words that my daughter cried from the moment she was hit by a truck and for days to follow.
Upon arrival at the accident scene I ran to see my beautiful Ellie laying helpless in the middle of the road it terrible pain. I was at a loss wondering how I could help her. All I could do is be there in that moment.
When the paramedics arrived they were busy taking care of Ellie so I had a minute to look up to catch the eye of the young man who hit her. He was broken, sobbing and desperate. I couldn't help but think that could easily be my son in a few short years.
He was hunched over the driver seat with his legs hanging out of his truck. He was sobbing uncontrollably. "Oh Lord this poor boy" I thought. I stood up and walked toward him. I saw the people around me looking as I walked in his direction. I think they were wondering if I would scream at him, hit him, they just looked nervous. Was she (me) about to lose it on this teenage boy?
I grabbed his knee and said "please look at me!" "Look at me!!" With swollen teary eyes the boy looked at me with a great sadness on his face. I told him "you need to know something about Ellie. She is a child of God. No matter what happens today... whether she lives or dies... she is going to be okay. Our family will be okay!" "I need you to know that WE FORGIVE YOU!"

Forgiveness is an interesting word.

Forgiveness is defined: a) to pardon an offense or offender. b) to cease to feel resentment against. c) to give up all claim.

I had already forgiven the boy before I even arrived at the scene. I needed to forgive him because that is what God wants me to do.
I wanted to give up all claim and pardon the offense and the offender.

Colossians 3:13 Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has (freely) forgiven you, so must you also forgive.

I certainly had a grievance with this young man... He hit my daughter, throwing her over 120 feet and possibly making that the last moment I would ever see her again on earth. 

Ephesians 4:32 And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another (readily and freely) as God in Christ forgave you.

Forgiveness is sometimes so difficult because just as an onion has many layers, forgiveness also does.
To think that you can forgive and never look back is naive and will set you up for failure. Forgiveness is a day to day process. 

Since the accident there has been new evidence, new rumors, new understanding of what has taken place. There are days when I have to forgive again and again. But God has forgiven me and I will forgive this boy. 
He does need to be held accountable for his part in the accident but I am not responsible for what the law does or doesn't do. I am responsible for the women of God I am called to be. I must forgive. 
I must live my life different than what the others say is acceptable. 

Unforgiveness feeds into bitterness, bitterness gives way to death. 
Death of my relationship with God, death of my relationship with others.
Death of a life lived with hope and love. 
If bitterness is watered and given permission to grow in your life it will plant roots into every area of your life. Even when you think it is contained in this little planter box it can spread, taking over the whole infrastructure that your foundation is made up of. Bitterness will choke the life out of "life." 

Can I tell you a little secret though... the person that you are bitter with... will not be effected by your bitterness because their "offense" against you 1 may not even be known by them 2)they have already moved on 3) unaware of what their actions have done or the negative impact they have caused (in my case a daughter in the intensive care unit for 8 painful days, loss of three weeks wages... ect ect ect.) or 4)it was not their problem in the first place it was yours. 

but guess what.... it does not matter! There is no place for bitterness in my life or yours!

Ephesians 4:31,32 "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you" 

You are responsible for you!! You are responsible if you give yourself the title of "christian" to be Christ like. Not to be a door mat but a person that offers love when others don't "deserve" it. 

I don't "deserve" that  forgiveness I have been given by God, but it is freely given. 

I know that there are far worse things that have taken place to you!! You have been wronged by someone and it seems unforgivable but it is not. It is allowing bitterness to take root. You must forgive. 
Whether you have been raped, molested, divorced , cheated on, seen your husband/wife view pornography, been lied about, been _______ (insert the offense that is holding you captive), and say I no longer chose to be held captive. 
I forgive you because I want my father in heaven to forgive me. 

Matthew 18:21-35

   21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!
   23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
   26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
   28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.[d] He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
   29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
   31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
   35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

You can forgive!!! You can be healed from the bitterness that has been holding you hostage!!! 
You cannot move forward and have healing in the area you seek healing,  BUT remember there are many layers to that forgiveness and as you uncover different layers, new forgiveness will be required of you. 
Be patient with yourself but get moving! Start forgiving so that God can finish the good work He has started in you.
Sometimes you even have to get mad and even forgive God for allowing things to unfold in your life. 

Lord again today help me forgive the young man who hit my daughter. Thank you for sparing her life. Lord I forgive the deceit that has taken place. I forgive the dishonesty. 
Lord thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for dying for me. Lord I ask that you reveal areas in my life that I need to forgive. I give you permission to open up old wounds. Root out the things that are keeping me from doing your will in my life. I trust you with all areas in my life. --Amen


  1. Nicole - thank you for sharing in such an open and honest way. I know God is looking at you and thinking, "well done good and faithful servant." :0) By allowing Him to work His forgiveness through you, and writing it out for others to read, you are living a wonderful testimony to our precious Lord and Savior.

    1. Kandee- Thank you. Forgiveness is a daily process. Some days I think I have completed the process and then the Lord reminds me how completely dependent I am on Him in every area.